Why most pickup and dating forums are worthless

For those of you who read my long life story, you remember that back during my late adolescence and as I approached my early twenties, I had a habit of spending a lot of time on pickup forums and seduction spaces. As someone stuck in the middle of nowhere USA where people were hyper-religious and got married by twenty-two, I didn’t exactly have good help to turn to for advice around women, dating, and getting laid. Out of desperation, I did something that bored and desperate people do, I went on Google and searched for pages.

Now I am not sure what I searched, it was something along the lines of what to text a girl or perhaps how to talk to a girl you like, and at some point I came across a forum. I saw the discussion happening and thought to myself that perhaps I join it, not even sure of the name of it. Something about the exchange of ideas back and forth made it very easy for me to pass time in bumfuck USA. So I joined and then after that, being a guy who wanted people to talk to, I joined more and more and more forums. At one point, I was a member of about four to five different forums dedicated to meeting women and dating.

In many ways, it was entertaining, I could speak my mind and exchange ideas with people across the globe. I came across some stuff that was insightful and there was a role played in my own development as a result of using such forums. Even when I had an argument with someone, it kind of lighted a fire in an otherwise mundane and miserable life to have that back and forth. Looking back at it, I don’t even know how accurate the material was or how much value it had in the real world, it’s hard to really know. 

Most of the times, we would all argue about really the smallest of things on these forums. A lot of people picked back and forth battles trying to rip each other apart, some going as far as to pull personal information about someone to ridicule them. In a few circumstances, I was a target of some angry posters who were annoyed at my whining and found myself having to defend my reputation. Ironically, these days a lot of my blog traffic comes from seduction forums despite me not having posted in for quite some time.

Come to think of it, it slowly became about just that rather than what we all originally came there to do.

Who is who on the hierarchy? 

Who is the most vocal and politically influential guy on the forum? 

Who is most up to date with forum drama and playing the politics well? 

I found that the posters who posted frequently, said insightful things, made up a lot of theories, and were active almost everyday were the voice of authority. Now it so happened that as I got a busier life, I had less time to post on forums or really any forum period. My days were so exhausting during that period that when they ended, I was passed out on the bed. So it made me kind of wonder, how are these guys spending so much time on an internet message board yet managing to have anything close to a productive life? I mean somewhere, there must be some sort of a gap whether it is dating related, career related, social life, or hobbies related.

What it really was in the end was the blind leading the blind.

In a nutshell, pickup forums are guys who do not have success with women teaching guys who do not have success with women.

With enough time on your hands and a strategic outlook, you could craft up a persona to make up a playboy lifestyle. Give a creative enough mind some time and they could pull off being a Dan Bilzerian on a pickup forum, it would not be that hard. Unless that forum requires you to post pics of women as you sleep with them, which is flat out creepy, it would be kind of hard to discredit you. Some will say that it seems unlikely from your story but sex can happen in the most unlikely times and circumstances.

The typical post will go with someone asking about their problem in life and usually giving a life story, someone else will come in and recommend things without really having much certainty there, and then people will try to be carelessly optimistic rather than offering real advice. A lot of times, people will talk abstract ideas and theories rather than something currently useful.

Here is why pickup forums are useless for the most part.

Respect and credibility are judged more on who plays the rank game and less on actual success.

The most senior or respected members are going to be guys who learned how to play forum politics, not guys who are actually going out there and doing well. Guys who can make up theories, get along with everyone, and offer “advice” (usually upbeat happy-go-lucky stuff) are going to become the most respected guys. Now the issue with this is that a lot of the answers, you can easily look up on Google and even someone who has not had much success out there can pretend to be someone who has. 

Just make enough posts, earn enough points, don’t piss anyone off (especially if they are a senior member), and soon you will be on your way to being an authority. 

Most of those guys are out of touch.

Rarely will a guy who has a vast social circle, lots of friends, lots of hot girls in his life, and is living a life close to Dan Bilzerian’s ever spend his time on pickup forums. Majority of the guys on pickup forums are social outcasts who are trying to figure it out and the other half are social outcasts pretending to be players. I would say you are lucky if you find more than five guys on any pickup forum who post regularly and still manage to do well with women. In fact, the few guys who do well will often not post much, maybe going there to meet a potential wingman and that’s about it.

A lot of the regular posters are so out of touch with their own age group that they usually just use the forum to vent about how bad things are, not about how well they are doing.

You have no idea of how these guys really look and yes, looks fucking matter.

While you do not have to look like John Stamos or David Gandy to do well, you have to look presentable. How fit you are, your style, and your vibe cannot be determined based on forum posts themselves. It is rare that you have any idea of how a guy looks or his style on a lot of these forums which is just troubling given how much these things matter. You have to look like a guy who actually cares about his appearance, that means not being fat and wearing shitty clothes that don’t fit you.

You have no idea what kind of an environment or culture the person giving the advice is in.

A guy growing up in sexually liberal Norway has no room to give advice to someone growing up in a backwater town where if you lose your virginity before marriage, it will be a social problem. You have no idea what kind of a place or culture someone is growing up in because what works in Denmark is not going to work in some backwater southern town. In other words, you barely have any idea of context and when giving advice, it is strange for someone from a country where the majority of the forum’s population is not from to be a respected voice. You cannot tell someone how to get laid in a backwater southern town when you have never done it yourself.

It’s overall a very negative atmosphere.

While some pickup forums can keep an upbeat and positive vibe, most pickup forums and just endless discussions on how hypergamy, feminism, and the environment are ruining everything. Women are evil, everything is fucked, the government doesn’t want you to get laid, and the conspiracy theories go on and on and on. Spend enough time on there and you’ll be constantly looking over your shoulder. A lot of the places also turn into such politics to the point that people want each other to fail more than they want each other to succeed. Spend long enough of a time on most pickup forums, you’ll become a very cynical and negative person.

So what can you do?

Pickup forums are largely worthless, real life guidance you get sucks, and you feel like there is no guide at all. What I recommend is that if you join a pickup forum, avoid the sections that are more general conversation, offtopic, or politics oriented. Go to the sections that are more about field reports and actually revolve around being a dairy, not ones that revolve around pointless theory discussions. Now what you can do that way is seek guidance on perhaps what you could have done in a given situation instead of overthinking it all.

Most of all, don’t put that much value into one girl. If you have to ask about her or if she is really on your mind to the point where you are afraid you might lose her, well you probably will lose her because she has power over you. Instead, don’t think of it as you learning game to keep her, think of it as you learning advice so you can apply that to every other girl moving forward. I will dedicate future posts on how to pick out the legit sources from the frauds out there.

How do you know I am legit?

If that question came to your mind, great, because it should have. Truth be told, a lot of my posts have been conceptual and more chit-chat than actionable advice a lot of times. For one, you live by the philosophy of this blog that even the experts can be wrong because of how emotions impact the overall situation itself. At best, I can give you a general guideline but it is on you to go out there, experiment with it, come back to me, and say whether or not it worked. 

Sure, I can give you a guide to going out in NYC but after a year, it might not even be relevant (especially with COVID and how it may impact nightlife). I can give you so much advice but just like the times, trends, and circumstances, it will change. In game, you have to be nimble because it can all change like that.

I am the kind of guy where I would ask you to send me a pic of yourself (face blurred out if needed), give me context on your location and environment, see your style, and then what you are hoping to achieve. If I feel like it sounds unrealistic, I’ll let you know and tell you what you should be aiming for. 

This blog is really my personal observation, some ways my dairy, and other ways just me talking about theories I feel good about. I cannot really even claim to be an expert despite the success because this stuff might not benefit every guy. Instead, I ask you to read my story and how I went from a loser to having success. Improving looks, taking better photos, and being more in tune with what is going on in a given setting took me places. 

I encourage everyone to look at other sources and most importantly, take action so you can form your own opinion after it. What I can say is that if you dream about getting with hot girls and living that kind of a high life, prepare to work harder than you ever have, deal with disappointment after disappointment, make more enemies than you are used to, and come to a breaking point to where you decide if it is really for you or not.

 

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