inner game · partying · self-improvement · Uncategorized

Learn when not to approach.

The Coronavirus has taken the country by storm in the recent weeks. Despite the overall empty landscape in the largest city in America, I went out to a rooftop I really like and found that it had just enough people in it.

I see this tall blonde who was not bad looking at all, she had a distinct look to her and was overly dressed. Along with her I see about five other women who are in a group taking photos of each other, they probably took over twenty of them. At that moment, I realized that they are not there to meet new people but rather enjoy some kind of gathering. I saw the group closed into a circle with each other and occasionally dance with each other. Outside of the blonde and one other redhead, the other women in the group were significantly overweight.

Immediately, I notice a few things.

  1. The women are clearly in a large group to chill with just each other which on its own is not a red flag but we factor other things in.
  2. Two women are good looking, the rest are hideous, experienced guys know what an uphill battle this is.
  3. The women are focused solely on taking a lot of pics for social media.
  4. They are way overdressed and hungry for attention, this does not mean they are going to go home with anyone.

I decided not to approach as someone who has been trigger happy in the past, it is the best decision I made that night.

PUA taught men wrong.

PUA taught men to approach everything in sight to develop their game and lose the “approach anxiety”. The issue here is that if you are spam approaching, you are doing it completely wrong. In fact, spam approachers get identified fast in a bar and a social setting, often lowering their value in the process. Soon, the trigger happy spammer has been identified as “that guy” and is being actively avoided by women. Plus, you are treating the approach as a number, emphasizing quantity over quality as you validate women along the way who don’t need to be validated.

Instead, train yourself to feel out the situation and test your intuition.

Look for indicators of her being interested in you before you decide to approach and feel the whole situation out. Feel out the social vibe and adjust yourself to it, do not be that loud nightclub guy at a calm rooftop where everyone is just chilling out. See if the bar is one worth approaching at or if it is time to switch venues based on things like ratios and how close people are together in a social group.

Take a moment, reflect, and observe.

How is the body language of women at the bar like? Is it open or is it closed?

Is it mainly large groups circled in with each other or are there small groups of women (2-4)?

Are the groups circled in with each other or are they more open to where they are okay with a stranger talking to them?

Do you see any women giving you minor hints that they want to be approached?

How engaged are they in their group conversation versus looking around?

Keep a feel for all of these situations and learn to be good at reading them so you come off as more natural than a pickup artist.

“But what if I really want to talk to her and she is like really hot.”

I get that for sure, the feeling of seeing the woman of your dreams right next to you at the bar and then knowing that if you do not approach it will eat away at you. As much as I am happy in situations where I don’t approach, I too have regrets of when I wish I did. My advice there would be unless there is something really in the way such as her being with a guy who is clearly her boyfriend or her trying to get away from you, just go for it. The morale of the story here is do not do it multiple times at a bar to where you are spamming women, that is when it gets bad, make the approaches count.

On top of this, cultivate an abundance mentality in your head.

So you saw a really hot girl but all of the indicators pointed to the fact that she was a tease at best, so what? Maybe it is easy for me to say this being in NYC but there are so many beautiful women around. You will find countless situations in life where it is a prime time to approach a beautiful woman, be on your game then and be natural about it.

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