inner game · psychology · relationship · self-improvement

Maybe Oscar Wilde had a point!

“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” – Oscar Wilde

So about that saying.

Oscar Wilde might have been on to something in my view even though he was a bit radical about his point. I’ve long wanted to talk about this quote and how legitimate I think it actually is. If I had not attached that saying to one of the most respected authors in history, I would be a perv at best and a sex-crazed psycho who needs to be kept away from civilization at worst. Yet, a respected voice in history did say that so I decided I share my experience around it. If you don’t know who Oscar Wilde is or have never heard of him, let’s just say that he is a really respected author and leave it at that. I encourage you to do some research on him, a good book to start with is The Picture of Dorian Gray. 

Now we have all heard how “sex sells” and at this point, if I was to tell you about how a lot of things marketed to you are marketed to ultimately get you sex, it would all be redundant. Why read a blog that will tell you something that you kind of already know? I wanted to actually share a story and how I actually discovered that Oscar Wilde had a point, outside of the marketing behind sex.

A Man Of God.

By now, for those of you who know my life story, you know how much of my life I spent in not just the Bible Belt specifically Georgia. Back around the age of nineteen, I had hit it off really well with this one girl named Melanie. Melanie was originally from Massachusetts and was staying down south for a year due to a project she was working on for her company, part of it involved taking a class at my school. 

Now Melanie was a beautiful woman with brunette hair, green eyes, shiny pale skin with freckles, and a model figure. One night, me and Melanie give each other the vibe that we are more than friends and someone I knew from a church group happens to be around, his name is David. After Melanie leaves to go home, David probes into the situation. Now David was also a church group leader who regularly taught lost people in life to be closer to Jesus.

“Hey man, are you two like together?” he asks.

“No, but I am working on it,” I replied, being a bit too much of a transparent guy back then.

“Yeah I see, you know, it’s like, I think,” he said, pausing.

“Yes?” I reply.

“I think that, look we both know each from church right?” he asks.

“Uh yeah,” I reply.

“Now you know, the Bible says, sex before marriage is a sin and it says that for a reason. Now, I am not saying it has got to that point yet but maybe you should ask yourself, is Melanie a Christian girl because I have friends who know her and she isn’t really that true to God,” he says.

“Well, I mean, I never thought about that,” I replied.

“I mean I can’t blame you, but look, as a Man of God, I am looking out for you and I am telling you, sin awaits at every corner,” he says.

“Yeah but I’d rather get to know her first,” I reply.

“I can’t fault you for that but remember, temptation looks at every corner and honestly, I think you were being a bit too lustful with her,” he says.

“Interesting, I never thought of it that way but hey, I’ll see from Melanie what’s going on,” I reply.

“You can but I don’t want you to ignore what I said either, I want you to listen to me. Sometimes we are tempted to sin and god puts the right people in front of us to stop us,” he said.

“Okay, well, thank you, I have to actually go home,” I replied.

“Okay, remember, temptation finds us every day,” he said.

I felt a bit weirded out by the experience, almost as if someone was trying to control me but in a way I am not used to. A week has passed and the next thing I know, I see Melanie but David is there talking to her trying to be a bit too friendly. I approach and Melanie is excited to see me, I look at David with that strange look and then ignore him to talk to Melanie. We chat amongst each other for the time being, David trying to butt in as I ignore him, only putting my focus to Melanie. 

“Hi David, I need to talk to him about something personal,” says Melanie, as David did not get the hint.

“Yeah it’s really personal bud you mind giving us a couple moments,” I reply.

“Oh but, okay man, I mean we’re brothers here no need to keep a secret,” replied David.

“Yeah but we prefer to keep it between us for now man, I’ll tell you later,” I say to David who finally gives us our space.

“That guy is so creepy,” says Melanie, as we were a safe distance away from David.

“How so?” I reply.

“I mean, he grabbed my ass before you came and I was trying to get away from him,” she says.

“Wow, here he was telling me how he is a Man Of God,” I reply.

“Well, not sure what God you guys worship down here,” said Melanie.

“Well, you are safe with me, I never knew he was like this, he was desperately trying to tell me what a good Christian he is,” I said, a bit dumbfounded.

I later went on to find that even the self-proclaimed Man Of God himself was quite a skirt chaser but gave everyone else a lecture on being true to God. Ever since then, I was skeptical of David and decided to keep my distance from him. David was one of the handful of individuals I met in my life that drove me away from being seriously involved with religion agan, I found most youth church groups were really just a popularity contest with moral self-righteousness thrown in.

Due to my game not being great at the time and me taking too long to make a move on Melanie, she ended up with some Brazilian guy from Miami. The reason this encounter stuck with me is because of me discovering the various ways men can use indirect tactics to try and push out the competition. I mean think about it, David used someone’s fear of judgment by God to give himself a leg up in pursuing a girl.

Maybe it is all about sex, maybe Oscar Wilde had a point.

No, not the marketing and how sex is promoted in movies, I mean the idea of getting sex.

Men trying to socially bully other men? A way to keep them away from women and cool down the competition.

Witch hunts against successful men who get around a lot? Driven by envy of men not successful with women and maybe even some women who might not fit that man’s standard of beautiful (everyone has their own meaning of that these days so we won’t touch too much on that)

Guilt-trips, moral self-righteousness and techniques used to attack someone on a social level? All about sex, keeping competitors away from it. 

Denying the beauty of sex and saying nonsense like “it’s just pussy dude” (as you hear from idiots in the pickup community)? Still all about sex, just trying to lower its value in front of you so maybe you don’t go after it like you were driven to.

Maybe Oscar Wilde was wise beyond times or just saying something we all know but have been lied to enough by society to teach ourselves to not know. As for the power part, that could just that sex itself is indirectly used as a tool for power. Perhaps sex itself is a tool to show you who the real powerful men in society are due to their access to the opportunities for sex. Comes to show that no matter the gender, the value of sex in any society cannot be underestimated. All of this stuff being done is done to get sex!

Even on a social level, a societal level! The status we assign groups, how we stereotype certain groups, and the way a given group is treated. Such is done to either nullify the sexual threat that group poses, something worth further discussion on future posts, or to boost their status. Whenever a certain kind of guy is loved in a given part of the world, you can bet the status designed to raise his sex appeal is also paying off in other ways. So obviously some minority is going to struggle to get laid in an assbackwards southern town but the truth is, getting laid should not be his only concern in that place, he is likely in that situation due to other things taking place.

See how you are treated on a social level by a certain group, if you cannot get any respect from that group, chances are that you won’t do well with women from that group either. The guys and others have likely told her so much about men such as yourself that taking a social risk by sleeping with you would put a serious dent in her status. So much divisions and how the world feels can practically be boiled down to that desire for sex.

Religion aside, I kind of realized that there are many men like David.

Religion aside, I have known countless men who were morally self-righteous and used it as a strategy to socially dominate others. Yet, a lot of it shed some light on something much bigger than just those men. As I said earlier, we are all too aware of how sex is marketed to men on a global scale, hence the saying “sex sells”. What I think most men are oblivious to is how society simultaneously markets sex to them but makes them feel guilty about wanting sex.

Men have to worry about being called sleazy, perverted, and a host of other names for wanting to have sex with women they are attracted to. A man is made to feel guilty if the women he prefers happen to fit the standard of being traditionally attractive, both by other men and also women themselves. The idea of a man wanting to sleep around is so taboo in western society that at times, he risks his livelihood for it. 

Somehow making someone feel guilty for their desire of sex is used as an avenue to have power over them.

Now this shame doesn’t just come from men like our friend David but also from various angles. Media, society, parents, friends, and even the very groups intended to help men do better with women. The reality is, I would have actually decided to side with the various forces shaming men except there is one issue there. Majority of these people who are shaming men for wanting to have sex with women they are attracted to are at the same time chasing sex themselves. I would probably play a betting game saying that those very men who are engaging in the shaming want to live like Hugh Hefner (RIP!) the most deep down, even more so than the men openly wanting that lifestyle.

The self-righteous “feminist”? Best believe she objectifies handsome men herself, perhaps even more so than the very man she is attacking for liking an attractive woman.

The “Man Of God”? You would be surprised to see how many people who end up in religious organizations have their own baggage with affairs and lust.

The white knight who wants to save women from those nasty mean guys? He is not doing it out of a noble cause, he wants to sleep with her.

The Pickup Artist or former dating coach now born again with higher morals? Leave her around your girl for a few minutes and see how quickly he goes back to his old self.

Once again, I would respect some of these people if it was not for the fact that they want the very thing that normal straightforward men want. The problem is, these people are just a lot more indirect about their desires, some can say they are “nice”.

All of the social politics, arguments made to make the other side feel guilty, self-righteous virtue signaling, and that whole act? Done to take the spotlight off themselves and their desires they feel guilty for. Everytime they see a person living a fulfilled sex life and having fun, they feel bitter on the inside and decide to play up their act. Before anyone feels like I am targeting any one side of the political spectrum, the truth is, this behavior exists on both ends and even in-between. 

“So I am supposed to think that everyone is either an evil horny fuck or just covering up the fact that they are, well jeez, thanks for ruining my day!”

Before you get all depressed and blame me for it, there is some good to humanity and some amazing people out there. There are a good number of people out there who quite frankly could care less if you play with your dick all day or have a threesome with some supermodels. A lot of these people have great lives, are in great relationships, or have their own thing going on to where it doesn’t even matter. The common way to detect them is that they just don’t give a fuck. When I say that, I mean they don’t really put much value in what other people are doing, they are either genuinely happy for them or it doesn’t matter.

Most of the times, I find that these people are usually (not always) good looking and have a busy life. For some people, they have genuinely had such a fulfilled sex life and romantic one that they are really over the petty games.

You often need to watch those not succeeding and even more so than them, the morally self-righteous. Watch out for the people who get a strong reaction out of the discussion of sex eitherways, especially those keen on shaming others. 

What should be your takeaway from all of these stories and observations?

It’s quite easy, do not let anyone use tools like guilt and shaming as a weapon against you for wanting sex. As a person of either gender, you should want to fuck and not feel shameful for it because it feels fucking great! Realize that despite sex being such a beautiful thing, people who lack the personality, demeanor, and attractiveness to get it will use nasty social tactics to stop others from getting it. Be weary of these people, especially if they put on the morally self-righteous act, and live your own life.

Realize that majority, if not all, of the stuff being done is done to get sex. Sex has power over you, let it. When someone comes along who plays the morally self-righteous act, shows themselves as holier than thou in regards to sex, or just attempts to undervalue it in front of you; see it as a power play than something coming from a genuine place. 

The next time you daydream of living like Dan Bilzerian or waking up next to that supermodel wife of your dreams, lose the guilt, you’d be surprised to find that most guys want the same thing. As a matter fact, even gender aside, majority of all people want to be sexually desired or wake up next to a partner they are sexually attracted to. Just the thought of that makes you feel powerful, as if you have accomplished something. Now as for accomplishing it, that’s the harder part.

As a brash friend of mine used to say, “the proof is in the pussy”.

I used to laugh at this but then I realized that this modern-day Oscar Wilde with a horrible drinking habit was onto something. After one night when we talked, given that I am open to hearing all viewpoints, my friend said something that really stuck and made me see him as more than some brash douchebag (lovable douchebag but still a douchebag).

“People are either helping you get laid or they are working against you, directly or indirectly. The proof is in the pussy. You wanna take advice from a guy about women? See how successful he is with women himself. You got a girl you’ve been chasing but she finds an excuse? Bro, she ain’t interested, move on!” he said, as I nodded, it was one of those points that stuck.

Your friends you make are either, somehow, helping you get laid by making you more attractive, personally appealing, and introducing you to girls or getting in the way by cockblocking, shaming, or lowering your value. Same with the men you take advice from, if you want to see if they legit, see if they are having luck with women themselves or are like every other guy trying to sound like an expert.

The reality might shock you and you might be amazed at how many of your “friends” are actually dragging you down. For those who don’t want to think something as brash as the “proof is in the pussy”, ask yourself if your friends make you more or less attractive. Be a bit objective and see what kind of a life your “friends” are dragging you into, even sex aside, see if they are setting you up for a successful life in general because that does tie into attracting women.

Same with women you are chasing, while I respect that some women are religious and have a religion to value, if your efforts are not paying off then take the hint. Even the most moral women out there want sex because we were designed that way, the truth is, you are probably not making the cut or the situation is a bit to unique before you decide to beat yourself up. If almost everything has happened and you still haven’t fucked, despite your attraction (this is key), then chances are it’s time to move on.

Watch the company you keep and the time you spend!


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