My post here will not be a popular one and do doubt I get a lot of heat but I could care less, it is my opinion and experience so far.
Dating apps have long come under fire from experts due to their fake and artificial nature. The argument goes that on a dating app, all you have to go by are your photos and that is it. You cannot woo a woman or impress one with your “game” or your charm like you could doing day game or going out to bars. In other words, all you have to go by are your looks and maybe a short bio, that is it. We all really know the truth here which is that your pics, aka your looks, make up majority of your value on a dating app (I’d say close to 95%).
So why have I become a fan of such a brutal atmosphere?
Maybe reading Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins (highly recommend it, great book) has me embracing the toughness and the grind. I somehow long to make it in an atmosphere where it is supposed to be rough. To play Devil’s Advocate with myself, it is also tough to pound through rejections in nightgame and approach a hot girl during the day.
I mean, you can go to a bar and say perhaps the right lines or use social proof to win a woman over. Maybe you catch a woman out during the day who is amazed by your charm and boldness of talking to her out of the blue which raises your value. Then you have the dating apps where you are compared against hundreds of other men in your area and your looks are pretty much the only thing that can save you.
The reason is, I am a huge believer of love on first sight. I feel that dating apps are primal attraction because a woman decides in seconds, based purely on your aesthetic looks, whether or not you are worth getting with. Somehow, it feels better for me to have been picked by a woman when she had hundreds of options in front of her compared to having to be one of the few guys at the bar who picked her up because maybe alcohol was involved or I had some social status.
Dating apps are a brutal test of everything a woman has been through in her life culminating into her judging you based on a photo alone. All her biases, prejudice, and general perceptions taking part in a matter of seconds where a swipe determines whether or not things move forward. In my view, dating apps are raw and unbiased attraction because all a woman has to go by are your looks.
Who is to say she would have still gone for you at the bar if alcohol was not involved?
Who is to say that she would have gone for you if you did not have status and popularity?
Who is to say that she would have gone for you if you did not put on a show that wowed her?
I truly am a believer in the fact that attraction cannot be negotiated. Love at first sight in my opinion is really the only kind of love there is, she either likes you or she doesn’t. Even if you do win her over by doing a bunch of tricks and psychological stuff, you are still having to live with the fact that you had to go out of your way to get her.
There really is a validating feeling that comes with doing well on dating apps.
Sure, I can go up to a girl at a bar and approach, maybe if I say the right lines and her inhibition is lowered enough, then she goes home with me. At the same though, I had to really use a lot of skills and do things on my end to convince her to go home with me. We don’t know what would have happened if the alcohol was not there or the moment was not right.
On a dating app, you get the validating feeling that she saw you and immediately without even knowing much made a move on you. I get most validated by Bumble of any of the apps since women do have to message first. When you hit 100 matches, there is this feeling that you have almost ascended to a level whether based on your looks or the way your profile works that most men will probably not get to. It is one of a kind type of feeling to know that out of 100s or plenty of picks in general, she picked you and you are now on a date.
Once you get to a point where you are regularly getting dates from dating apps and matches, especially when they flirt with you, your confidence will go to another level.
The intention is as clear as day.
You met on Bumble and go on a date, it’s pretty clear what the point of it all is. Dating apps make it very straightforward. Compare this to social circle or even daygame where you have to start with an odd intention, unless you do a direct opener, and then move it to making your intentions clear. You didn’t exactly get on Bumble or Hinge to ask for directions or the nearest coffee shop.
Some men are bold enough to do daygame direct and even nightgame direct but the failure rate is very high. Compare this to a dating app where the volume more or less comes to you, especially when you pay for premium, and you get to more or less be the chooser after that.
Seems to be where our world is going anyways.
We used to go to the grocery store to get our groceries but now we have Instacart. We used to go to the store in general to get what we wanted but then Amazon came and commerce went to the Internet. Our friendships used to be formed when we were out doing things or at bars but now it all switched to social media. Well, the same has happened with dating apps as most people meet online.
Yet I am not saying close off other avenues, I am not doing that.
I have never really been the one to master daygame although the thought has come to my head, especially in NYC, when I see a hot girl walk by and wish I had the charms to get her to be with me. A part of me will never give up on going out and chatting up randoms at a bar or nightclub. When social circles work to my favor and an opportunity is there, I will always go for it. Nothing can really replace so far though, the love I have gained for online dating after it has worked out well for me. As for what I did to get to that point, we are releasing a guide on that very soon!