inner game · millennial · relationship · self-improvement · twenties · Uncategorized

How dating actually changes for a guy after college.

Does it get harder? Does it get easier?

The answer is not exactly straightforward, it is something that is very case by case. From my experience, it is different in many ways after college which might favor some men that would have otherwise struggled in college. I do think that there are also some things that remain the same in both stages but for the most part, it is quite different. As for harder or easier, that depends on the kind of guy you are. We will also talk about the kind of guy that will thrive after college versus one that will falter.

Here are a few ways dating changes for a guy after college.

Women become a lot more independent-minded and go for men they are actually attracted to.

In college, she might have slept with a guy that was not hot or that charismatic, instead he just happened to be in the right place at the right time. Maybe he was in the right social groups so her friends encouraged her to go for him, giving him social power. In other words, college allowed you a chance to compensate a great deal for not being attractive to her.

After college, women just go for a guy they are attracted to because they are free from the stranglehold of their social groups. I have seen plenty of ex-sorority girls who were very obsessed with status in college and would only go for guys in certain fraternities all of a sudden go for all types of men after college. In truth, these girls open up a lot to guys they find attractive instead of guys their social crew wanted them to go for.

In college, women went out knowing the guy they wanted to go home with. After college, women go out to look for the guy they want to go home with.

Approaching random women and meeting new women in venues out of the blue becomes a lot more doable.

Don’t get me wrong, college was good for meeting women at events and places where you already had a lot in common (same class, Greek Life, etc.) but it was still not as doable to meet women out of the blue. Even if you go to the same school, she was likely tied down to her crew and friends to even consider your advance as legitimate in most cases. Now this is assuming you went to the prototypical party school which was a four-year university in a college-town type setting.

After college, women going out want to meet new guys and they want a cool confident handsome (by their standards) dude to talk to them. Now they are usually less tied down to their social groups as everyone has a job and more to do with life. Women take more risks and can get with some random guy they just met that night because their friends are unlikely to find out.

The catch is, you have to learn to get good at approaching.

In college, your value was judged by the social groups you were a part of. After college, your value is judged by who you are.

In college, you had to fit in and not stand out from the crowd because that was just “weird”. After college, it actually pays to not be like every other guy who wears Khakis and lives in the suburbs with his picket fence house. You no longer have to shout out the name of your alma mater, no one cares anymore unless you went to an Ivy League and even that is starting to matter less. People only care about who you are and women are the main culprits. Most women do not care if you are a top tier frat in college (except for certain cities), in most major world class cities they only care about what you have done with your life.

You’re judged differently, it is more based on how attractive you are than how attractive your company is.

Social circle game is no longer king.

In college, social circle game was the bread and butter of getting the best looking girls out there. If you were not a well known name she was familiar with, it became hard to get her. Now this is not to say that social circle game is dead after college, as a matter of fact, in some circumstances (and in certain cities) it is still king. The catch is that it is a lot less straightforward than rushing a frat and it is a lot more complex, also requiring a lot of luck to get into the right one.

After college, other avenues to meet women such as talking to random girls during the day, random women in nightlife, and online become a lot more lucrative and a lot more valuable. In college, while these were options, a lot of the better looking women on campus were already invested in the social circles to really care.

It become a lot more straightforward.

Hot guy with decent personality? No worries

Ugly guy with nothing really going for him? Time to worry

After college, things like what fraternity you are in and what crews you run with become less important. What becomes important is how hot you are, how good your game is, what you have going for you in life, and your vibe. In other words, guys who are attractive get hot girls. In college, you could hide your flaws because you happened to be in the right fraternity or social group.

Being interesting, intelligent, and worldly pay off more.

In college, you had to cling to the university and whatever sports team they had. After college, no one cares about that kind of shit. In college, you had to fit in and not talk about anything other than hammering shots or saying Bro after every sentence. After college, you kind of need to have somewhat of a personality even if you are a really hot guy. Having hobbies, knowledge, and being worldly/well-traveled pay off when you bring it up in conversations. It no longer pays to be a drunken idiot at the bar anymore. Now there is a limit, you can’t come off as too nerdy here.

So what kind of men will sink and what kind of men will swim after college?

If you were the kind of guy who exclusively relied on social circles and mutual friends to meet women, dating after college is going to be really tough. You are going to become one of those guys who complains about how tough it is to meet women after college. If your success came from drunk nights, mutual friends, and some form of status to where girls got with you because of what group you were a part of, life after college is going to suck.

If you were the kind of guy who could approach a girl out of the blue, talk to strangers, and never had to rely on a social crew; it gets a lot better after college. Granted you will need to likely get better at talking to a random girl at a bar but the opportunities are more vast after college, women are not put in a lock by their social crews. For the kind of guy who is good at striking up a conversation with random women and captivating their interest, it gets a lot better after college.

If you were a mix of both, you’ll be best off. You could approach but also gather the social circle building skills that make you a hit with some quality social circles after college.

Ask yourself where your success came from in college or where and how you were meeting women, that will determine how easy it gets for you afterwards.

Am I better and sour?

Some will read the post and think I am bitter towards men that did well in college. I just wanted to make it clear that dating after college does not get tough for all men, for some it dies while for others it thrives.

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