So his posts marks a special occasion in this blog’s formation, it is post number 100. With this post, my blog crosses the triple digit post count and with what I have in store, we could very well be at a thousand posts before we know it. I actually wanted to have this post focus on unique life lessons I have learned so far in my twenties, things that others will not tell you about in their life lessons for their twenties. Moving forward, the content posted will really determine whether or not this blog is for you. Now to start with what is going to be one very long post which is a mix of life lessons and things I wish I would have taken seriously in my twenties.
Moving on to those life lessons….
1. The world doesn’t care about what you went through, only what you can do for it.
Takes the cake for being the most powerful life lesson I have learned to date.
Parents that abused you and took advantage of you? Tough luck.
Tough and unfair circumstances growing up? Yeah well, brush it off.
Never had the advantages the rich and privileged kids had? Well, tough life, cry me a river.
Now some of you may think I am being insane here and will say what horrible person would think like that? Well, the answer is the majority of the world, they call it the Just World Phenomenon. At the end of the day, people only care about the results and the outcomes of whatever you do. My point being, there is no use whatsoever of whining about it because most people tend to brush it off as just that, whining about it. People rather hear about your struggles after you have found success, not before it.
What this means is that society is also very outcome and results driven, no matter how easy or hard it was to get that outcome. You’ll even notice it with the dating world and men that struggle versus those that have it easy.
The guy that struggles likely had a bad relationship with his parents, a tougher than normal life, and probably missed out on key developmental milestones in life that help you mature. Now none of this could have been through any fault of his own but hey, shit happens. Compare this to a guy who is likely a natural; he probably had rich parents that spoiled him, easy circumstances growing up, and a lot went in his favor in his youth. At the end of the day, he is the one with the hot girls and you are not, that’s just what the world sees. In the eyes of the world, he is the winner, you are not.
So what should you do? Find the answer and resolution despite the tough circumstances, deliver those results. As much as I hate to say it, that is the truth.
2. Never judge people by what they say, only by what they do.
Friends, dates, business partners, and even family; always judge people based on their actions and the outcomes of those actions. If you have a friend who swears he is a great friend but time and time again puts you in tough situations and screws you over, you either have a shitty friend or are dealing with a psychopath that takes advantage of people. All too often, sociopaths will put on a show of being good people and sound self-righteous while their actions will speak differently.
Never take rhetoric, sayings, promises, or any speech as an absolute. If you want to determine an ally from an enemy, friend from foe, and someone who wants to help you succeed versus someone who does not; only judge someone’s actions and the outcomes of those very actions. Not only will this benefit you greatly in your career and social life but also in game.
A girl says you are the world to her but refuses to fuck you? Move on. Actions speak louder than words, plain and simple. One concept I will cover later on when its comes to getting laid is what I call “the proof is in the pussy”. To give you a preview of it, if the actions you take, the people in your life, and the women are not leading to sex; it is time to re-evaluate things.
Same when following advice from any dating advice, if the results are not there and all you get is rhetoric, run! What this rule will do is stop you from being scammed or taken advantage of by the predatory forces that exist in this world.
3. I wish I had built up a social media presence earlier, don’t make the same mistake I did.
So I listened to the red pill philosophy of staying off of social media and how it is so evil and messes with you mentally. Needless to say, it cost me in big ways at the time and I left a lot on the table as a result.
I was off of Facebook and Instagram for most of my college career and did not start to take it seriously until after college, not even having a LinkedIn page at that point. Not only did I miss out on the word of the parties around campus and social gatherings but I also screwed myself over financially. I could have made myself more marketable to employers by having a stronger LinkedIn brand and built up a powerful network to make myself employable. Once I did get in on it, I barely had to worry about job security, I once told my network I was laid off and had fifteen interviews the following two weeks.
Meanwhile, my friends who put in the work on their Instagram and social media presence have a very powerful side income despite being in their mid-twenties. A lot of them can make over a thousand dollars a month on the side through their Instagram accounts, these people are barely in their mid-twenties and have a sizable amount of side-income coming in every month as a result of their social media presence.
Romantically, I missed out on great experiences by not being connected and lowered my value by not being on Instagram. I learned the lesson sooner rather than later and was able to portray a great value as a result but it still cost me years.
4. The longer it takes you to get ownership of your own life, the more you are delaying some prime years, potentially missing them.
As you guys may know from my story, my parents were involved in my life for far too long, even up to my early twenties. If I had taken ownership of my life earlier, I would have probably had a better college experience and been less traumatized at the time. Unfortunately, I took too long to get my life on the track and let my parents run it for too long. Needless to say, I missed out on all of my adolescence and early twenties, something that haunted me for a while.
I still have friends who let their parents run their lives for far too long and their crisis is a crazy one. The worst part is as you get older, you have more and more responsibilities to answer to. My friends have had parents pressure them into a mortgage and graduate school, even putting them into debt. Now imagine how messed up the rest of their life can potentially get if they do not find an answer to this problem!
Now this also goes for your life in general. Even when you grow up, people will try to shame you into taking your life a certain direction, call you names and use the infamous guilt-trip to make you live life the way they want instead of how you want. Very often, these are broken people with broken dreams who have given up on their own life and spend their time gossiping and judging others as they have very little in them to create something good of their own.
You want to be the next Dan Bilzerian or sleep with lots of hot girls? They’ll say you are a terrible person, how fake the life is, and how you are a sexist that objectifies women.
You want to marry a beautiful woman? They’ll say how beauty is never skin deep and you need to judge women based on more than just looks.
You want to make a lot of money? They’ll say how there is more to life than money and how bad of a person you are for wanting to be rich.
You get my drift here, my point being, keep your goals to yourself and don’t let the world in on them. Most people secretly want what you want but are too insecure to come to terms with it so they act morally self-righteous. Truth be told, the world wants you to own a house with kids and an average looking wife and a cookie cutter life. You came into this world alone, you’ll leave it by yourself as well.
5. If you don’t keep up with the current trends, you will suffer.
I am not saying to get the latest goofy haircuts or wear the shoes everyone is wearing, I am saying you should keep up to date on where the market is going. See how people are interacting compared to the past and a famous example, get in on things like social media before they become oversaturated. Don’t get left behind or become a dinosaur because you decided to ignore what is going on around you.
You can either be like the people that whine endlessly about how bad things have become, there is a place for you to do just that and whine about modern trends with other men. On the other end, you can immerse yourself into the modern trends and see how they help you get ahead in life. Better to make a LinkedIn profile to get a job in 2020 than to be that guy who shows up to the office cold with a resume in hand, the latter is creepy and out of touch. Some other trends to keep an eye on are remote work and how COVID will change things, keep your ears to the ground on this and capitalize!
Just like businesses that cannot adjust to the current market fail, same with people who cannot adjust to current times. Keep your ear to the ground, see where society is going, avoid the negative Nancies who will do nothing but whine, and try to see what you need to be doing to succeed.
6. Within reason, take risks, be happy with failing.
Take that job you were curious about that challenges you, approach that hot girl who will likely turn you down, and attempt to do something to challenge yourself. Be ready to take risks or else, you are just not doing enough. Now I did say within reason, what I mean by that is do not do something completely foolish that can ruin your life like getting into fist fights at a bar or doing something illegal.
Launch that blog you always wanted to launch, speak your mind on it, and try to start a business that will make you an income on the side. In other words, do something that is going to push your boundaries. If you feel insecure about how strong you are, join that MMA gym and let a professional beat you down and coach you to being a better fighter. If you feel insecure about how confident and bold you are? Talk to the next hot girl you cross paths with and embrace the rejection, let it happen and pick up on those feelings. Even for the best of men, life is full of rejection and failure before they succeed. Get used to the idea of rejection and failing, in fact, I’d advocate for cold approach for mainly this very reason.
7. I wish I valued building my social life and network over getting laid more, the former helps a lot with the latter.
I was that thirsty PUA for a lot of college, especially early on, and my ways made me more enemies than friends. In some instances, I was that creepy guy that no one wanted to invite to parties and in others, the awkward guy who didn’t get social norms. Looking back at those years, I found that men who actually had the most success with women and were getting laid with the hottest girls were social guys with lots of friends.
Even as I graduated, I saw it play out, guys who had good social lives were happier, more fulfilled, and enjoyed more success with women. I believe that most attractive women value that need to belong to a fun social group more so than just about anything else. A lot of what they do, they do for validation, which is why they have such robust social media accounts and care so much for likes and comments.
The guys who can provide that feeling of having a lot of friends and people in their lives give off that image of a desirable product. After all, why would so many people want to be around that person? No woman wants a lonely wedding and majority of good looking women daydream about having a big following and a big crowd for themselves. Status can easily be boiled down to how people see you on a social level and if people are willing to invite you to parties, show up to your social gatherings, and want you in their lives; you’re valuable. Being socially desired and having a big circle of people in your life naturally leads to meeting more women and being attractive to higher quality women.
Lone wolves, outside certain circumstances, are often hated and avoided for a reason. The main question that gets asked, how bad is this guy to where no one wants to be his friend or hang out with him?
Quite frankly, if you have enough money (80k or so), a good bit of friends, a loving girlfriend or enough good looking women on rotation, and a skill you are passionate about, you’re pretty much living a fulfilled life. I’ll talk more about this on future posts.
8. Find your skill that will feed you build on it, ASAP!
Better at coding than anything else? Invest your time in it!
For some, it came earlier than usual, such as those with a musical or athletic talent. For others, it was related to a talent they picked up along the way such as writing or being good at presenting on videos. If you have not found this skill, find it immediately and build on it. One way to make money is through your career and I hope you picked on that spoke to your skills. The other way? Through your skill, even better if it lines up with your career, you can use it to still make money on the side. If you have not done this by the end of your twenties, and I am being lenient here as realistically I’d say by the age of 25, it is a serious serious problem.
Find what you are good at and see how you can make money off of it. In today’s Information Age, there is just no excuse. Depending on where you are, I’d dedicate at least a couple hours a day into building your skill.
9. You’ll look back and value experiences above all else, if you haven’t already, build some!
That one night you, some hot girls, and a couple good friends went out to party and had a great time. That one time you and a couple good friends went to Vegas. Your vacation to Europe with a large travel group that also loves drinking. Going out to wing with a really good friend at a bar and not giving a fucking about what happens later, yet somehow pulling a couple of hot girls back to your place. Memories, memories, and more memories!
As you get older, more than anything, you are going to remember the memories you had with your friends and social groups than anything else. You’ll remember the wild nights in bed with a really attractive woman, that crazy threesome, and the night you and a wing pulled. When talking about happiness and fulfillment in life, experiences come at the top and time itself is something you cannot have back while money, you can. Once again, be reasonable here but don’t become that prude who stays shut into his apartment because he is hyper vigilant about how he spends.
Yes you do need to be financially responsible but truth be told, you cannot get time back. Yes it might be more expensive to move to that big city as opposed to a small town but the big city will give you enjoyable and developmental life experiences the small town cannot. Plus, if you tried to do the same thing in your forties, it would just be very strange and weird. Money you can get back, time you cannot, build enjoyable life experiences or you will end up that boring type A personality who cannot make friends.
Take that fun bartending gig for a year or two. Work in a foreign party island at some point. Go to Amsterdam and Thailand with a couple buddies. Do it before you get way too old.
10. You actually don’t have a lot of time!
Speaking of time, let’s talk about how you have little of it, your twenties will be gone in the blink of an eye!
You hear it all the time from the elderly, you’re young you have plenty of time, wrong! You really don’t have much time to build the life you always wanted for yourself, your twenties are kind of the last decade for you to get your shit together. Now that is not to say other people haven’t bounced back in their thirties and an older age and killed it in life but the point being, you’re better off getting it together in your twenties. All great roots for what is to come later in life are laid in your twenties, you have to lay that groundwork.
When it comes to finding your calling and building on it, you do not have much time, make every day in your twenties count.
When it comes to accumulating social experiences, you do not have much time, make every day in your twenties count.
When it comes time to enjoying life and doing fun things, you do not have much time, pretty soon you might be too old for it.
Maybe I am wrong with this one but err on the side of caution. Better for you to have moved with urgency in your twenties to build your dream life and realized I was wrong, knowing you still have time, than for you to have waited and seen time pass you by!