I get quite a few messages from guys in college who ask me how to meet people and yes, most importantly, meet women. I’d say that the advice asking for college help is one of the most common ones I get these days. Now granted, COVID-19 has changed things and we don’t know what the new normal is going to be here. Despite that, I am going to pretend for the purpose of this post that the new normal will be largely similar to the old normal once this thing passes.
A bit of a heads up, my post is mainly geared towards my American readers because I do not know how things work outside of my country.
College, the promised paradise that wasn’t.
You have heard it all haven’t you, “the best four years of your life”. I mean, you are supposed to have an easy time in college when it comes to making friends and dating so why are you struggling? Now this is all assuming you go to a four year state school like a Syracuse or FSU. So, you arrive on campus in your freshman year or maybe you even transferred from a community college yet, things are not working out for you.
All of the movies, articles, and talk amongst your friends of hot party girls lining up to get wild just did not pan out for you. You see others out at fun house parties, having the time of their lives, and it seems like there you are. You see pics on social media of beautiful women who are posing with guys that are not you as fantasies rush through your head about all the things they are doing together . The best four years of your life huh, then you wonder how much worse it gets after this because these years are not going so well.
Here is what they forgot to tell you.
Media, parents and society make college out to be this open society full of accepting people but that is far from the truth. I’d say that social status matters even more in college than it might have in high school if you want “the college experience”. People are more judgmental and more cliquish in college, especially since in a lot of the top party schools in America you have Greek Life controlling the scene.
In your freshman year, a lot of the cliques are formed and that will have a huge say in how a lot of your experience turns out. At most schools, the athletes and guys in top fraternities typically have a monopoly on the party scene and yes, the hot girls. Good Looking Loser, who used to be a great source of information before he retired from the game, has a really good post on this phenomenon.
So there you go, I have spent most of this post telling you how fucked you are but the theme of this blog is we always tell you how to overcome.
Chances are, you were a socially awkward misfit starting out or maybe you transferred in after a couple of years. Whatever it may have been, you missed the boat at first. Now you are in an unfavorable place so how do you recover? As yet another heads up, I somewhat recovered later on in my college career as someone who went to a school where Greek Life politics were ruthless. I still did end up graduating college as a virgin but that was due to my being really picky. If you care to keep reading after this, here are things you can do to recover.
For the love of god do not go into PUA mode.
I know it is going to be tempting but don’t do it man, seriously, don’t. Don’t go around being that guy that runs game on campus because word will spread fast and people will find out, fast. If you have already ruined your reputation there, I’d stop immediately and just start doing the other things I am about to recommend after this. People can forget fast if you show yourself to be a decent and cool guy overtime but you need to stop the spammy approach on college campuses. Every now and then, try to make small talk with a really cute girl but don’t be a PUA.
Quit the frat boy dream and don’t bother with Greek Life.
After your first couple years, even after your first, Greek Life is pointless. Most of the top fraternities are really choosy about who they pick and they will take a younger freshman over you any day. I would not spend anytime around Greek Life unless it is by chance. Most fraternities find it kind of cringey if someone who is a junior or above wants to rush, there are exceptions but it is not worth your time.
Work on your physical fitness and looks.
I would hit the campus gym and get on trying to get as fit as possible. I did this all too late and wish I had done it sooner. College affords you the time to eat decent and also most campuses have a great gym. I would even get involved with any game of pickup basketball or soccer that is being played, great way to make a decent friend or two. Now that takes me to my next point.
Work on making friends, lots and lots and lots of friends.
Friends through classes, friends through activities, friends through volunteering, and you name it. As hard as it might be, it was for me no doubt, you will have to try and keep a positive mindset. Do not have that incel mindset of negativity because it will be really easy for you to have that given all that is going on in college. I’d get involved in any fun campus events or meetups after class happening, just fucking talk to people like a normal person and be positive. Most will not want anything to do with you but some might.
I’d highly highly highly recommend getting on social media.
Instagram is the go to, I think Tik Tok might be popular now too, but I recommend social media. If you are not on social media, your friends will think you are weird. Again, I don’t agree with this but it is what it is. Right now, if you are reading this, you don’t really have the space to be an independent alpha since well….you aren’t exactly experiencing alpha results yet. Ignore the red pill pickup bullshit and get on social media. Add your friends on your IG and put up cool pics of shit you have done.
Maybe even take a fun class.
Anything in acting, maybe a gym class that is fun, or anything that revolves around socializing. If you are a STEM major, this is a must, take a fun elective that involves a lot of socializing and be engaged in that class. Talk to your classmates and if they do after hour hangouts, just fucking go. Do not go in with the intention of picking up women (like I foolishly did), just go in with the intention of socializing and talking to people. If you do it enough over a semester, you will have friends who recognize you whenever you are out or will even invite you out to hang out with them.
If said friends ask you to do anything with them, just fucking do it.
Right now, you need friends and social interactions. You need your tribe and your group to hang out with. Not every social interaction has to be a night spent getting wasted at a frat house, most will not be for you. Your goal is to find groups of people to hang out with somewhat regularly and hang out with them often over a semester.
Find a social job, I highly recommend anything at a bar.
If your college has a thriving nightlife which most party schools do, you should try to find work at any of the bars or restaurants. You would usually start as a barback at a bar and if you are lucky, get some bartending shifts. Most of the party scene for upperclassmen switches from house parties to bars anyways. You’d enjoy a great status boost even with the Greek Life crowd if you could land one of these jobs. Now obviously, it is not so straightforward. At my school, Greek Life alumni owned a certain bar and only hired guys from that frat. If you can land a social job, this would be a huge savior for your college experience and you can even leverage this to things like a fun service industry side gig when you are done with college.
Don’t lose out on the big picture, college is not the end all be all.
My college experience was for the most part horrible. I did not make a lot of good friends and I was depressed with missing out my first couple years. As it went on, I did save myself and I did end on a decent enough note but there was so much I wish I would have done better.
Now years after college has ended, I have enjoyed a great life. I have had situations where the same frat guys I saw as above me in the top frats have begged for my time to show them around the city. I’ve been with sorority girls from some of the most well known sororities at the top party schools in the country during summers when they were interning.
You don’t have to have the Hollywood college experience to live an awesome life. You can have the wild parties, hot girls, cool friends and fun stories even well after college. Despite what they say, life after college can be pretty damn fun!