Race and Ethnicity: “I can’t meet women because of my race” (part 2)

“Dear Millennial Bachelor,

I want to meet beautiful women but it seems like all the women in my area want guys who are tall, wealthy, good looking, have a lot of friends, a cool lifestyle, and are White. Help me, what do I do? Race matters so much man, it’s EVERYTHING!”.

A lot of you probably had the chance to read part 1 where I mentioned if it is preference or prejudice. In that, I talked about what goes into a woman’s preference and how that prejudice is formed. Now in this part of the series, I want to talk about the truth if you are struggling with dating and meeting women as a man of an “unsexy” minority group (notice how I put that in quotes).

We can call this post “the truth about the guys who are struggling and claim it’s because of race”.

As you can see, this is a kind of character that pops up everywhere and on almost every dating community out there. Now while it is commonly an Asian or Indian guy doing this, I have actually noticed men of all minority groups claim their race is stopping them from meeting women. A lot of guys will say that race alone is stopping them from meeting the kinds of women that they want to meet and that it is responsible for their misery. If only they were white, their dating life would be so much easier is the rhetoric you hear over and over again.

I actually knew a guy like this in real life.

Early in my career, I met a guy named Edward (he went by Ed) and he was a decent person. Ed was from California and raised in a very strict Chinese household from what he told me. Being at work was actually the first time that Ed had drunk alcohol, his parents even checked in on him at college. Now Ed was around 5’7, somewhat skinny without much muscle tone, stuttered a lot, wore large glasses, dressed in oversized clothes, and got scared easily. 

While he did occasionally say some funny things and was a decent person, there was a lot of work to be done. One day, me and Ed had some drinks and he told me something that made me realize that race whining was not just some internet thing. 

“Man, dating is pointless unless you are a tall handsome white guy these days, white guys have it made with dating,” he said.

I didn’t comment much because I like to keep my thoughts to myself in public, especially around race. Now as much as I love Ed as the decent human being he is, quite frankly, if you were being honest you know race was far from being his only setback. At that moment, what came to my mind is, how many Eds are out there right now sitting in front of their computer screen claiming it is impossible to meet good looking women because you’re Asian? 

Then, I met a wingman like this from an online community I used to be a part of.

When I used to post on forums, there was a poster I met from Toronto who was of Indian background. Now this guy had moved to NYC just like me and we decided to meet up for a quick night of gaming women. The guy went by “Rav” and I decided to hit up some bars with him, the ratios were decent. As soon as I met up with him, I noticed a very powerful smell of spices in the air but didn’t comment. After the smell, I noticed somewhat of a bowl-cut, glasses, and an oversized button-up. Now me and Rav went out, it was comedic to see him approach girls saying “yo yo yo”, a couple blondes even laughed loudly because of it.

As the night ended and we had some drinks in us, Rav swore to me that him being Indian makes it impossible for him to meet women. Rav said that women hate Indians, told me to read on the internet about it. To make matters worse that night, Rav approached the girls every guy wanted; a hot blonde. One hot blonde from Russia even gave him attention and showed some interest despite his appearance, Rav stuttered and failed hard. Afterwards, he showed me his Tinder profile saying he has no matches, it was all selfies and professional LinkedIn photos. Now just like Ed, Rav had a lot of work to do.

A few weeks later, Rav would go on to post about how women hate Indians. The same guy would also talk about how you have to be a tall handsome rich white guy to meet women, white being more important than all of this.

So am I claiming race doesn’t matter?

Race absolutely matters and has an impact on whether or not some women find you attractive but on its own, it is not everything. In fact, the guys I have known who claimed it was stopping them from meeting women are lacking in so many departments that all it takes is being around them long enough to know they are not desirable guys. In fact, being white might increase their value slightly but there is a reason why we have a lot of white guys out there who are struggling with dating, let’s just say they have a lot in common with minorities who are having issues as well. 

Now let’s dissect the argument in the OP that I quoted.

A guy is claiming that women pick the guy who is tall, handsome (let’s say in good shape for those who will throw beauty standards white bias at me), and white over them yet claim that is everything to do with being white. What about the other two things? Why are we comparing a short ugly guy who isn’t white to someone who is? So you cannot change your height even, why not just try being in great shape instead? I mean do something man.

If we dig deeper, we find that the same white guys they claim are having success are probably more charismatic, outgoing, likable, comfortable in their own skin, and have a more interesting life outside of work. Most of them probably have some status or a reliable circle of friends they can hang out with as well compared to the guy saying race is everything and probably crying about it on an internet forum. 

That’s the problem with blaming race, you cannot fix anything else about yourself.

Why lose the extra pounds (or gain some muscle), be more fashionable, work on your social skills, learn “game”, and have a more interesting lifestyle when you can just blame it all on not being white? Once again, maybe you have less success than a white guy doing all of that but you will have success nonetheless. I won’t even argue who will have more success because I know these guys will cling to saying “oh but he will have a 90% response rate to my 89.5% rate bro!” (okay I’ll even say 60% to make you happy reader) but if you actually got off your ass and did something, it would get you a hot girl.

Yet, when you blame race all the time and claim it is the only thing that matters, you cannot make a change. More of all, you cannot make a change in your mindset to be that of a winner and yes, people are attracted to winners. No one, men or women, wants to be around the guy always whining and trying to be “realistic”, sticking his head in the numbers.

The truth is, these guys aren’t really cut out for dating in the first place.

No matter your race, the game is hard and it is unforgiving for a guy. Even tall handsome white guys have struggles, I’ve seen them get rejected. The guys who are always whining, down on themselves, and claiming to the world that race makes it impossible for them to meet women? They are not cut out for the tough nature of the game and its unforgiving ways. You will be tested emotionally and mentally to the point where your feelings and pride will be hurt. Most of these guys really just want a shoulder to cry on.

If you are living in a society where you can cry about how tough it is to meet women because of your race, believe me, you have it pretty good. Quite frankly, you’re probably so soft and weak on the inside that you would be dominated in social situations by the confident white guy. Blame racism, blame society, blame media, or blame whoever you want; in the end, you are going to lose against that guy. 

Women? They are not going to be so “understanding” of your sob story.

See, it’s natural selection and evolution, women have a choice. Women can either pick a guy who:

1. Is in good shape physically, can probably hold his own in a fight, doesn’t cower easily, has friends because people want to be around him, has charisma and swagger that draw said people in, walks like his dick is 12 inches, can hold his own in any situation, is tall, and has a lot of interesting cool stuff going on in his life…


2. Is insecure, gets discouraged easily, plays victim all the time, needs a shoulder to cry on, has a toxic pessimistic personality that drives people away, probably doesn’t work on his looks, could not hold his own socially in most situations, and sees himself as inferior even if he claims not to.

Back during the stone age or whatever, going for guy number 2 was dangerous for women. Going for guy number 2 meant they would likely have to protect the family because guy number 2 would easily get dominated and wrecked by guy number 1. Think about it, back in those days when we didn’t have the same racial stereotypes we do right now? Guy number 2 would have still lost out to guy number 1. When women make decisions on what men to pick, this is how they are thinking. 

So when you cry all the time on internet forums and claim your race makes it impossible to meet women because of some online “dating study”, you are being guy number 2. We may have evolved past clubbing each other but natural selection is still in full gear, no decent women worth a shit is going to be comfortable around a guy who is not even comfortable in his own skin. 

Even now, it is a tough world out there.

Every time a woman goes out to a bar with her friends, a nightclub, a social event, and in public, she has to be on the lookout especially if she is beautiful. Men are constantly trying to get at her, trying to win her over, and some are pushier than others. If society ever has a melt down or loses its structures that keep civility in place, some of those men might be a lot less willing to ask when making a move on her. In those situations, she needs to know that the man she picks will be the guy who can protect her and save her life.

Some guys might have vast social networks so if a woman was to ever come in danger, you can bet that the offender would have almost an army after him even if her boyfriend is not physically intimidating. Some guys are physically intimidating and women know can put any aggressor or out of hand guy in his place. Some guys are well-trained to know how to fight and put anyone that threatens their loved on in their place. Other men are confident and so socially dominant with their words and persona that others might think twice before going after them.

Are you honestly that guy?


2 thoughts on “Race and Ethnicity: “I can’t meet women because of my race” (part 2)

  1. Thanks for the post man. Truth be told, I’m not that guy yet but currently in progress. Lifting weights, eating better, and training in Jiu Jitsu. I notice that when I’m taking care of myself and progressing everyday then I just feel better in my own skill and become “naturally” more attractive and magnetic to people. (women as well as popular/cool guys).

    I’ve got a lot of work to do, and the only thing in my way is myself. Thankfully I still have 6 months left this year to focus on becoming that high quality person.

    Take care man.

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