millennial · self-improvement

Why PUA ultimately failed

For those of you who were around during the time, PUA (Pick Up Artist) was a movement that focused on getting regular guys to be Hugh Hefner through a method called “game”. As the movement progressed, you found that it received a lot of backlash from society and turned into something that was berated on news with malls even banning PUAs. While it did to some extent inspire me in a way to take action by approaching women who were strangers, I found that a lot of what PUA preached has been a failure and would not recommend that to any guy starting out. So why did it fail?

Because it was ultimately a gimmick that might have made men bolder but also made them weirder, ignoring the importance of making the guy himself attractive and socially aware.

The thing about society is that you have to live in it, what you do is being perceived by others and over a period of time in a given area, it leads to an image being formed. When you go out and are constantly saying weird things to girls, being gimmicky, and weird; it reflects poorly on you and in worst case scenarios can put people on high alert.

If you are still out of shape and not attractive, no amount of “game” is going to get you hot girls, in fact your action will be judged even more harshly by some because quite frankly, girls hate being hit on by guys they are not initially attracted to.

I won’t ignore the importance of charisma, reading the room socially, and having the boldness to go after women at a bar but it has to be complimented with overall being an attractive man. You’re either an attractive man doing this or the lifestyle you have is so attractive that it nets you hot girls. When you are some friendless socially awkward guy spitting pickup lines, it comes off as strange and weird.

Your biggest takeaway from this should be that you benefit from either making yourself attractive or get a sexy lifestyle.

The former is a lot easier, you work on looking better and being more socially in the loop on things. You work on becoming better looking and more presentable as well as confident, then you become more bold when talking to random girls in the streets or at a bar. Now you can confidently make small-talk, get more girls into you, and find that the opportunities are slowly presenting themselves. Instead of awkwardly walking up to girls who are not interested, you go in confident because you are not faking anything, you have worked hard on being an attractive guy and it has paid off.

Nonetheless it laid a foundation.

Say what you might about PUA, even though I thought it was ultimately a failure, it laid the foundation for something greater. In many ways, it was a masculine brainstorm of how men can turn their dating lives around. PUA at its root created the idea that a guy can go up to a girl he is attracted to and make her a part of his life, in a society where social norms were strict this opened up a door. It took a lot of awkward guys going out there trying it, and failing, for us to realize that if you tighten up your social skills and looks then you can indeed meet women out of the blue instead of being tied down to a social circle.

While I admit PUA was a failure, it laid the foundation for something greater and more promising to come in the future.

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