So we are going to be capping off our series on Race and Ethnicity, after this we might just pause talks on it for the time being although it will remain a recurring theme on this blog. On the final post about race, I am going to be giving you actionable advice you can take if you feel like your race/ethnicity is holding you back from meeting attractive women or if you feel like you are a member of a more “unsexy” ethnic group of men. I don’t want to waste time with any prelude so let us get right to it.
Start cutting people out of your life or any content that fuels your negative mindset. Stop living in the “statistics”.
If you have friends that constantly whine about being whatever race they are and feel that their negativity is rubbing off on you, cut them out. You are going to outgrow a lot of friends in your road to self-improvement anyways. No excuses here, you stop seeing them and hanging out, find better friends. In terms of “studies”, look, I kind of get it. Some cultures are more STEM-like but the truth is, the game is pretty irrational. People buy and make decisions on emotion, not “logic”, it is about the emotions you incite in your pics on a dating app or your approach at a bar. When you develop enough to realize this, you will see that the gap between a 25% and 30% reply rate is not that big.
It may seem like I am saying cut out all content that fails to adhere to your worldview, I am. If it does not benefit you or your growth, ignore it. If you truly feel like your confidence is low, reading yet another story from “researchers” in an Ivy League who look like the cast of Big Bang Theory is not going to help your case.
Now this even applies to your family, if they are dragging you down, try to limit contact. Parents of some races will hold you back from success, that’s just fact.
If certain stereotypes mess you up or are applicable, maybe think about opposing them.
If you are a white guy, as my friend says, be less “boring”. See, even the most “privileged” groups have stereotypes they need to work on. Similarly, see what stereotypes tend to pop up a lot for your background and try to contrast with them a bit. Indian or Asian guy? Maybe sound less smart and try to dumb it down. The reason I see this as optional is that if you are a scholarly guy who cannot dumb it down, maybe just stick to it and go for scholarly girl but realize that party girls might not like you because you remind them of the library. Once again, everyone (and I mean everyone) deals with a stereotype, even white people.
Dumb it down.
You are not trying to please your overbearing parents or an Ivy League professor, you are trying to get with hot girls. Hot girls love fun, they are even silly, and they are even laid back in some cases. Don’t try to sound like an Ivy League scholar trying to get his PhD, sound like a person. Try to sound more like the kinds of crowds hot girls are likely to get on with. Ever wonder why club promoters for example do so well with beautiful women compared to an academic? Well, there is a reason for that. Dumb it down, be relatable, and sound normal!
Get REAL with yourself, is it REALLY just your race?
Can you lift up your shirt right now and feel like a God?
Do you have money coming in and live independently?
Could you hold a conversation with a normal person without getting nervous and awkward?
Do you let criticism about you or a “dating study” that is unflattering (telling you men of your race are fucked) ruin your day?
Do you have a steady circle of male friends that you could proudly introduce to attractive women and know they will be happy about it?
Do you have a life outside of work you could brag about?
Are you short as well? (sorry but height does matter)
Can you at least match with and get attention from women of your own race?
If you cannot confidently answer those questions, your problem is not race, there is work to be done in general. Instead of pointing the finger, improve those things first and I am sure I missed some.
Find your market ASAP.
Whether it is hot blonde girls, dorky brunettes, or confident Latinas; maybe even more specific or broad than that, find your market. Look at what kinds of girls you match with a lot on dating apps, see what kinds of women open up a lot to you at bars, and start to capitalize on your market. I might even do a post on this in the future but most socially aware men who have interacted with a lot of women will know what kinds of girls seem to open up a lot to them. Even let girls of your market be your social proof as you go out with them.
Don’t like your market? See what the guys the girls you want have as traits outside of just their race.
Want hot blondes? See what the guys they go for have. Big muscles, tall (count your blessings if you are over 5’10), extroverted, party animals, and you name it. Find what traits those guys have that you can acquire and acquire those very traits. I know this is common sense for normal people but men with a massive inferiority complex are not really normal people.
Start making friends of various races and go out to game with them, you will discover a shocking truth.
That tall jacked black guy you envy so much? He gets rejected too.
That tall white guy who looks like a trust fund baby you felt inferior to? He has his problems with women too.
That Cristiano Ronaldo lookalike Latino guy? You won’t believe it, women reject him too.
Yeah, that is why you need friends of different races, not to please anyone pushing for any diversity but for your own sanity. Diversity for sanity, that make just make for a hell of a hashtag. Once you start making friends of different races and go out to game with them? You realize that whatever misconceptions you and your hivemind of friends had about race was just whining fueled by losers.
The benefit of having decent and cool friends? You’ll grow through osmosis. The Thad Castle type of friends will do you more justice than the Ken Jeong types who make the world laugh at you.
Better yet? Make friends with hot girls of other races, just friends for now, they have their struggles too.
Huge bonus? Find a guy of your race or who is like you doing well out there. Now for some cultures, this is going to be tough since they barely produce as many men who value being attractive and chasing women.
Take up hobbies that test your fears, I recommend MMA.
Learn to take a punch or get taken down, you will fear rejections by hot girls less. If you learn to take up adrenaline rush hobbies, maybe you’ll stop being such a pussy after all. Better yet, if men from your background are stereotyped as wimpy? The polarization from the stereotype will get even more women interested in you. Can you imagine how much damage a handsome Indian guy that succeeds at MMA would do with hot girls?
I am not saying to do this because men from your race are stereotyped a different way, I am saying to do this because if you are wimpy enough to cry about race and be that insecure about it then you probably need it. Overly insecure and emotionally weaker men with feelings of inferiority can benefit a lot from contact sports.
Matter of fact, get a hobby, maybe even get a LIFE.
Instead of whining on reddit all day or on the Internet forums? Go travel to the country you wanted to travel to. Go take that MMA class or acting class you always wanted. Party a bit once this COVID-19 lockdown boils over. Start that photography blog you always wanted to start after you buy that camera you always wanted to buy. Start that online business that you wanted or go to that lake on a nice afternoon. Find something to do with your time on weekends that does not involve sitting in front of the computer bored. A bored mind will always find ways to occupy itself, for better and often times even for worse.
Consider moving cities, especially if your city is considered to be a bad dating market.
Stuck in Bumfuck? Toronto? San Francisco? Atlanta? Consider moving if you can. The general lack of access will affect your confidence and this will pour over onto your racial insecurity. In reality, the truth of such cities is that most men in general regardless of race cannot succeed in them. The men who do succeed end up lucking out with a good social circle or they end up spam approaching to where they get lucky, some are truly top tier high value men who are 1% of all men out there (very rich, very handsome, very well-connected, and a top notch lifestyle). I will be writing a guide on how to do well in tough cities at some point in the future. Notice something here? This advice could benefit MOST men.
Start looking at where in the whole dance you fucked up.
Did you text her too much?
Were you less forward with your intentions?
Did you make yourself long-term relationship material instead of fling material?
Were you being a simp?
The beauty in all of this? This is shit you can change. I also guarantee that if you are not seeing success with women, this is something that needs to be fixed outside of your looks and lifestyle. Better than all of that, it teaches accountability. You can change being too eager or being too indirect as opposed to changing your race.
Take ownership, she probably rejected you because you came off as too nice instead of your eyes being too brown. In some ways, I feel like because guys of a dominant group cannot blame race, this ends up benefitting them because they can develop themselves more. Anyone that tells you to blame your race for it or something? Once again, ice them out and seek advice from people that tell you actions you can take!
Better text game? Better delivery of your message? Acting at the right time? You can work on that!
That closes it out.
I might have even missed some things, the challenge of posting daily has been a lot for me. I might even need to add more material to this topic because we are far from done for it. In the future, I might just release a post exclusively for Asian and Indian men since I get a lot of requests from men of those backgrounds. For now, I hope you guys liked this series.