inner game · psychology

How I would actually coach single men.

A lot of material exists for single guys to get coaching on how to get better with women and be more attractive. I have also received email asking if I do consulting and coaching. Unfortunately for now, I have decided not to go that route due to a lack of time and because I am not actually where I would want to be in life. Remember, this is a blog so I am offering my thoughts, observations, and own personal stories.

I did think for a bit about it with how I would go about coaching and offering advice to single guys. The way I would do things would probably be used to what most of you have seen with “dating coaches”, for starters I would not even call myself that because I think it is such a corny and dumb label. I also feel like “bootcamps” and the way dating coaches do things these days is broken, here is how I would do them differently.

For starters, vetting. Can I even help the guy?

I think one of the ways the current system is broken is that it sells false hope to guys who are just not in a good position right now. No, you are not going to show up to the club 50 lbs overweight with a Dungeons and Dragons T-Shirt and do anything with models that is not comic relief. If I see a guy who is way out of shape, unemployed/has no source of income coming in, living with his parents, and cannot even hold a conversation with anyone; then I would turn him down. 

I would also try to see if the guy is in a mindset right now to even receive coaching or if he is one of those toxic incels. The reason is, I am not going to bother helping a guy who thinks the distance between your eyes is the end all be all with game. So in other words, there is no way I could have helped Eliot Rodger. You heard that right, I would actually turn business away. 

My advice to this guy would be to fix the obvious. Get in shape, get better style, and learn to hold a conversation with people.

Get a better understanding of their environment and situation.

I recently got an email from a European reader who told me about how things work in his country and to be honest, I don’t have that much to offer him. The reason is, I have not stayed in Europe for a long time and done exceptionally well there because of it. Sure, I had some luck on vacation but that is because I am on vacation. Far too many pickup and dating coaches tell guys stuck in small cliquey towns where word gets out fast to act how they would act in Vegas, does not work. If anything, it works to further ruin the guy and his reputation.

Ideally, I would help guys in a place like NYC or a big US city since I have the most familiarity there.

Find out what he is trying to actually do and what success means to him.

Coaching a 6’3 jock with good looks to find a girlfriend is a lot easier than coaching a 5’6 foreign guy who is not that in tune with local norms have regular success with hot model blondes. In other words, I would be real with the guy and let him know what I can help him do and what I cannot based on who he is. 

Not long ago, I got an email from a guy who said he is a short Indian guy from India who wants to have success with hot blonde women in California. I can already say, as much as I may love Indian culture, that he has his work cut out for him. For one, he might not be in tune with local norms given that he is from another country. For another, he is in an image conscious place like California and he is already short. Now I can go on and on about this but this is a tall mountain to climb for him. I would be realistic with him and let him know what he is up against.

I would find what kind of investment he is willing to put in for that success he wants.

Is the guy who wants to regularly pull hot blondes willing to look good, be more charismatic, go out to places where these women are around more, adjust to the culture these women find attractive, and lose dead weight (toxic friends, etc.)? I would actually get this guy to put all of this into writing to hold him accountable in order for me to take the time to help him out. How much work is he willing to put into potentially even moving if needed? How much does this mean to him? A part of that investment will then include him paying me.

I would tell him what lies ahead as a commitment.

Too many coaches and gurus say that it is supposed to easy but no, success does not happen from sitting through a seminar. Some guys might need only slight adjustments to their game but for others, it could be more significant ones. I would tell him what it would realistically take for him to get to where he needs to get to. If it requires way too much work on both of our ends, I would once again go back to the first point and say I cannot help him until he has put in work elsewhere. If I did find it is a longer investment but doable, I’d charge him based on that.

I would try to help him find what he is actually good at.

Some guys are great at cold approaching and have the guts for it, they just need to understand social norms better so they do not come off as creeps. Some guys are masters at marketing and can put together a dating profile that attracts right swipes in bunches. Some guys are just really good at reading people and might lack the boldness to approach but can tell when a girl is into them and not. 

My goal would be to find where this guy’s strengths lie and emphasize those. If he is good at presentation, then we would work on putting together a killer dating app profile. If he is bold and can cold approach en masse, then I would work on refining some social quirks and put him in places where he can thrive. I would want this guy to find his safety blanket in game as he continues to also explore other ways. Not everyone has to be a suave cold approacher and not everyone can be.

I would probably try to help him find his market.

One of my friends is a tall handsome Indian guy and for some reason, white women flock to him more than any other race. White Midwestern girls in particular are head over heels crazy for him. One night I went out with him in Manhattan and within an hour at a very popular nightclub, he was locking lips with a tanned brunette with an athletic body and cute face. Come to find, he took her home, she was from Indiana. 

My point being, I would try to find what kinds of women would probably love the guy a lot. The reason for this is if things go sour, this guy knows what group he can always do well with. Now at times it might not be to his liking but he does have a safety blanket now.

I would check up to see how he has been after a year.

Did things go as he wanted? Did they work out as he wanted? Did he really find what he wants to do? Did he stick with hooking up? Did he find a girlfriend? I would want to then use that information long-term to see what my clients who were successful had in common with ones that burned out. Applying that, I would continue to innovate my methods because you can never be complacent here.

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