Race and Ethnicity: Is it preference or is it prejudice? (Part 1)

So today, we kickstart our multiple-part series on the topic of race and dating which tends to be a topic that always comes up and will always come up. In some ways, I felt a bit hesitant to start this topic given that we are in a heated racial climate in the United States but I feel like this is a topic I have shied away from for far too long. At some point, I thought that I might get to a point where we would not even need to talk about race because it would be an afterthought but boy was I naive.

Now a lot of “online dating studies” out there have found that when it comes to dating and picking guys they want to be with, women have a “preference”. You can look some of them up yourself but I will save you the hours of reading and just tell you the point they are trying to summarize, white men rock and men of minority groups are fucked. You can read through the minor numbers and “statistics” if you want but really, that is the point all of these “studies” (I’ll touch on my tone towards them in later posts) are trying to get at.

While I will not talk about the validity of the studies themselves, I want to touch on something else. Is it preference or prejudice when women exclude men based on their race and ethnicity?

Now as you find on this study done right here on sexual economics, women compete by enhancing physical appearance while men compete by enhancing resources. Yet another study found that women just seem to care less about looks than men do (keyword here is less, looks still matter). Now the infamous OkCupid study which was done decades ago claims that white women tend to be the most against dating interracial, keep an eye on that one as we will revisit in future posts. 

So the study begs the question, is it prejudice or preference if a woman has a preference?

Obviously, anyone can say they have a “preference” but given that men are almost exclusively attracted to women based on their looks and women care less about looks, it makes me take a somewhat controversial stance. I believe a man can justify his “preference” as being purely physical, plenty of guys are “not into blondes” or “aren’t into Asian girls” but it can be more easily justified based on physical appearance.

Women have been shown to evaluate men differently and quite frankly, are more susceptible into buying into racial stereotypes than men are. Compared to men, women stand more to lose if they date someone from an ethnic background that might not be viewed as favorably in a given area. Things such as “status” and your perception as a man are likely to matter more to a woman as opposed to a guy who just wants to sleep with whatever fine thing he can get his hands on.

A part of that does include taking racial and cultural stereotypes into account.

“Is guy from country X safe to date?”

“What will my friends think if I dated a race stereotyped as X?”

“Don’t men from culture X view women in a bad light?”

“Aren’t men from country X stereotyped as being undersized?”

“Oh yeah, my brothers and friends told me how everyone from country X sucks?”

Now these questions will not be going through a guy’s head as much, guys only care if a girl is hot. If a woman looked like Megan Good, even the most racist guys (as much as they deny it), will sleep with her solely based on her looks alone. Now for men, this is something that goes back hundreds and hundreds of years for all of you fans of world history. Unfortunately, women were not really allowed such privileges, sleeping with a man of a rival tribe could mean death.

So the answer to the question is, there is prejudice behind the preference when women pick men.

You see, women are not evaluating based on physical appearance alone, they have to be more intuitive and kind of form a complete picture of you, your lifestyle, your swagger, your personality, charisma, and everything based on your appearance. Men on the other hand, we focus more on the body parts and symmetry than women would, once again that is not to say that they don’t because they are about that as well.

So when women pick a guy of a certain background, it is often backed up by stereotypes of the culture that come out based on looking at that. A woman might pick a guy of a given background because his background symbolizes things that matter to her like climbing a social ladder, “making it”, “rebelling”, and being seen as popular by her friends which really matters to her. Part of it could be having a Hollywood fantasy come to life and we all know which race Hollywood prefers (hint: look at the hashtag #Oscarssowhite). For girls chasing popularity and status, this is even all the more true.

When a woman has a “preference”, especially if it is towards a group seen as socially dominant, it is backed up by prejudice. In certain cultures as well, things like whiteness are highly prized so women are prone to preferring white guys based on that cultural bias. For some women, Latino men might be seen as preferable because they play up the “exotic” card well. I’ve known women who preferred Asian, Jewish  and Indian men because men from these cultures were seen as more stable and in their areas, wealthy. I’ve also seen a lot of hot girls prefer black guys because black men are seen as more alpha male.

Point being, the “preference” is not based off of darker skin, paler skin, blue eyes, dark eyes, or any of that; the preference is based off of what those very things represent when it comes to stereotypes, cultural value, and social impact. While a guy is likely to go for a hot girl with blue eyes because she is hot and the blue eyes look good on her, a woman will go for a man with blue eyes because they signify things like moving up socially. In some cultures, whiteness represents a significant amount of social mobility that even we here in America cannot fathom, despite how bad things have been recently.

So yes, in other words, women do care about race outside of the physical features themselves. You’ll even be surprised at the kinds of women who tend to have the strongest prejudice (hint: they’re often the most morally self-righteous ones showing off on social media about how caring they are).

And there isn’t shit you can do about it so stop trying to rely on society’s morals here.

Cry, complain, whine, and do whatever you want but beautiful women will always get away with it. You see, the social game is a game of self-interest, in order for your concerns to matter the other players have to have something to lose.

  • Guys of other races don’t care because it’s not like she is being racist towards them
  • Women in general do not care because it doesn’t mean shit to them
  • Guys who she is partial towards might actually come to her defense regardless of how horrible she acts
  • Women of your own race, if you are attractive enough, will wonder why you are not putting the focus on them

So if you think a woman subtly talking about men of your race not being attractive to her is going to get hers, don’t hold your breath. Now if she is openly brash about it, maybe she gets caught and it gets viral but very few women are that dumb. Prejudice in a social sense is a lot more nuanced than you may initially think, women are not going to outright say racist shit. 

Just like in our modern environment, if the given person is not held accountable, then why should they bother to change their behavior? If no one is going to call a young beautiful woman out on her prejudice, then she has no reason to change her behavior. Believe me, there isn’t really much on the table for people to lose in order for a woman to change that kind of behavior.

After you realize what women are put through, you’ll probably be less angry.

Call it sympathy or call it empathy, look up the difference between those words and you’ll get flip-flopped answers. The truth is, if a woman has that kind of a prejudice in her, it probably didn’t appear out of thin air. In fact, you should use that knowledge of her prejudice to get an idea of how people around her might be. 

Chances are, the guys around her are so hateful that if she openly dated a guy of a race they hate, there would be a lot more troubles than she herself could handle. Perhaps the same girl becomes more open-minded and down to experiment once she is away from her crowd. 

Maybe her friends and family are so judgmental about certain races that she risks losing social ground or social status if she was to date said race, you can why she might need to be careful. Afterall, she does have a reputation to protect and unfortunately in some areas, dating certain races destroys the reputation a beautiful woman has.

Perhaps she comes from a culture where certain features like darker skin are unfortunately seen as low value, obviously the same woman would be judged harshly by her race for dating a guy with that feature. 

I am not trying to explain away a prejudice here, it’s wrong, but it comes from somewhere. When you understand what someone has been through and what goes on their world to make them act the way they do, you start to lose some of the bitterness you have. Now that same prejudice plays out in the form of a “preference” which is in her head whenever she is deciding to swipe either right or left. My purpose of this series is to ensure that you best your chances of ending up on the right side of the swipe.

 

2 Thoughts

  1. This was a really deep and thoughtful post. I do feel that race is really important to women especially when they are judging men from a dating app or just on looks alone.

    For dating apps, since my last name is hispanic I have noticed that I don’t ever match up with white girls. I’m half filipino and work in tech so I almost always match up with Asian girls (which is actually my preference haha) and they are the ones that respond to me really quickly. I figure it may be because of my career as working in tech is looked upon favorably in their family.

    One thing I have noticed as well is that women of almost any race seem to respond differently in person once they see your personality. There have been times when I was just truly myself and joking with friends and around really beautiful black girls or blonde girls and they started liking me even though those women usually never like me on dating apps.

    Anyway, I really feel that once I get more muscular and take better pictures, I’ll probably get more matches and dates from a broader range of women.

    I have noticed as well that usually people are attracted to the races most similar to themselves. Like I am half Mexican and Asian and the women I most like are also half Mexican and Asian. Idk, kind of interesting haha.

    1. Eh TBH, you kind of need to be more on the muscular end for hot white girls to like you and as for its importance, even on dating apps, it can be debated. Which is something I will be talking about in upcoming posts 🙂

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