inner game · self-improvement

Know your market

I almost wanted to call it the number one rule of dating to be honest with you but then again, looks and confidence do matter a lot. In the past, we have talked a bit about what successful versus unsuccessful guys do differently when it comes to dating and pursuing women. Now one rule that does not get talked about enough, simply because it is so complex, is knowing your market.

Ever wonder how some guys can get away with it all?

Ever wonder how some men can have sloppy game and be goofballs but as long as they are halfway competent, women will still give them a time of the day. Ever wonder how some women are just so open to certain guys but when others do the same thing, even if it is a cool guy, they are not as open? Yet, we don’t get it either. We never get how some guys can be otherwise plain guys without anything special to them but with just a bit of game, they turn their fortunes around.

Well if you have, then you have been told you cannot get every girl out there. You also cannot get every kind of girl out there with consistency.

A friend of mines is a cool guy named Tre, he is a 6’2 black guy who played football in college and he has a great friendly vibe to him. My other friend is a dorky 5’9 white guy who has his quirks to him and is a caring guy but kind of cheesy (no offense Ross, if you are reading this). In most cases, my friend who is the former gets a lot more attention from the get go.

Around certain kinds of women though, Ross surprisingly does a lot better than Tre. For those of you who know all about stereotypes, one of those groups of women are Asian women. To them, Ross is somehow always more attractive than Tre and to Ross’s credit, he is not a bad looking guy at all.

Now this is inconsistent because even with white women, Tre gets a better reception if she is younger and more attractive. Granted, we are in a big city where the dating culture is liberal but even when he went to college in a conservative town, Tre did well with white girls.

Ross can do certain things around Asian women and he will always be attractive to them. Tre can do a lot of those things and he has a lower chance, much lower chance.

Put Tre near a bunch of hot blondes, he strikes gold. Put Ross near a bunch of Asian women, he is going way above his average.

Time to purge your mind of misconceptions.

The truth is that women, just like all of us, have their prejudice. Now while I will not say all Asian women that are hot dislike black guys, simply because I have known enough that have hooked up with or are with black guys, there is a trend. In other words, there is a link between race and culture and culture impacts how people see the world, including people different from them. Certain groups and types of men are seen as attractive in some cultures, there is no doubt in my mind that Tre would be a hit in Scandinavia.  Other kinds of men are just not seen as having that same image.

So when you notice that somehow your friend who looks different from you is getting a better treatment, there is something to it and at times it is out of your control.

The reason I am telling you this is not to discourage you, it is to simply tell you to better pick your market and know it.

In my opinion, it is insanity to stubbornly chase after certain kinds of women who time and time again have shown themselves to not like men like you. Dating and attracting women is already a tough game if you are looking to meet a lot of good looking women. Instead, the guys who are successful make the game easier on themselves and naturally flow towards their market which is already receptive to them.

One of my friends is a mixed race guy who kind of looks like actor Max Minghella (who you may remember from the movie The Social Network). Given his hipster vibe and laid back nature, he does poorly with Latinas. Now when you couple in a darker complexion and a look all too common among Latinos, he has a bad reception from the get go in approaching them at clubs or cold approaching them.

After deciding enough was enough, he expanded out more and now goes for various kinds of women. Somehow, his look hits home with European girls and Midwestern white girls who are head over heels crazy for him. As soon as he focused his resources in the right place, my friend saw his success go through the roof with women.

“But my type happens to be a certain look, are you telling me I am screwed?”

So you are a black guy who loves Asian girls or a brown skinned ethnic guy who happens to love Latinas that look good, are you screwed? Most dating coaches will tell you that you can just cold approach your way to a win. Most red pill gurus will say its the reality, just live with it and accept your fate.

I will tell you that women love men that they see other women loving. So you are a cool black guy and somehow Asian women won’t give you the time of the day due to cultural biases. Well, I’ve known quite a few cool black guys who did well with other races and soon, good looking Asian girls noticed and made their intentions clear. I’ve known darker skinned ethnic guys who cleaned up with the market that preferred them, soon there were some great looking Latinas lining up for their time.

Call it the winner effect or call it its own form of social proof, pretty soon you’ll have more options than when you started. You should want the best looking women possible and no matter your preference, say you happen to like a Latina over a blonde, you’re a fool if you go for a Yolanda Saldivar lookalike over a woman who looks like Heather Graham in her prime.

Now say you were adamant about your type and wanted to specialize in doing well with them, even if the odds were stacked against you, how would you do that? I might release a post on that in the future.

2 thoughts on “Know your market

  1. Do you have any East Asian friends? If so, what race do they do usually do well with?

    1. Cannot believe I missed this on my feed. Yes I do have a number of East Asian friends and to be honest, many. I cannot say that for all races of men but women hold little reservations against dating an Asian guy if he is not the stereotype. I think outside of white guys, East Asian men are pretty set.

      Now in terms of women who are strongly against them, I find that white women raised in places with large Asian populations like Northern California or Toronto where Asians were seen as a stereotype tend to hold the bias. Most other types of women do not care that much.

      The polarizing disdain towards East Asian men is not there like it would be even for South Asian men.

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