inner game · relationship · self-improvement

A great breakdown on how to approach women in public

I have noticed an uptick in recent weeks of the traffic I get from a site called Reddit. Now I have seen that Reddit tends to have its unique communities, some of which in my view are quite toxic (case in point the Red Pill). My other problem is that the new layout of the site sucks compared to the old layout that used to be there. Every now and then, I find myself browsing a few reddit subs and I came across a great post on the seduction reddit which I feel like every guy should read.

All too often, we get misled by Pickup Artists on how to approach women. Many of them act in strange ways that in small enough cities can get you a bad social reputation as being that weirdo. While a lot of men are against taking dating advice from a woman, I feel like this user here broke it down really well on how you should approach women.

Here is the link with the full post in quotes, I have bolded some key points I want all of you to take away.

when a guy walks up to me on the street when I’m going somewhere and he outright says to me something along the lines of “Hey, you’re pretty, what’s your name”, I’m almost always startled and want to leave asap.

We can debate direct vs. indirect approach all day long but I notice it in NYC why women would feel like this. When you have drugged out characters and people asking you for change every few blocks, you guard is already up. A guy aggressively coming up to you and telling you that you are cute only makes it a lot worse. I can understand how any girl going about her day would be startled if some guy aggressively came up to her and started to talk to her like he is trying to hard sell then and there.

What those situations had in common was me not rushing anywhere and those guys starting a conversation with saying something casual, for example asking about the lettering on my tote bag (it’s sort of a wordplay). One mentioned that he thought my glasses were really cool and then showing me his, which were almost identical; another one asked me if I knew what the bar’s specialty was etc.

I left out a part of the post but she talks about how the guys who did get her attention managed to do some things right. The quote below goes deeper:

all of the successful approaches were super laid back (I didn’t feel ‘hunted down’), gave me a chance to escape them without saying that I’m not interested (it’s actually quite hard to tell such a thing to someone) or lying about having a boyfriend (that only happens when a guy is too persisent). Those guys also made it really easy for me to get into a conversation with them and actually let me talk to them like I’m a normal person (not just an object of physical attraction), thus making it easier to either exchange numbers or just expand our social circles (without any pressure).

I call this being human. All too often we get misled with pickup artists and voices telling men to be direct and to get her attention anyhow but the truth is, women are people too. We face an issue when men try to see it as a war of the sexes where women are against you and purposefully trying to make you fail. The reality is more that just like you want the best looking girlfriend you can brag about, she wants the best guy she can brag about.

Notice how the post overall emphasizes being human instead of some spammy approach machine. Now here is where I feel some argument can be had, it is in some ways misleading to talk to a girl about her bag when really you think she is hot and want to eventually be with her. I find that the one defense for direct approach is that you are at least making your intentions known and not hiding behind a BS facade.

So how do you remain genuine while not coming off as a creeper that sees women as a piece of meat? I think that part of it is in your body language and tone. The other part is also in changing the view you see the game itself. You haven’t really given her a reason to go home with you because you happen to call her the same crap cat callers would call her. Instead, you should see it as giving her a reason to want to spend more time with you.

You acknowledge that you think she is hot but also that a simple canned line or being a spam approach machine that comes on too strong is not enough of a reason for her to get with you. Instead, you show social awareness in public when talking to her which shows you as someone who picks up on social cues. You are presenting yourself now as a socially cool and aware guy that she would not be embarrassed to introducing to her friends.

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