“The truth shall set you free” – John 8:32.
Remember that quote for later on in this post!
In part 1 of our series, we covered how preference is actually fueled by prejudice and in part 2, we covered guys saying women do not want them for their race. So far, I have acknowledged the prejudice out there instead of denying it, we can admit it exists. In part 3, I am going to tell you the harsh truth about dating you do not want to hear. Now I have had the privilege of hanging out with men of various backgrounds and cultures in my lifetime so I had the chance to see the differences, even if said men from certain backgrounds were “westernized”.
I know you really want me to start talking shit about Hollywood, media, and prejudice on this post but……
The truth is, men from certain backgrounds do better than those from others because they are objectively better.
I know we live in a very snowflake type of culture where you cannot just say anything you want and you have to care for people’s feelings. At some point, we ended up convincing a chubby 5’6 Indian kid that he is somehow less attractive than a Chris Hemsworth lookalike solely based on his race. Now I also know after reading race discussion after race discussion on dating, it is all too convenient to blame racism, media, Hollywood, and “the system” for your setbacks. The problem is, this is deflecting blame and not taking any accountability at all. Believe me, men of the very cultures that struggle with dating could do with some accountability on their behalf, a lot is needed.
Women want tall, fit (once again I use this instead of handsome since you fucking whiners will cry Hollywood brainwashing women crap all the time), and socially charismatic men, it just so happens, some backgrounds just produce a lot more men who tick those boxes while others hardly produce any. Media and Hollywood can only have so much say, after a while evolution kicks in and women tend to want confident, dominant, and charismatic who are physically in great shape. In other words, the sole reason for your struggles isn’t because Hollywood declared war on your ethnicity, it’s because you just fucking SUCK.
Now all this being said, men from cultures that tend to struggle with dating a lot here in America? As you found in part 2, they are not really doing themselves any favors for the most part. What it boils down to is that women ideally want tall, in great physical shape (good looking), charismatic, and socially dominant men due to the harsh world we live in. Being socially well-connected, respected by other men, and having status also play into all of this along with an amazing fun lifestyle. Well, when you think about it, the cultures and backgrounds that do well with women tend to have significantly more men that tick those boxes.
We got the whole argument wrong about race this whole time when it comes to dating.
We were treating it as if women are programmed to not have attraction to men of certain backgrounds solely based on their background and how it is portrayed. The truth is, the cultures that struggle with dating and attracting beautiful women (especially on an interracial level) just produce a lot less attractive men.
If we were to take do a percentage of men who are in great physical shape (built like an MMA fighter, athlete, or male model), have fun trendy lifestyles, show dominant personalities, and are socially successful with people in general; the groups women are attracted will have a higher percentage of their men who tick those boxes. The argument was that being of that background automatically makes you less attractive when in reality, it is just that the given background objectively produces less attractive men.
My problem with that whole argument is that it does not give credit to guys who are killing it for the work they put in. The same white guy you envy so much probably put in years of work or just happened to be born into a lot of lucky social circumstances (with wealthy lenient parents, even then he had to try to look physically attractive), it wasn’t even given to him. Look at all the white guys out there who are struggling due to not being attractive, even if they are decent looking men.
No, most women are not into certain men because of their background alone, they are into them because men of those backgrounds happen to have a lot of attractive traits. You are into Scandinavian women just because they are blonde, you are into Scandinavian women because they are largely fit, have pretty faces, and are in better shape than most other women physically while also being blonde on top of that.
Now I often hear Asian, Indian, and Arab men complain about how women do not like them or find them attractive. I’ve been around a significant amount of men of these backgrounds (and am a minority myself) throughout my life as well as the fratty white guys, Latino guys and cool black guys that these men complain about losing to. I can confidently say after years of being around men of the three mentioned backgrounds that racial stereotypes are far from their only setbacks as you saw in part 2.
Watch sports, which are king for judging masculinity in our society, and you will notice most of the muscular alpha males are all either black, white, or Latino (more significant if we talk soccer, MMA, and boxing). In American society at least, we value sports a great deal (especially in high school). The thing is, high school never really ends and women will still go for the alpha and masculine guys who happen to be physically attractive (in good shape, since I know the whiners will once again blame Hollywood and beauty standards instead of taking responsibility). Even if you get that cushy engineering job, women aren’t entertained by your coding skills, they still want a sexy guy who can pick them up and fuck em good. If you had an Indian or Asian guy built like an MMA fighter, believe me, that guy would not be whining on Internet forums all day.
I noticed certain things.
When I was around a lot of Asian, Indian, and Arab guys (many tend to work in white collar professions and have rich academic backgrounds), I noticed certain traits they were lacking compared to their black, white, and Latin counterparts. Men of these backgrounds, even if westernized, were very self-loathing and hated themselves which made it tough for even me to be near them (imagine how a hot girl with tons of options feels).
A lot of them were submissive, meek, and often let others step over them and eat from their plate. Many were prone to overthinking, largely analytical about things, and showed some neurotic behavior. In many ways, they were the typical nice guys and it showed in the way they acted around women and in social settings.
Even on their online dating profiles, these guys had very plain vanilla pictures that made them boring nice guys by just a quick glance. Now what do you think they blamed once they received zero matches? Hint: They blamed the one thing they could change…….
Wanna take a guess?
Their fucking race!
I know where it comes from and I primarily blame the parenting, as someone who suffered from Helicopter Parenting himself.
Compared to lenient white parents who let their boys flourish early in life, a lot of the guys I am talking about endured helicopter parenting. I often noticed that the Indian and Asian guys who were total studs had white parents that adopted them and let them flourish earlier in life, they were a far cry from the stereotypical guys who cry about race all the time. Helicopter parenting can do some real long-term damage if it is not accounted for; most of all, it leads to a lot of missed years and late social development. I think all of these men, especially Indian men, could have benefitted from telling their parents to eat dirt after their early-twenties.
The learned helplessness, constant fear, overthinking, not taking any accountability, always being down on yourself, negativity, cynicism, and all of the toxic behaviors resulted from parenting which itself was toxic. Confidence was late to develop and it seriously repressed the kind of attitude needed to have a realistic chance of thriving in the dating game. Any possibilities or positive news were met with statistics and “realistic” responses, you could not help these guys if you tried and it was a negative feedback loop that created a toxic person who would continue to fail and miss out.
To make matters worse, the few men who showed promise of making it were often held down by their social clique of guys of the same race. The saying that is more appropriate is crabs in a bucket, you were fed so much negative self-talk that even if you “manned up” or believed in yourself, at your core you were still an insecure and weak man who knew he was inferior. One of the only ways for these men to make it was to cut all ties with their toxic social circles and ideally find friends of other races.
Any attempt to get these men to improve themselves or put even a bit of positivity in their lives will be meant with a “debate” backed by “studies”. All of this is the learned helplessness, victim mentality, inferiority complex, and overall a weak emotional and social frame being activated in real time. Most of these guys do not want to improve, they just need a fucking shoulder to cry on. For most of them, validation of their inferiority complex is like giving crack to an addict.
“No no no but Millennial Bachelor man! If I did a “study” with a hot white and a hot Asian guy, the hot white guy will get approximately 9.1% more matches, maybe even 3 times as many man!”
–sigh– (I even considered putting a giphy here of a sigh but don’t wanna get into trouble with copyright complications)
Tough love and too much harsh reality right?
Yeah, it isn’t even half as tough as how hard life will hit you if you continue to go down the path you are on. I’ll throw another quote at you:
“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”
It is debated who actually said that throughout the web but credit to whoever said that powerful quote. Time is passing, you can continue to be helpless, it won’t wait for you. Pretty soon, you’ll probably be over the age of 35 or 40 or whatever and life would have passed you by. All those years you spent pointing the finger outwards when really, it should have been pointed at yourself. Wasting hours feeling like shit because of “online dating studies” and caught up in the minor details without seeing the big picture. Argue with me all you want, it’s your life wasting away. Cry on more forums and places, you’re only wasting your life and making men of your culture look bad.
Meanwhile, forget those hot blondes you want, women of your own background will be fucking those very men you envy on a Saturday night because you weren’t available. Now she was left saying “harder Thad” because you said “hold on my potential love, I have to submit this post on reddit on why we have it exactly 9.9% tougher than white guys in dating okay?”. Yet, everyone knows the truth, she picked him over you because quite frankly, he is better than you.
“But Millennial Bachelor! You have to hear me out man, it says here that I am statistically 6.9% less likely to have a match on a dating app due to my race.”
Man, ruin 69 by putting a period in it…..
Oh and I know, you’ll debate me to death on this because you are stubborn about the wrong fucking things in life, hence your struggles.
Alright, I’ll hear you out and say you are completely just in whining about your race holding you back if you:
- Are physically in great shape
- Can spoke coherently without stuttering and talking real fast (or just talking a lot!)
- Show that you have enough social skills to make somewhat decent friends that aren’t all computer/videogame nerds
- Show me that you can dress like someone who is not a slob
- Have at least put in the effort in some avenue of game correctly (going out at nights and attempting to act like a normal person, having quality online dating pics, and/or can confidently approach with daygame)
If you do all that and are not seeing results, I will have some sympathy. Even then, you should at least be able to get hot girls of your own background. If you don’t want that, well too bad, beggars can’t be choosers.
But remember when I said the truth shall set you free?
The quote from early in the thread? Well, the beauty is, you are in full control of your own destiny. Yeah see, the typical whiny attitude would have you throw in the towel because of your race alone or even have you think yourself as inferior for a long time.
Just because you play in a shitty conference doesn’t mean you have to be a shitty team.
Or for more individual sports, just because you are in a shitty weight division doesn’t mean you have to be a shitty fighter.
Yeah, your culture might produce a lot of ugly hideous guys who to some degree might even ruin it for you, it doesn’t mean you have to go down that path. Once again, this whole phenomenon of certain races and cultures not seeing as much dating success is because those cultures just produces men who are objectively less attractive on so many counts, not because of stereotypes alone (they came from somewhere!).
What this means is that you can actually take destiny into your own hands and climb to the top of the fucking mountain no matter your fucking race. You are not doomed to have a crap dating life just because you were born into a certain background, that is what the misconception would have you believe but it is not true. Just because 99 other guys of your background decided to not lookout for their physical well-being, failed to develop social skills, and act weird around women does not mean you have to as well. By doing the right things, you can make yourself an attractive desirable guy who can do just as well as (yeah just as well) as an attractive guy of any race out there.
The countless other men of your background being unattractive, while it might create an image problem, eventually means little in the big picture of it all. If you put in the work to make yourself attractive (both inside and out), the results will come.
In the next part, we will talk about a healthier way to think about race.