inner game · relationship

An explanation to why the Bay Area is hell for dating and meeting women.

For those of you who watched the Super Bowl, you probably had a chance to see the Chiefs hold their heads high as they marched to victory. While I applaud the effort the 49ers put in, Patrick Mahomes II is really something else. So while I can applaud the 49ers for their effort, I cannot applaud the city of San Francisco and The Bay Area for much.

Not too long ago, I was in a job where I would have to go to The Bay Area very often. One year, I went to The Bay Area about eighteen different times and in every single visit I came away with one conclusion, it is one of if not the worst places in the western world to meet single attractive women. Now I have been to cities with bad dating cultures but there was something about the social life scene of The Bay Area that really rubbed me the wrong way.

On the whole, the people in San Francisco and The Bay Area had such a smug attitude that I could barely hold in there. Now to add to that, I also found a lot of narcissistic power-hungry sociopaths without a drop of human emotion in them, even meeting a few in my time there. As much as the tech industry preaches social justice and tolerance, it isn’t too practiced behind closed doors.

In my previous post, I mentioned why some regions of the world produce amazing women and why some don’t. While things like bad gender ratios and a culturally narcissistic population play a big role in making Bay Area hell for dating and even social life, after thinking about it, I finally have an explanation as to why the Bay Area is particularly bad.

No one has called these people out on their shit, like ever.

I found that culturally, there is a special brand of narcissism in people from The Bay Area that is almost unfound in most areas of the world. The attitude and demeanor has parallels with champagne socialism in some ways but I think it goes deeper than that, at some point I wonder if it is a mental illness for people in The Bay Area. A phrase to describe it might be “do as I say not as I do“.

Now this whole phenomenon is masked with the image of appearing as a “good person” who might care about the poor while living in the wealthiest part of the city, never really interacting with them. In NYC, given the blunt to the point culture of the city, these people would be called out in a heartbeat. In the Bay Area, such people enjoy immunity and any freedom from criticism. Your typical software tycoon can talk high morals while treating people under him like peasants, even being blatantly disrespectful to them.

When you live life feeling immune to criticism and no one disciplining you for your actions or calling you out on your shit, you stretch the boundaries. You’ll end up being more of a hypocrite, condescending towards others, forget to practice what you preach, and see yourself as above criticism.

I cannot help but think that this spills over on to the dating culture of The Bay Area and the abysmal quality of women from Northern California.

When you have a group of people living in a bubble and projecting flaws they cannot admit among themselves to others, you get the root of Bay Area culture.

“We’re not racist or intolerant, it’s those hicks down south”

“I am not shallow, it’s men who are for objectifying women”

“Oh my god can you believe the racism out on the east coast” (while turning a blind eye to the complaints from minorities feeling mistreated at large Silicon Valley corporations)

“Oh how can those people be so judgmental and intolerant, the nerve!” (While overlooking the elitism of San Francisco culture)

You have this attitude which spills over throughout the city and the people exercising it never have to come to terms with a not so fortunate reality, that they are a bunch of hypocrites who embody the very traits they condemn others for having. I think it is truly a unique situation which makes a city create one of the most toxic culture while producing the most toxic personalities we have known.

When a woman has been told men are evil for objectifying her while ignoring the fact that women too objectify men to the same extent, you get a situation where women have disdain for most men and want to see them suffer. When you get people raised so wealthy, sheltered and drugged up to think they are part of a utopia despite being an actual shithole, you are getting a population out of touch with reality that feels that they are above criticism and the rules that apply to others do not apply to them.

Say men are evil and need to bend over backwards while I can sit on my ass all day, who cares? Some desperate wealthy man will marry me.

Passive aggressively accuse others of being arrogant, shallow, vain and narcissistic while I live in prosperity not having known a struggle in my life, who cares? No one is going to call me out on it.

Say racist shit to some Chinese immigrant, who cares? I am not like those hicks down south.

I digress right? But here is how it leads to low quality and bad dating cultures.

Why take care of yourself when you can call men sexist for objectifying women for their appearance?

Why stop acting unpleasant and stirring the pot when no one is going to call you out on your demeanor?

Why have a degree of class and decency when acting like a total bitch will still get you white knights?

I noticed when I was in NYC and in a lot of East Coast cities, while men would be more than happy to be gentlemen, a lot of them did readily call unpleasant women out on their shit. In San Francisco, such women would be untouched and in many ways out of touch with reality. I don’t condone being a dick to women as I think abusive men with bullying tendencies need a good haymaker to the face but after a while, there has to be a line. When a culture is created to where any kind of woman thinks she can get away with anything, you get hell for dating.

Women in other parts of the country and the world had instances where they knew the boundaries of respect, decency, and practicing whatever you preached. In San Francisco, that never happened to any of the women growing up.

Now here is where it really hurts, you can only live that fantasy for so long until reality secretly creeps into your head.

No matter what kind of mental gymnastics you play or fantasy you try to create for yourself, reality ultimately kicks in. Women in San Francisco and Northern California in general know deep down their image is not good but they play mental gymnastics to divert attention away from it. When people talk “California girls”, they’re talking Southern California, not the Bay Area. Most sane men do not wake up talking about the amazing women of the Bay Area and deep down inside, a lot of the women realize that and that inferiority complex shows.

Despite whatever they tell themselves or whatever kind of air of superiority they have, reality hits and it hits hard. No matter how beautiful she might see herself as or might even objectively be, a woman from San Francisco has to live with the fact that being from that city will lower her status to the rest of the country compared to her sisters in Southern California or just about anywhere else in the country. No amount of mention gymnastics or “XYZ”-shaming is going to solve that.

The inferiority complex that resides deep down in women from the Bay Area butting heads with a false sense of superiority creates a highly insecure woman who is willing to quickly step over others without mercy to socially get ahead. Now this is part of the reason why you get the horrible culture of The Bay Area, you have a bunch of people living in a bubble but at the back of their head knowing that reality is right around the corner.

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