After reading posts on dating and masculinity forums over the years and having talked to a few men, I found a very troubling trend I wanted to address. All too often, I see a guy mention the following things and ask for dating advice:
- Still living with parents after the age of 21
- Still not gainfully employed
- No career or idea on how he will make his money
- Not independent and relying on parents to support him after the age of 21
If you are this guy, please get off of all dating forums and get your shit together, you’re a loser right now and it has to be said. I am not calling you a loser because you happen to lack direction in life, I am calling you a loser because you have no direction in life but are obsessing over the wrong things. If you do not have your life figured out first and are not independent from your parents, the last thing you need to focus on is women. Only exception is if you at least have a plan to get somewhere in life even if you might be reliant on parents, then that is acceptable as long as you are young enough (under 22).
“But I know plenty of women who date losers.”
I too have seen women go for guys who were absolute losers, leeching off of their parents as they dated a girl that was reasonably attractive. Think about your moral compass or just dignity for a second, you’re a 25 year old still leeching off of people who will soon have to rely on outside help to fend for themselves. Even a criminal has more dignity than that!
The other thing is that those kinds of guys might settle into an long-term relationship with a girl or two who usually cannot do better at that given moment but they are rarely getting around as much as you would think. For most girls, it would be off-putting to come back home to your parents and even if you are going to her place, you probably have somewhat of a curfew to not wake the folks up when you get back. The thought of wondering where you are from your mom when you are 25, how humiliating….
Even if you do know guys who are somehow making it happen, why do you see this as something to aspire to or even be okay with?
“You must not have heard how normal it is though, more and more adults are doing it. Economic hardships man!”
I don’t fault a guy who has likely been through economic hardships and now has to be with his parents as a result. In my opinion, that guy actually put in the work at first to be independent but shit just happened. The guy I do despise is the one who never invested in any skill to get hired and is now leeching off of his parents.
In all likelihood though, you can find work and make money somehow, live with actual roommates around your age instead. Let your parents be, they looked out for you for the first 18 years, now is the time to let them be. Even if you are facing economic hardship and have to live at home, focus on finding a job an getting back on your feet before becoming a Dan Bilzerian!
“You’re being culturally insensitive man, people in some countries live with parents until they are married.”
Yes that is true, it is very common outside of the western world and quite frankly, my site is centered more for American users. If it is normal in your culture, I cannot really speak to much there. I want to be respectful of the culture in a given country but if you are living in the US, it is not normal at all no matter what articles are coming out.
My point being, get your priorities straight!
Maybe you are trying to figure out what to do with your life or what to do with your living situation, there is nothing wrong with that. My issue is when guys put dating, “game”, and chasing women before their own actual independence. Bad news, she is almost always going to pick the guy with his own place and his life together over you. Even if he is not the typical white collar type, she will pick the nightclub promoter sleeping on a friend’s couch over a guy living with his mom over him.
I don’t care about your rare exceptions, that is what they are, exceptions to the rule. My point with the thread was if you are not independent right now, forget game and women and get that fixed first. Your results are not going to be all that great anyways.
And seriously, shut up until you get it together.
Don’t bother debating people or preaching about game theory, you’re a pathetic loser doing so. Put food on your own table and pay your own rent before even thinking of game again. If you want to hate me for it, do so, I have no sympathy for guys like this.