The thing about high school is, it never ends….
Not long ago, I talked about what makes a city a horrible place for single men to date. While things such as the gender ratio were brought up, one point I mentioned was how “cool culture” plays such a big role in turning a city into a shit-show when it comes to dating. I feel like I did a poor job in elaborating on what “cool culture” is given that I made that saying up on the fly to apply to the relevant topic. After examining and living in cities where people talk about the dating climate being rough, I found that gender ratios were not the only thing making those cities terrible for men.
You’re out and about…..
You go out on a weekend night and are dressed sharp, almost dressed to impress. You’ve been working out and the results are showing, easy to feel good about yourself. So you go around a few bars and see what is happening, something seems a bit off. You see guys dressed as clowns, in some cases literally clowns, and the most beautiful women seem to be gathering around them. Now you notice the vibe is very closed-off as well at these places, everyone is tightly clinging to their group.
Women are drinking harder than a college girl would and just begging for attention, but beware, these are usually the kinds of women desperate to reject men to boost their own ego. Selfies, selfies, selfies, and selfies everywhere, everyone is taking about 50 to 60 of them in the group. The group is hogging up the whole space and desperately wants to get in front of the camera, they want the entire planet to know that they drink, party, and go out.
Forget approaching women, they’re not there to be approached, in fact they’re there to be seen. Unless you are getting them into a party with a celebrity or an invite to an exclusive event, you’re invisible to them even if you look like Channing Tatum. The hottest girls are in a tight knit group tied to a handful of guys who are getting them due to some social pull, it could be former college friends or some promoters wanting to show off. The carrot is being dangled, but we all know that expression all too well.
You my friend have been swarmed by the COOL CULTURE.
In certain cities that are terrible for men, there is this desperation of the local population to want to be seen. The degree of narcissism, judgmental attitudes, icy demeanor, and cliquishness is amped up more-so than normal. Guys who are good at playing social politics and having their entire lives revolve around this kind of a drama can thrive in these sorts of environments but for the rest of the men who just want to look good and chill, they will be trucked over.
When “cool culture” runs a city, your image matters above all else, even more-so than your looks. Women want to know that you are a par of the “in-crowd” and if you are not a part of the “in-crowd”, you are fighting for scraps. The image you have determines the kinds of women you get, if you are not the kind of guy to care for this sort of thing, then you will be miserable.
So what leads to this cool culture predominating, why are these people like this?
We tend to wonder why in some cities people are like this, my theory is that deep down inside these people have a massive inferiority complex that they are trying to overcompensate for. I have heard the analogy that “new money” often tries to overcompensate by being flashy while “old money” is the opposite, often hiding their wealth to the general public. Some say it is because new money has that desperation to try and prove itself as being important because deep down, it feels ignored. On the flip side, old money knows it is important and feels no need to prove anything to anyone.
You often see this in cities as well, cool culture will tend to pre-dominate in up-and-coming cities where the local population feels overlooked. When people mention Toronto, Vancouver, Atlanta, and San Francisco being some of the worst cities in North America for dating, it becomes obvious why. Each of those cities have one thing in common, they have recently grown but they are also not in the same league as NYC, Los Angeles, Miami, Las Vegas or Chicago when it comes to the prestige as it relates to nightlife.
Here is how it affects dating if you didn’t pick up on it.
Women in a city like a Toronto, San Francisco, or Atlanta are not there to meet guys who make them feel good or are fun guys. Instead, women in these cities are instinctually social-ladder climbers looking to get ahead, see who can get them their 10,000 Instagram followers, how they can get 1k likes per pic, get them invited to the exclusive parties, and raise their status in the local status games being played. Even if a guy looks very bland, by having these connections and being able to offer this sort of thing, he gets ahead of the curve against more handsome men.
Most men after their early-twenties tend to grow out of this sort of thing though, they don’t really care as much for it. As you can see though, things like “cold approach” are largely useless and you are dealing with gaming an abundance of narcissists trying to climb the social ladder.
“But don’t NYC and Miami have the same thing going on?”
You are 100% right, NYC and Miami have the “cool culture” but it is more fluid and less dominant, it is a lot more niche. The “cool culture” in a city like NYC is a lot more forward, it plays well with human nature. The better looking guy will get the girl, the bold guy with game will get his, and the naturally charismatic guy will have his fun. Things like what cliques you belong to might matter in some instances but in no way are they mandatory for you to get hot girls, there are plenty of good looking women in the city who prefer guys that make them feel good and aren’t as gung-ho on climbing social ladders. Most people, even those in nightlife, look down on and laugh at the types of social games that would be the norm in a city like Toronto.
What can you do about it?
Now that is something that is for another post!