inner game · relationship · self-improvement · twenties · Uncategorized

A life lesson I learned from my first ever date in NYC.

In recent posts, you guys have had the chance to really know me and what goes on in my life instead of listening to theories. I’ll go back to big picture ideas soon but for now, I wanted to share a story of a date that changed my life forever and taught me a lesson I will never forget.

The date was actually my first ever date in NYC and boy did I luck out with this one. To make matters more exciting,  it was on Valentine’s day. I had never had a date on Valentine’s day before in my life and here I was, with arguably the hottest girl I had been with to date.

I matched with her on Bumble and it seemed too good to be true. I’ve had success with online dating back then but this girl was arguably one of the hottest I had matched with, she had the look of Wonder Woman. I was in awe at this girl’s beautiful skin, chiseled face, blue eyes, and dark hair. In case you guys are wondering, her name was Natalie and she was from California.

So on a cold NYC night, I meet up with her at a bar, we agreed on a place in Lower East Side called Subject. I arrive first and the door guy is really cool, something you don’t get often with NYC bars. So I decide to wait for a few and we are texting, she had to catch a train from Queens.

At the time, I had some demons and was going through some things in life. I had recently left Atlanta after an unsuccessful stint at a job there and a social life in the dumps. My thoughts also consumed of growing up poor, having negligent parents who put me in the worst situations, being a social outcast in my youth, and blossoming later in life. At the time I was 26 and felt like an old man who had missed out on most of life, weird how it all works.

Finally, I meet her, she looked every bit like her photo. I give her a hug and we sit down for a couple drinks, not even sure what we talked about but I knew at one point, it shifted.  Natalie shared her life story and at one point, I felt inferior, like something was not right in my head. You see, Natalie grew up in a great environment with cool friends and amazing people, she was your prototypical suburban girl. Sorority life in college, cheerleader in high school, loving  parents, cool community, and great all around.  I was the loser who was supposed to be dead by 21 after the hell he went through, my ceiling was a dead-end job.

“That’s horrible, well an attitude change can do a lot, maybe start with that.”

Now I do not even remember what I said but the frame had shifted, I was no longer the tall, dark, and handsome guy she had swiped right on. Before this, we were making out, but now things were not the same. I had already tasted those soft beautiful lips and the red lipstick covering them but now the tide was turning.

What happened now is that Natalie was my therapist, my therapist on a first date. I wanted to tell her how tough my life was, how much I regret missing out, how shitty the people I dealt with were, and how I was always the fucking victim. Then Natalie said “that’s horrible, an attitude change can do a lot, maybe start with that”. All the while, she kept that calm happy demeanor and I fucked up.

I tried to say we should meet up again soon as the date was ending, Natalie was not having it. Natalie told me she will be busy but will let me know when she is free, something a salesperson is more than used to hearing and knows is a fucking rejection.

In Atlanta, I made this mistake all the time but the competition was objectively easy. The women let me get away with my whining and even whined with me, making for great sex mixed with ancient poet depressing talks. I could be a lesser version of myself and still wreck the competition, that doesn’t happen in a city like NYC where the competition is a lot tougher.

I walked away that night with a lesson because you cannot waste a failure.

The thing about it is that only when you fuck up hard in key situations do you realize it is time to make a chance, you come to a situation where you promise yourself in the future that you will never make that mistake again. Well that was that night, I learned a lesson and made a mistake I promised myself I will not make again.

From now on, check your baggage at the door and don’t bring it on a date.

You see, women don’t want to hear it and who can blame them? We all have our demons and our problems, take them to a therapist. At the end of the day, the world does not care for what is fair or what is just, it cares for results. When a girl swipes right on you, she cares whether or not you can get her a great memorable night. Whining about your unfair life? Not a great carefree night.

It is almost evolution, women do not like weak men, and that is how it should be. A strong man brushes the demons of life aside and moves on to do great shit, a weak man plays victim. When she has started a family with you and an intruder bothers her, who is she going to come to for safety? Obviously not the dolt who cries about how unfair life is.

I understand a fair number of you have been through your challenges in life, for the most part so have I. I’ll go a step further and say you had shit happen to you as a kid or youth that you did not in anyway deserve while others had it easy. Well, unfortunately that’s life and it is anything but fair.

When you meet that girl of your dream, your Wonder Woman, Ms. America, or Ms. Universe; check that baggage at the door. Now is your time to shine, you’re like a pro athlete who has had the unfair media chew him alive but now you are center stage. Bring out the best you have and leave out your trauma, now is not the time for that.

The aftermath.

I never saw Natalie again after that, it was the last time we talked, ever. The following months I got my mind right and my act together, went on a streak. I brought back various kinds of women to my place and had a hell of a time. At one point, I was bringing back four different girls a week. Some of the girls were almost on the same level as Natalie when it came to looks but I cannot deny that Natalie was the one that got away. I had no one to blame but myself.

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