Crush or oneitis, depends on what you want to call it.
You would think that having a crush is a grade school thing and something you grow out of having but unfortunately, they do say high school never ends for a reason.
Whether it is in a class, a neighbor, or god forbid at work; you are going to have crushes. In fact, unless you are a cold-blooded psychopath with no feelings, you are going to have a crush at some point. The crush may not even be someone you are attracted to at first based on looks but something about their demeanor and complete package just gets you. Then, it consumes you like none other and you cannot help but fantasize about them.
I used to think that being “red-pilled” at some point in my life or knowing all I know about the nature of people and relationships would stop me from having a crush but even I have fallen victim to it recently. At the end, I am person with emotions and as much as having a crush sucks sometimes, you still love feeling those emotions. You love being around people that bring certain emotions out of you, it just makes you human really. Even if the person is taken, you cannot help but have somewhat of an attraction to them.
Lately, I got a crush on a woman who I could not for the life of me explain why I had a crush on. It was a mixture of us working on things together and her vibe, initially I would have never gone for her. I have no idea what in the world happened but for quite some time, she ate up a lot of space in my head. At some point, it became so much for me that I decided I really needed to find a resolution.
Thank God most of our communication was remote, it would have been ten times more difficult in office situations. See, there is a silver lining to all of these lockdowns. I got my thoughts together and was able to acknowledge that I had a crush, was feeling strong emotions, and had to get it fixed.
Now there are some traditional tips they offer on getting over a crush.
Some say, imagine your crush doing the most disgusting thing out there, maybe then you will stop having a crush.
Some say, just chase other people and eventually, you will find a new crush.
Some say, go for it and try to get their attention, you might just get lucky (not recommended if they are taken).
Some even say it is a stupid emotion, just stop feeling it and be more “alpha” because “all women are the same” and you need to “stop getting oneitis”.
I have actually found that when emotions are so strong, a lot of those tips don’t really work the way you like. At one point, I had a few dates too and they were better looking than the woman I had a crush on but again, I’d end up thinking about her on some days. It got to a point where I had a thing for her and it was driving me insane, I hated it. In many ways, she was imperfect with her personality but something about the whole package got me.
Then it hit me.
What I am about to tell any of you experiencing the same emotions might be somewhat close to an epiphany.
Everything I had tried, it just didn’t seem to work.
On one random walk at night, I realized something.
I have had crushes in the past and well, some of them turned into really fucking embarrassing situations. I thought back to the first woman I ever fell in love with and how much she toyed with my emotions and burned me. Then I realized something about that situation and about that woman.
At some point, a point I cannot explain, she went into the back burner in my head and I got a thing for another woman. When I had a thing for this other woman, the woman I previously had a crush on? I forgot all about her. I didn’t go out looking to get a new crush but life and its circumstances just put it in front of me.
Then, it became a cycle for me where I developed crush after crush and everytime, I’d forget all about the previous crush.
So what is my advice on getting over a crush?
First, you really have to acknowledge it and accept it. Accept that you have a thing for this person and those strong emotions you feel, they are some strong fucking emotions that make you into a damn human-being.
Imagine how boring and mundane life would be if it did not have that uncertainty and those emotional highs and lows, they give life its fruit and make it exciting to live. Accept that you have strong emotions and just let them flow. Feel the highs, the lows, the happiness, the sorrow, and everything.
Be ready to live with the fact that the story will have an unhappy ending, in fact, accept it. Sometimes, crushes do workout and you end up with the one you are infatuated with but a lot of times, they just end up going nowhere.
Yet, no matter what reality and logic tells you, emotions will often overwhelm you and be there. You will have those fantasies and that hope of being with that person you are infatuated with. So just accept your emotions and feel them. Don’t fight it, don’t do something stupid like making a move, just acknowledge it and accept it.
Accept that eventually, this crush too will pass.
Yes, as you feel those strong feelings and emotions, acknowledge the one truth that will set you free: One day this too will pass.
Yup, one day, you are going to lose all emotions and feelings you have for your person of interest. One day, you are going to look back and maybe you still have feelings but someone else will come along and take their place. You just have to go out there and really meet new people but have no expectations because you never really know.
Whatever you are feeling right now, it is very likely not forever. That’s really the thing about crushes, they come and then they just go.
Most of all, be happy you are able to have a crush, I know my life when I didn’t.
I went down the whole “all women are the same” red pill path and saw women as objects at one point in my life. I didn’t go beyond a one night stand and quite frankly, I felt empty, even robotic in a way. At some point, I fell in love and as painful as it was at the end, it just brought so much humanity to my life.
I was happy at the end because I was human. I was happy I could feel and not be a robot who sees people as objects. My life had emotions in it and they brought that richness to it all.
If you are experiencing those strong emotions right now, be happy to feel human and alive!
2 thoughts on “Advice for anyone who can’t get over a crush.”
Recognizing and accepting crushes is tough. Thanks for this post, it helped me learn something about how I act with crushes!
Glad I could help out and have appreciated your feedback all along the way.