What do dating and career growth have in common?

This blog is a lot of things, but it isn’t a place for career advice. We’re not going to talk about how to crush the GMAT or the LSAT, how to get that promotion, or how to get started on a side project. All that stuff can be important, but it’s not what we’ve decided to focus on.

So then what am I doing writing a post with “career” in the title? Well, this post isn’t really about career advice. It’s about how you can apply the principles you learn from seduction into other parts of your life, and how applying those skills to other parts of your life can then make you better at dating and seduction. It’s about the whole, amazing cycle. 

Assertiveness and Confidence Are Everything

One of the key concepts that runs through everything you learn when you study seduction and pickup is that it’s important to be assertive and confident. If you see a pretty girl in a bar and you want to get to know her, go up and talk to her. If you want your date to come home with you at the end of the night, you have to ask her. If you can tell your date is into you and you want to take things to the next level, you have to make a move. If you start thinking too much about whether she’ll want to talk to you, whether she’s going to accept your invitation, or whether she’s actually interested in you, you’ve messed up.  It’s important to be confident in your ability to attract women and to be assertive in making things happen.

The problem is, some guys who are great at pickup and seduction don’t ever transfer these skills to other areas of their life. They have no problem going up and talking to the hottest girl at a bar, but they’re stuck in a rut in their careers and other aspects of their personal lives.

But here’s the good news: the skills that are so important to dating and seduction can also be applied in other areas of life. I could spend a long time talking about the this in detail, but at the end of the day, there are two fundamental building blocks: confidence and assertiveness.

Let’s start with confidence. It takes confidence to go up and talk to a hot girl at a bar, a club, or a party. It takes confidence to know that there’s a good chance your approach will be well-received. And it takes confidence to still go up and talk to her even though you know she might reject you.

The same concept applies to your career as well. You need to have confidence to put your name up for a promotion that might seem a little out of reach. You need confidence to ask a senior colleague out to lunch to seek their advice. You need confidence to take on projects that might seem intimidating at first. If you’re reading this blog, you probably already have a good amount of confidence when it comes to dating, or it’s something you’re working on. So the idea of confidence being a key component to success isn’t new to you. One of the most important things you can do is to take that confidence and apply it across all aspects of your life, including your career.

Now let’s talk about assertiveness. It’s a closely related idea, but it’s not exactly the same. In my definition, confidence is believing you’re capable of doing something, and assertiveness is going out and actually doing it. And just like in your dating life, it’s an important concept in your career as well. Have you been thinking about going back to get your MBA or another Master’s degree? Well unless you take action to make it happen, it’ll remain just an idea. The same thing goes for advocating for a promotion, asking for more challenging projects, applying for new jobs, and literally anything else that could help move your career forward. It’s important to be assertive enough to actually make them happen.

The Cycle Continues

So once you’ve internalized how important it is to be confident and assertive and you’ve applied this to your career, the virtuous cycle will continue. When you’ve applied the lessons you learned from dating to your career, your dating life will start benefiting too. But wait – we’ve talked on this blog about how having a good career doesn’t necessarily mean your dating life is going to be any better. We’ve talked about how making lots of money or working for a prestigious firm isn’t, on its own, enough to make women interested in you.

And that’s still true. Just having a fat bank account or a fancy job title won’t help you much unless you’re talking to a girl who’s only interested in money. But there are a coupler reasons why the truth is a bit more complicated.

No, lots of money or a cool job can’t help you on their own. But they also won’t hurt. They convey status, drive, and intelligence, all of which are positive qualities in the dating market.

But being more assertive and confident in your career is helpful in another, more important way. And this is true even if you’ve chosen a career that isn’t known for paying high salaries. Being more confident and assertive can help you find something you’re passionate about, and having passion is always a good thing. When I say passion, I don’t necessarily mean that you have to go into the field you’ve been daydreaming about since high school. That isn’t always realistic. You can even find passion in a career that seems boring from the outside, but where you’ve found a certain niche that really excites you. Even if the thing you’re passionate about is boring to 99.9% of people who don’t work in your field, that’s ok. You don’t have to talk about it with your dates. But if you’re passionate and driven about your work, that will inevitably carry over after you’ve left the office (or logged off of your computer, until you go back to the office for real).

And as we’ve mentioned before, having goals, ambition, drive, and passion are some of the best things you can do to help your dating life. And having all of these things is much easier when you’ve laid the foundation with your confidence.

It’s All Connected

Can you find guys who never went to school, don’t have jobs, and live in their parents basements who are still amazing at seduction? Yes. And can you find guys with incredible careers who can’t talk to women to save their life? Of course.

But having a great dating life is so much easier when you have things going for you in other aspects of your life. Not only will having a good career make you more attractive to some women, it will make you a more interesting, driven, ambitious person, which will in turn make you more attractive. And I want to clarify what I mean by “good career.” You don’t have to be an investment banker or surgeon or have some other stereotypically prestigious career. Succeeding in a less prestigious or less lucrative field absolutely counts as having a good career. Let’s say you’re a teacher, or you’re in college and hoping to be a teacher when you graduate. In the US, teachers don’t make a ton of money, and therefore the field isn’t considered especially prestigious. But if you’re an award winning teacher, maybe on your way to moving up to being an assistant principal or principal, that definitely qualifies as having a good career. It still demonstrates the same core personality traits you’d need to be successful in any career.

So even though I don’t have concrete career advice for anyone, I hope that my thoughts are helpful. Be confident and be assertive. You’re probably already doing this, or learning how to do this, in your dating life. Now just apply it to your career, if you aren’t already. And as your career grows, you’ll can use this to make yourself more attractive as well. Not because your job title or salary are attractive on their own, but because the passion and drive it took you to get there are.

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