Continuing the series on late bloomer woes and talking about those who not only got to avoid it but in some cases were the aspiration (or envy) of late bloomers, I wanted to shed some light here. Ever since moving to one of the cities millions of popular kids in the country if not the world want to move to; I have had a chance to meet a good bit of folks who were the talk of town.
I am talking about kids who were in the top fraternities and sororities at the top party schools, were very popular at the affluent high schools media portrays as the norm, modeled when younger, and have a youth worth bragging about. You normally get a lot of late bloomer types or those who hit their stride later in big cities, especially after the age of around 25, as they have the drive and chip on their shoulder to keep going against the hustle and bustle but occasionally you run into the cool kid types.
After being friends with a few of the former cool kids and the socially well-connected guys and girls in this city, I started to notice some trends no matter where they were from. I found that after noticing these trends, it put more perspective on why some of us missed out on so much compared to them.
Almost all of them came from wealthier families.
Think about the demographic of your top tier fraternity/sorority? Usually a lot of wealthier kids from good families, rare to find poor kids in one as many fraternities won’t even allow it.
Think about the perception media and movies give of the prototypical high school and college experience…. Often times a good high school in a nice part of town and not in the slums or a college that is full of kids from wealthy enough families.
After I met enough of these kinds of kids who were stereotypically cool, I noticed that they had access to a lot of amazing stuff growing up. A lot of them had parents who paid for their vacations to fancy places in their youth and had money to get their kids into the sought after activities. I have found that a good bit of these kinds of kids even went to expensive private schools or schools that are sought after.
In other words, when your parents have money to throw around, you get to do a lot of cool shit but having rich parents is not enough when it comes to parenting.
A lot of them had relatively laid back parents except for when it came to social life.
I haven’t seen cool kids having a “Tiger Mom” or “Helicopter Parent” that expects them to make perfect grades and be the straight A student. As a matter of fact, most of the cool kids I knew had relatively chill parents who understood that kids were going to mess around, explore, do wild things, and “experiment”; and they let it happen! The only thing the parents were adamant about was their kids not being losers.
In my view, the parents you have play a big role in how your adolescence and to a degree even how your college years shape up. One of the most unfair advantages anyone can have in life are good parents, very few things can rival that. Your parents determine so much of what you do or are allowed to do in your adolescence as well as the experiences you have. Needless to say, the cool kids had a really big edge here with rich and laid back parents.
The success they had earlier on due to circumstances just built on itself.
All starts with nice high school circumstances which lead to favorable college circumstances as a lot of their graduating class from high school ends up at certain universities. One of my friends who was in a top tier fraternity talked about how a lot of kids from the same area of a big city would end up making up a good bit of that fraternity, some even knew each other in high school.
If you hit your stride early enough and were in the circumstances these kids were in, it would have been tough to miss out on the fun!
Now in other words, this meant the rich got richer. The cool kid from high school got a bid to a nice fraternity which is huge in having a great college experience and then he ended up being on a good path after that. Many decided to settle down after having had their fun in college but some moved to a big city afterwards.
As a result, they are very aware of power games and social politics as they are, they know the popularity contest all too well.
Many of these kids grew up in environments where social image was almost everything and perception was reality. For a lot of these kids, the way you are perceived in social situations has an impact on the outcome. Most of them realized this and knew what was going on in the room, who was worth talking to, who could get them places, and knew how to go about their goal in a subtle manner. In other words, they knew who was who and a way to find the who’s who in the city. Many of them could read who was overcompensating and who was legitimately worth speaking to.
For the guys, they knew that getting the best looking women involved a degree of status and a cool lifestyle, they knew how to get that access. They realize how much image and presentation matter in this world!
In many ways, they are relaxed, things come to them.
Most of these kids have had it relatively easy compared to most growing up and their attitude shows it. A lot of them do not rush and don’t get wavered by even life’s toughest tasks, they just keep at it and keep an even-head. The attitude they have is along the lines of someone who does not give a fuck about even the worst outcomes if they want something bad enough. Mostly all of them expect for greatness and amazing things to come to them, regardless of what happens in the short-term.
Fired from a job? I’ll get a better one.
Bad day? I’ll have great ones.
Rejected by a girl? I’ll get hotter ones.
At the same time, they have a sense of Manifest Destiny to their life.
For those of you unfamiliar with the phrase, you can give it a read right here. The point being, it is inevitable and almost the will of the world that they get their way. You don’t just hear it in their words but also their actions, many of them show that belief. The sense of confidence and of self-respect shines through time and time again in social situations when you see it play out. Failure was not written in the stars, only success was, someway and somehow.
In case you missed it, they know all too well that high school never ends and the popularity contests continue for life.
While “normal” people are all too happy that high school is over and ignore the cut-throat social politics that come afterwards, the cool kids thrive off of it. What made them popular in high school and the talk of town has common trends to what will get them that promotion or get others to give them perks to their life. While others are living in denial, the cool kids see the situation for what it is and take advantage of it.
So what can you learn from this?
I obviously missed some key details but you can takeaway that to some degree, the kids who peaked early in some cases had circumstances working in their favor compared to the late bloomer. At the same time, those circumstances gave them a certain mindset and outlook for life that made them successful afterwards. You cannot change the circumstances you were raised in or even their impact on your psyche but you can slowly change your mindset and outlook for life! I’d say make friends with people who are actually winners in life.
