Why statistics and “studies” stop mattering after a point

The ideal man has to be 6’3 , yeah like right at 6’3. Come from an old money family, New England WASP please. Speak with a Scottish accent, thank you. Have tanned skin, pretty much a requirement. As you are shut-in with lockdowns which might pick back up with COVID-19 making a comeback , you might be like the old me and give a lot of stock into statistics and “dating studies”. In fact, you are just aching for that new study to come out and say that black shirts are more attractive than the white ones.

You start to measure yourself up against statistics such as how far away are you from being 6’3, how tanned you are than the ideal, and the list can go on here. Life starts becoming a game of statistics like some Roleplaying Game or something instead of, life. So then you start to realize that compared to the statistical ideal, you are not really anywhere close. You do not tick all of the boxes of what is supposed to be an ideal man.

So you get depressed, maybe you turn into an incel, or maybe you just have a permanent inferiority complex. The inferiority comes out in your tone and how you interact with women, who pick up on it and avoid you because something seems “off”. Now the negative downward spiral continues because well, you start becoming your own worst enemy. While winning is contagious, losing is not and people tend to avoid losers, “victims” (by that I mean not actual victims who have been through legitimate trauma), and those that feel sorry for themselves.

To set the tone though, I did say after a certain point.

I am not here to tell you that being out of shape, having poor style, and socially awkward means you can win over the kinds of women you probably want to. Definitely get everything on point and make the best with what you can. What I am here to actually say is that after you have maxed out your looks and style and learned some game, stop worrying about the kind of stuff you have no control over. Stop caring about how you stack up to the ideal man.

Because the chances of you running into that ideal man are slim.

Chances that you run into the ideal man on paper are relatively slim, even in the wealthiest parts of the world. Most of the times, you are going to be at a bar or nightclub (when things open up again a year from now and get somewhat back to normal) and realize that it is you and your fear of approaching a hot girl that is your biggest enemy. Can the ideal guy come along, yeah, but it does not happen that often.

Sometimes, and a lot of times really, you have to show up and do the damn job.

The ideal guy might be in a relationship with his ideal girl. The ideal guy might be gay. The ideal guy might not be in your club or neck of the woods, even in your vicinity. Most of the times, it is you and your inner fear of screwing up or being blown out that mess you up. Majority of guys are not going to approach a hot girl at a bar. A number of guys who do will be awkward or just off with their approach. The amount of guys approach women in a bar or nightclub that do it right are slim because the ones good at it have their rotation, they don’t always go out on the hunt.

My own story.

Not dating related but in a previous role I had, there was a top performer who seemed to have our profession figured out. Given the bias my boss had towards him and against most others, I found the environment so toxic that I quit. I started a new job and a couple months in, I was struggling.

A part of me though, man if that guy from my previous role was here he would kill it and do so well compared to me. Now I started to get down on myself and feel a bit depressed, I made up scenarios in my head as a lot of you do. I imagined him being in my seat and having a stellar performance while I was struggling. The praise, pay, and promotion would go to him and not me.

Then I had an epiphany, it hit me like a shit ton of bricks (or however you use the expression) even though it was so obvious. He was not there, not here at all. In fact, it was me and the task ahead of me, the rest were powers beyond my control. As many “scenarios” and statistics as you can come up with on who would win what fight, in the end, life and fate happens.

We can imagine and think about how Tom Brady and the Patriots would not have won so many Superbowls if the Cowboys of the 90s and 49ers of the 80s with Joe Montana were still playing. Well, they were not, Brady and the Patriots played what was in front of them and had the most dominant run in NFL history. Same as with my role, we can imagine how I would managed to get outperformed and looked down on if the top performer from my previous company was there but he was not.

Bringing it back to the relevance of this post.

We can talk about how the ideal man would outgame and outdo you nine or ten out of ten times. Well, when it is you at the bar and a hot girl as no one is approaching, it is not that hypothetical scenario. It is reality, it is that present moment, and if you come off with solid game while looking your best then you are going home with her even if you are not her “type”.

As for me, I did do well for that given period and heard back from an old coworker from the former top performer at my previous job was rigging the system in a big way. The others caught on which comes to show, Mark Twain might have had a point.

“There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.”  Mark Twain

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