inner game · self-improvement

A relation between modern day sales and dating.

The overlap between sales and dating is quite strong, especially when it comes to actually attracting women. Now like any other profession out there, sales has also evolved a bit from the good old days of cold calling until someone took a meeting with you to something more sophisticated.

For my current work, a lot of what I do basically qualifies as a sales role in the modern world. A number of my close friends work in a sales heavy role where their job is to help a company get new business and attract the attention of potential buyers.

Gone are the days of strictly cold calling.

Whether it is for my role or a role my friends are in, gone are the days of constantly cold calling to get a meeting. While cold calling is not dead and will always be an essential part of any sales job, the truth is that it is well over-used. Once sales teams massively dialed down a list, a number of decision-makers and C-level contacts at companies were flooded with cold calls. Now, those same contacts are trying to find ways to avoid incoming calls by having stricter measures on their phones or making it tough to find their number.

So how are sales teams getting it done?

How is it that despite these barriers, there are so many sales reps out there crushing quota? Well, they evolved. Due to the rise in various forms of communication such as emails, social media, and other avenues to reach a prospect; the best reps changed the way they did things to get the message across. What was once spam calling and pitching until someone took a meeting turned into something different: getting a relevant message across to the right person at the right time. Personalization as some tend to call it, something that even AI will find hard to replace.

Now don’t get me wrong, cold calling still works and is almost needed in just about any full cycle or early sales cycle role. You will still need to hit the phones and call up your prospects but those who exclusively rely on that are going to be less successful than those using other avenues.

Now let’s talk about how this ties into modern day dating.

For those of us who knew about “game”, we all know just how valued and applauded the idea of “cold approaching” was. Men would used to go out to bars and nightclubs to cold approach a lot of women, an idea they refer to as “sarging”. The reality is that you could actually succeed with that and every now and then, you came across women who were receptive. Women used to actually go out to proactively meet men at bars and nightclubs, it was very commonplace.

Another concept that was introduced was the idea of “daygame” where you would talk to women as you were out and about. The idea here is that you would get women hooked to where they gave you a number and as a result, get a date and hopefully more. You could meet women in stores or out and about in public, you just had to be brave enough to make the approach.

As you can see, cold approaching is the equivalent of cold calling here. You can see that sales and dating have a lot of overlap where you can relate aspects of sales to dating and meeting women.

Then times changed and women found other ways to meet men.

Instead of just social circles and hoping the right man comes along, the online dating culture exploded. Women have so many options in today’s world to meet various kinds of men out there. As the pickup movement got popular, more and more men ended up going out to approach women and meet them. Now the art of cold approach and being hit on by strangers was so normalized that your typical hot girl gets tons of options every day as she walks out of her apartment, some guy is usually trying to chat her up.

You can compare the approaches an attractive woman gets to the amount of times someone in the C-suite or a decision-maker at a major company has someone reaching out to them to sell them something. As you can see, they barely have enough time to take a call or meeting with just about anyone.

The countless spammy cold callers are shut down with brutality if they come at the CEO with something not worth their time. Even if the tool can make the life of the company easy, the truth is that they are not going to act on it if the sales person did not come with a relevant message at the right time. Such is the story for a beautiful woman, there are too many men coming at her in many ways for her to entertain most approaches.

Annndddd pickup also came under fire….

With a lot of the big names in pickup making news for all of the wrong reasons and even getting arrested for harassing women, the movement came under fire. Now most pickup artists have either retired from the game or shifted completely from the aggressive approach they used to preach. What pickup actually led to is countless uncalibrated men going out and about to approach women and creep them out.

But just like cold calling is still alive, so is cold approaching. The thing is that successful cold calling has evolved!

In any sales organization outside of a rare few that sell a niche product that is high in demand, cold calling is needed to hit your number. Even though cold calling alone will not get you to go well above your number, it is still essential to your job. Similarly, I would say that cold approaching is without a doubt still a viable way to meet women.

Now with successful cold calling these days, you are not an annoying telemarketer. What you are actually doing is calling people with a relevant message that gets them to take action, it is very personalized to where the person does not feel like they are being spammed. In a similar way, cold approaching is not phony tricks or nonsense about palm reading, it is something that is non-intrusive yet gets the job done. You respect when the given time might not be right and use intuition to see if it is worth it to approach or not.

The most successful guys are not just using cold approaching though, no matter how good.

I will admit that cold approaching does work and it will get you some results. At some points in life, you will want to get to a point where you can see a beautiful woman and at least talk to her to show yourself you tried. At times, luck might even strike and you might even end up getting with her.

All this being said though, the most successful guys are actually using multiple-avenues to meet women. Social circles, hobbies, dating apps, events, nightgame, daygame, and you name it. The most successful men from what I have noticed use every leverage they can to stay competitive and get girls. In the same way, successful sales reps use every avenue to meet clients.

The game has evolved and the most successful men evolved with it.

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