In my previous post, I talked about why having some sort of a social life is actually a key part of having the results you want with women. Given the name of the site, this is more geared towards growing your social life as a bachelor and not someone who is married or in an LTR (in which case, stop reading this site!).
Now while most sources out there will tell you how having a social life is important (or not), they kind of leave you out there to dry without giving you any actionable advice on how to grow your social life. I am going to make this post to tell you how but we need to get a couple things out of the way first.
This is kind of personal to me.
I struggled a lot with social life growing up myself, largely due to moving around a lot and being in unfavorable situations where cliques were already tight. In the past couple of years, I have turned my social life around to where I always have friends to drink with over the weekend. It isn’t easy though…….
For some of you, it will be a godsend while for others it might not be realistic.
If you are over the age of 30, things are going to be a lot more difficult. The reason I say this is because at that point, so many people around your age are already settling down with kids or have that top of mind. If you are living in a small town, the suburbs, or anywhere outside of a major city, it is also going to be quite the uphill battle. The reason I say that is because most people in those environment stick with groups they already knew growing up. If you are in a school setting, this post is not for you, all of this should come to you naturally.
The truth is, some of you might just be better off being that lonely pickup artist. Sure, it will limit your success but you will find that changing your social life requires changing yourself first.
Realize that you will fail a lot in doing this, it is normal.
You will commonly have nights where you meet a person and it seems like you have hit it off only to find that you met a fickle character. Many times it might seem like you are making friendships but really, it is people being nice. At times, you’ll find that most guys are too pre-occupied with getting laid or making an impression on a crowd to get their name across rather than making friends, count yourself lucky as these are the last kinds of guys you would want to be friends with (they’ll backstab you in a heartbeat). When it does happen though, it is going to be beautiful and lead to amazing lifelong experiences.
If you go through an activity and get even one friend out of it, consider it a success.
What you need to actually change about yourself:
- Really fix your mindset and train yourself to be more optimistic (this is non-negotiable, people generally hate being around negative people)
- Learn to be more in touch with what society is doing and recent trends (whatever the hottest show on Netflix is or conversation starters, most normal people don’t talk seduction and romantic psychology like they do on internet forums)
- Get in better shape so you look and feel better (people are shallow about friendships too)
- Learn how to dress like a normal person in your area
- Learn basic social skills and social norms (lot of work to do if you are a hermit)
- Strongly consider getting on social media (Instagram and Snapchat to show that you are “normal”, many will disagree with this but believe me, lots of people think it is weird if you do not have them)
If you have not changed some things about yourself, even the most prime opportunities will not work out for you. As I have said, this is an uphill battle if you are starting later on in life.
About social media.
Social media is here to stay whether it is LinkedIn for your career or Instagram/Snapchat for your social life. I say treat it less for flashing or showing up and more for genuinely caring about people you met. If you meet a friend who recently got into shape, like their posts and be happy for them on the inside. Don’t make social media a dick measuring contest or a way to show off, use it to keep in touch with awesome people who will undoubtedly be on it and train yourself to be happy for their accomplishments. Moving on….
Vetting friends properly.
If you want to do it the right way, you pick friends that are on the same wavelengths as you and want the same things you want. If you are the kind of guy to party and meet women, it does not make sense to have religious friends with strict morals. This guide is more suited to help you find friends that will help make you more attractive, will party with you, and will help you meet women whether directly or indirectly.
For starters, you need to be in a major city or any area which has the following:
- A lot of people in their twenties
- The average marriage age being after the age of 30
- A lot of the culture geared towards that group (music events, bars, nightclubs, etc.)
The reason I say this is because think back to the college days which are prime for growing a social life, why was that the case? You had a lot of younger people without any major family responsibilities who wanted to meet more people like them. If you look at most of the country, whether suburbia or small towns, you have a lot of people who are focused on family life after the age of 22 which might not align with what you are looking for (hence why you opened this blog). It might not be a major city you need to move to but you need to look for an area that fits those standards.
Common avenues people recommend that have actually not worked out so well.
People commonly recommend hobbies and team sports as a way to make new friends, I strongly disagree with this from personal experience. Co-ed sports might work if you learn to vet for the sleazy guys who make it blatantly obvious they are there to get laid, and fail most of the times. Most people who are in hobby groups or sports are only there for the activity, after that fails they usually forget about the group.
Some say bars and nightclubs are good too, I have also found this to be a total waste of time for a social life. Most guys in the setting are too busy trying to get laid or hang out with their crew to really meet new people. After the night of drinking is done, they wonder who you even are.
Meetup is also not that great, a lot of the times it is mainly guys there to meet women. You will always get older men who are just there to get numbers from the few women there, many times men outnumber women significantly. The crowd also skews a bit older and consists mainly of people using it as their last resort for making friends.
Now for what works….
Here are the avenues I have found that actually work for growing your social life:
Former coworkers and coworkers in different departments who are not directly competing with you.
The saying goes that your coworkers are not your friends, this is to an extent actually true. If coworkers are in direct competition with you, I do not recommend going out with them. Throughout your twenties, you will change jobs a handful of times and even if you don’t, you will have coworkers that do. If you have had a decent enough relationship with some of them and been at a job long enough, it is an easy way to hangout if your coworker is a single and socially normal guy.
Often times, friendships are formed when you struggle through certain situations together. After college, you and your coworkers will struggle with some common situations together for a prolonged period of time. Make friends with them because they have friends too.
Professional organizations and meetups for your given career.
If you are in more of a social career such as marketing or sales, this is actually a great avenue. One way to vet for prospects here is to simply bring up bars and nightclubs in your given city, see what they see, and if you have a conversation around that then great. If you are a guy that is regularly going out, you now have a potential wingman or someone who might actually respect your ability to meet women. For more introverted professions, this can be trickier but remember, all you need is just one.
Any activity that encourages drinking and socializing with a given group.
I did say that Co-ed sports can workout but you have to vet carefully for the kinds of guys there. Unfortunately, you are in a spot where most men are focused on getting laid rather than making friends which means you will deal with guys trying to seduce girls (often unsuccessfully). At times, you might luck out by finding another guy (or even girl) who finds the whole thing hilarious as Mr. Pickup Artist fails yet again to meet a girl, these might be your friends.
Travel groups as you travel.
Instead of traveling alone, I recommend going for travel groups that are geared towards a younger age group (EF is a good one). You will travel in groups of people around your age who are looking to have fun, party, and enjoy a new destination. Whenever you go out and have a good time, you are always having with a group for at least about a couple weeks. Social media comes in handy to stay in touch with them in case they are to end up in the same city as you.
Roommates around your age.
If you move to a major city with a high cost of living, you will have to live with roommates. I would suggest looking at the Roomi app where you can see the social media that might be associated with a roommate or learn about some of what they like to do. If what the roommate does is a fit for your social life goals, I strongly recommend moving in with them. The best part is that a lot of times, you will find living situations that do not require a one-year lease, great for when you are new to the city.
Guys from pickup and seduction forums.
Curveball for you! As much as I might thrash about seduction forums and communities, at times for good reason, they can actually be great places to potentially find socially adjusted men like yourself who want to meet women. A lot of times, you want to browse the meetup section and not pay too much attention to the guys who post a ton. Hang out for a drink or two with the guy and then see where it goes from there, make sure he isn’t a pickup clown but rather a normal who just wants to meet women.
Dates and women who are okay with not being exclusive with you.
If you find women who are okay with not being exclusive with you but you two have hit it off well, be friends with them. I know it sounds strange but women generally have more friends than men. Be okay with going out with them, you’ll be surprised how much more people open up to you when you are out with a girl as opposed to just out alone. Once again, this is kind of bottom of the list since you have to make sure she is okay with not being exclusive with you.
Friends of all of the above.
Second and third degree connections, friends of friends you have met above. Literally anyone who knows your now new friends and has just met with you, great conversation starter. You will actually find a great deal of cool friends through this method and the guard is down more since you have the common connections. By this method, you are actually going to springboard your social life.
Have fun with the most memorable experiences life can bring and thank me later!