inner game · millennial · partying · psychology · relationship · self-improvement · social media

How I used social media to have dating success.

As my series on social media finished, I wanted to share a personal story. So the role of social media platforms like Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook has been highly contested in the space of, well, let’s say helping guys who struggle with dating get good at dating. I am actually a huge advocate of social media and believe that whether or not we like it, it is the future. Social media, in some ways, rules how we go about getting a job in the current market but it also has a big say in our social lives.

One of my mentalities has been that instead of fighting change that is inevitable, you are better off adjusting so you don’t fall behind on the times. I initially used to dislike the idea of social media, even deleting my Facebook account and never getting in on the Instagram train when it started. After seeing how out of the loop it had put me, I decided to get in on social media. 

Some conditions for this to actually work:

  1. You have to not expect anything short-term, like you have to have vision, think past a year.
  2. You have to actually be improving in life, especially when it comes to the looks department.
  3. As you currently start, you have to have some personality and charisma to where people can at least like you or want to be around you as a person.
  4. Not exactly necessary but needed for it to have the highest ceiling, you have to have had a large network from the past whether through high school or college. Almost like a big group of people that know you as well as somewhat know each other (1st, 2nd, 3rd degree connections).

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s get to my story.

For starters, I had this success for a couple of years but kind of fell off as soon as I gained weight and moved to a new city. Working on getting back to the old fit me!

Back when I was in high school, I was a relatively chubby kid and in college, I was slowly working on getting in shape. As the gains started to come in, I got somewhat more confident although I was far from a fitness model or looking great without a shirt on. I would go out during my upperclassman years and ended up getting the Instagram (IG) handles of women I would meet. 

As college ended, I slowly went on a spree of adding girls as friends on Facebook, given that we had so many mutual friends in common. I would say majority of my friend requests were accepted and then I linked my Facebook to my Instagram account I had started after my Euro trip as my college years came to an end. 

The progression, improvement, and content.

Now I looked at some quality Instagram accounts, like those of travel couples, and I have to say I was impressed. Even if it might be fake, the pictures themselves were a work of art, some great photography work done. I find that despite how you feel about the person, you can always appreciate that work of art that is done there, taking your own personal biases out. 

I decided that mirror selfies with low quality phone pics were not going to be my go to and instead had quality photos done when I did things worth taking quality photos of.

Travel to Europe? Quality pics.

Travel to NYC? Worth a good pic.

Interesting hobby? Quality pic.

Looking better with a new style and haircut? Quality pic. 

Lost some weight and had a good journey to it? Quality pic.

As I said, this was going to be a very long-term thing for guys who are driven to improve their lifestyle and their looks. Do not expect results to come in for even a year, you are actually filling a pipeline here that might not close for quite some time. 

Meanwhile, I would constantly add people to my Instagram and Facebook that I met when out at bars, in person at events, or through other means. I kept on adding these people over the years, often going the social media route instead of phone numbers. As my matches piled up on dating apps, I continued to add them to my Instagram and raise my follower count. 

A good bit of my social media following came from old classmates and their connections, I’d say 40% or so, which was bigger due to me going to a large school. I got the rest of my following through various ways, mainly going out and adding cool people I met at bars and nightclubs to my IG (maybe half stuck), hobbies/activities (sports related), networking events, and people I happened to make friends with by chance. If I had a great time chatting with girls I met at a bar or nightclub but was not willing to close the deal, I added them on Instagram.

Over a period of about two years, I was able to add over 300 or so people that I genuinely knew and had met in person, most of them women (like 80% since I was mostly going for them) and some cool guys. Most of the women were either college aged or in their twenties, I added them through a mixture of Facebook and Instagram. If they followed me back on Instagram, I kept contact with them. 

So over a while, I kept in touch with the women I knew and gaged their interest based on pics of mines they liked, even if they were from another country and just visiting. I kept in touch and kept on uploading quality content, usually nicer level photos. 

A look into the other weirdly connected world and what is “cool”.

If you look at the life of a typical guy out of touch who probably doesn’t score much, you’ll notice he lacks a social media presence or usually has somewhat of an empty account. Now this is not as black and white as you may think, exceptions exist on both ends, I found that a handful of guys I thought who were social media popular and good with girls came out as gay after college. Somehow though, when it came to most people who were in the “in crowd” or in the know-how about things, I found that on average they were more involved with social media. Sorority girls, rich kids, party animals, guys who were popular with women growing up, and especially the people who knew the hottest spots in their city.

Popular travel destinations, the go to bars in a given city, and where the prime spots were that you would find the hottest girls or the typical attractive crowd in a city partying. In some ways, once you were connected enough with a lot of the younger and more socially involved (usually attractive) crowds, you kind of knew what they were doing after college. The neighborhoods they tended to live in and the bars they frequented, that way you knew where to actually spend your time. 

By frequenting these places myself and going to these events as well, I ended up running into the same people over and over again, even becoming friends with them due to the frequent run-ins. Through them, I ended up at the same parties and events that some of the better looking girls in a given city went to. In other words, being connected helped me become more connected

Now the success rolls in.

Remember when I said that this will be a long-term plan instead of a short-term one? Well, over the years, I became more attractive. I ended up looking better and really taking quality photos while making more friends and doing fun things. I never did get to 1k+ Instagram followers but my photos had high engagement rates (sometimes close to 50%). 

In other words, people saw the improvements overtime and I ended up noticing certain things. Certain women I knew from the past liked more of my pics and commented on them more. In the age of social media, especially for popular and hot girls, this is not something they do for most men. Most men will be lucky to even get a hot girl to follow them back. I continued to let it happen and then I posted Instagram stories and snaps, some girls would comment on the story itself.

Just in case you don’t miss it, the key here is that I am living a life WORTH posting about.

Cute puppy happens to like me? I put it on my Instagram story. 

Summer spent drinking at a fun rooftop? Instagram story.

Travel to a nice beach and sexy location? Story.

Funny shit going down? Story.

What does this portray? Now for a pessimist, they’ll say women are gold diggers and think I do it because I have some money but the truth is, an attractive woman can get a rich guy anyday, even when they are in their thirties and looking to settle down. What this portrays is that I live an interesting life that does not revolve around sitting on my ass, watching Netflix, and playing video games. It shows that I am experience.

Stories resulted in DMs and DMs resulted in a connection. Slowly, a warm rapport turned to having fun with women who knew me in the past.

If they lived in the same city? Easy time meeting up.

If they were visiting? Great excuse to meet up too. 

As for moving things forward? That became more of a lay up, almost as easy as getting laid when a girl on a dating app really wants to fuck. In most cases, she will do the work for you. In all, I ended up sleeping with twelve different women from social media but here is why, I was very picky about the women I would sleep with. I would say that my quality from this way was by far the highest and two of those were long-term relationships. If I was less picky, I would have doubled that and still been with women who were solidly above average.

Most of all, success welcomes success, girls talk and women love men they know other women love.

Friend of a girl I fucked? She wanted to meet me and fuck. I was having friends of girls I knew and even girls who knew cool guys I was friends with that wanted to know me better. Yes, as the saying goes, women talk. After having slept with women I considered the best looking women I had been with in my life, I noticed that almost all of them spent a lot of time vetting men on social media. I’d say the vast majority of these women were vetting men either from dating apps or social media because it was convenient and these were the guys they often had their eyes on.

In other words, this was social circle game for people who do not want to deal with the bullshi and drama of social circle game. Social media is convenient, fast, and easy for a girl even when compared to going out to drink and have fun.

The psychology behind it.

My take is that most good looking women are simply bored and a guy with a social media signals an experience to them. A lot of these women want to pet a cute puppy with a cool guy, go on a nice beach trip with him, and spend a nice Saturday night drinking and having fun at a nice nightclub. To women, a guy with a social media account that is well developed shows he is in the know how, “gets it”, and is not some weird dude who they would be embarrassed to bring along to their friends. In other words, he is someone who they can relate to and has in some ways verified himself. The logic goes if he has a lot of friends and lives a cool lifestyle, why the fear going home with him compared to some loner who probably stays in watching porn on Saturdays?

Most of all, my journey showed me how the guys who “get it” and attractive women live differently.


2 thoughts on “How I used social media to have dating success.

  1. Thanks for the article again man. This is actually the plan I have for myself, which is continue working out and posting memorable moments.

    One thing I’d like to ask is what if you have a very low follower count? I find myself not asking girls for their IG handle or messaging girls because my account is pretty empty and feel like I’m going to be judged negatively for that.

    Basically my question is should I just focus on building up my life and validate that through my account for a year before adding girls that I want to get to know or just freakin add them with the trash account I currently have haha?

    Thanks again.

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