inner game · partying · self-improvement

How to deal with aggressive men and instigators.

On a long enough timeline when you go out, whether it is with your date or just to pickup girls, you will start to run into aggressive men. Now on one hand, aggressive guys happen every once in a blue moon because most men rather avoid conflict. Getting into fights and conflicts requires a lot of energy and people rather take the path of least resistance. Most men are not going out to look for fights or start a conflict unless provoked,  but every now and then, you will run into some that do.

You’re out and about, happen to find a girl you hit it off quite well with, and before you know it you two are getting a nice vibe going. Now things are fine, you two talk and things slowly escalate. Conversation goes well and at this point, you are thinking of just bringing her back to your place. Unfortunately, another guy comes right in and ignores you, talking to her right away and even positioning himself in-between the two of you.

Now there are various ways you can deal with that but let’s find why men do this to each other.

They see you as an easy target and think they can pull one over.

Whether it is due to the way you look or some other social rule in the area, he just happened to think you were an easy target. If you were built like a Rugby star and looked like you can beat someone silly, guys will rarely be doing this to you. When other men feel like you are not worthy of talking to the woman you are talking to, they will intervene as you have already done the hard work of approaching her. Once again, path of least resistance, men love to capitalize on your hard work whether it is in business or in dating.

They sense her losing interest and are waiting to pounce.

You’ve been talking travel for the past ten minutes and you have failed to move things along. At this point, she is starting to look around every now and then to see what is going on. The sexual vibe which may have been built up is no longer there and now you two are starting to look like you are just friends. Men around you sense this and see it as an opportunity to pounce, they want to try their shot.

They are frustrated with their night (or their life in general) and just looking for trouble.

Commonly seen among guys who fit the mold of the “Bro” or the more dominant type of personalities who feel entitled to things. Maybe he went out, didn’t approach any girls, got rejected by the girls he did approach, and is now just in a bad mood. All that work put into lifting, looking like Thad Castle, and bragging about their gains didn’t result in any female attention. Now they see someone they feel is less entitled to women than them and they cannot wait for even the most minor sign of being provoked.

You remind them of someone they envy and hate as a result.

More of the case when someone uglier, significantly older, or less charismatic than you comes in to ruin your night. Maybe you remind him of things he wishes he had in his youth but here you are living it up right in front of him, it’s his chance to teach you a lesson. Perhaps he has not been having luck and you remind him of the kinds of people he sees regularly having luck, it’s about time he ruined your night.

Now there can be many other reasons here but from my experience, these are the main ones. 

So how do you deal with this?

All too often I see guys trying to confront the aggressor or try to teach him a lesson, this is a tough road to go down. Say an aggressor says something slick and you answer back, what if his wit is quicker than yours? What if you try to fight him and lose? Both situations make you lose respect in the eyes of the girl herself and ultimately lose any attraction she had for you.

In case you didn’t realize, do not butt heads with instigators, it’s like wrestling a pig.

Instead, take the same approach towards the guy that girls take with you when they are not interested. Slowly turn his way but don’t give your whole body, smile, thank him, and then turn to the girl. Say “sorry about that” to the girl to really make the guy feel guilty for what he did.

In a more aggressive situation where a guy has blatantly disrespected you to talk to the girl? Ignore the whole situation and let the girl do the rejecting, in fact, smile at her after he has done this. If she is genuinely interested in you, she will tell him to go away. The situation is more of a test of interest to see how much of it is there, you want to engage with the guy as little as possible. Often times, a girl who is interested in you will kindly tell the guy to leave or slowly turn her conversation towards you.

In situations where the guy is trying to get your attention, you can do what one of my good friends did. Simply turn to the guy and say “just one second man!” and then turn to the girl. Completely ignore the guy and see how many times he begs for your attention, the more he does it, the more attractive you look.

Most of all, remember that the game is in your favor.

Whenever a guy tries to ruin your interaction with a girl or take her from you, the odds are usually against him. Unless the girl is not interested in your at all, he is going to lose most of the times. Keep this in mind whenever you run into aggressive men and instigators trying to ruin your night, they start off fighting an uphill battle. Only your screw up makes that battle even and fair.

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