inner game · psychology · relationship · self-improvement

The truth for virgins and late bloomers.

I have received a lot of emails ever since the blog started to take off from men who were a bit late to the game. Common reasons include repressive upbringings due to the parents (or parent) that they had, growing up in a very conservative environment or culture, and not developing themselves socially/physically while growing up. For those of you who have read my story, you know that this is something I went through as well as I was a virgin heading into my twenties. So for those of you who were late to the game and still have not had their first girl yet, this post is for you.

Get ready for a very long and testing journey, it isn’t changing overnight.

As much as I want to tell you that you can just take some dating course, hiring a dating coach, or become a Dan Bilzerian overnight; it’s not happening. Your journey is going to be long and difficult, most of you might even burn out after a year. You didn’t turn into an awkward guy that struggles with women overnight, you won’t lose it overnight either. This journey of getting better with women is going to involve a lot of introspection, a lot of testing and trying things that do not work, and a lot of having to swallow your ego.

To put it in terms of time, do not expect any big or massive results in your first year. You are naturally going to do a lot of things wrong, which is okay unless you end up being one of those creepy Pickup Artists that get banned from malls in Toronto. In your first year, you probably won’t have anything close to the results you are dreaming about. I’d say it would take about three years at best of consistent effort, learning, unlearning what you found to be wrong, luck, lifestyle change, and a transformation overhaul for you to get to where you want to. Realistically, I’d say it would take close to five years for a lot of you because you will have moments of despair, depression, and times where you swear you are going to quit.

Be honest with yourself and what you want out of this, don’t waver after that.

Some of you would be happy with a decent looking girlfriend that likes you, if that is your goal, make it your end-goal. Some of you want to be the next Dan Bilzerian, well, it’s a long road ahead my friend. For some, the road is somewhere in the middle where you can meet women you want casually here and there, I’d say that is the majority of you. Whatever your end goal is, stick to that throughout. Do not become one of those guys who joins pickup communities but talks about how there is “more to life than pussy”, if that is the case, then fuck off and go pursue that more to life rather than wasting everyone’s time.

The truth is you are behind.

While a lot of other kids were partying in their teens, learning the ropes of romance, meeting women, and getting laid? You were probably playing video games, studying, and not investing much time in getting better with women and dating. Your social skills are likely a bit behind and you probably don’t fit in with kids who have bene practicing this for a while. If you were to be invited to a social event with people who got in on socializing and meeting women earlier, you’d stick out like a sore thumb by the way you act.

All of those years of video games, posting on Internet forums, not socializing with real people, not talking to women, and not partying when a lot of other people were partying have added up. Now in some ways, your geeky hobbies did get you a nice job (hopefully) but once again, your social skills were lagging behind. Whenever you open your mouth and say something, women and everyone immediately pick up on it and their sixth-sense can tell that you are an outsider even if they have just met you.

You might not even realize it in the moment but the ways you are acting immediately set you apart in the ways you do not want. In a lot of ways, you come off as “odd” to women and even men who are socially adept. If I was to take someone who was socially adept growing up and fit them in with that group versus you, they would not give off that vibe. Now this is where your challenge initially is, to not be that oddball.

The road is going to be filled with a lot of hardships.

If you are serious about improving yourself and being the kind of guy you envision yourself to be, it is going to be a hard and tough road. My advice to you would be get ready for change and get ready swallow your ego, you’ll be unlearning a lot of things. Be coachable, be open to feedback, don’t be stubborn since you really don’t know much, and get ready to deal with hardships along the way. Whether it is rejections by women at the bar, dates ghosting you, or being led on by a girl who faked being into you; it is going to be filled with hardships.

Now I am not saying you won’t get there, rather that the road is going to be a lot more difficult for you than it was for someone who was a natural growing up. You’ll learn a lot about people, human nature, and at times even feel alone through it all as people around your age are already doing things like getting married and starting families. The road ahead is going to be a true test of character for you and your goals, it will really make you ask how bad you want to live the life you dreamed about. For those of you who were not serious about it, the journey is going to burn you out in a big way.

Now while I have talked about what you are up against, what can you do about it? Well, instead of making a post on that, I think that this is something worth of an e-book. The reason is, it is going to be quite lengthy for even a series and this is something very personal to me. While I wish you the best in your journey, my e-book will be dedicated to talking about what it takes to move from hopeless virgin to a guy who has a rotation of women in his life that he is sleeping with. As for when it will release, well, I decided just today that I am going to go to work on it so it might be quite some time but it is not going to be free.

Great luck in 2020 and keep trucking along!

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