inner game · relationship · self-improvement

Should you go for the women you want or the women that want you?

A while back, I posted about knowing your market and received various emails around my post. My point was that, depending on your look (race playing a big part in that), certain kinds of women are just going to be nicer to you than others.

Now here you are as a guy caught in the middle of all the biases and prejudice getting on the world of dating. In some cases, the biases and prejudice can actually work in your favor while in others they work against you.

You can just swallow your pride and go for whatever market is treating you better in this case. For example, if as a Ginger guy you do better in Thailand than Ireland, then why not go to Thailand? If as an Arab guy you are high in demand in Russia but not so much in Spain, why not stick to Russian and Eastern European women? After all, why make it tougher than it has to be?

Now this is the smart thing to do and the path of least resistance here. You go where your value is high and avoid groups which view your look as a negative or just have a strong prejudice against your kind. Yet, as a guy who is trying to get the most out of the game, do you really take this path? I mean, you get to preserve your ego and you even get the easy wins.

I went down this path.

As a guy with dark hair who tans easily, I noticed that I was a magnet for blondes, redheads, and paler girls who wish they could tan easily themselves. Even in my youth and upbringing, natural blondes with freckles were nicer to me from the get go. I also had a really good experience with black women, darker skinned Indian women, and darker ethnic girls in general (think darker than light brown, more of a medium brown skin tone) in my life too.

Meanwhile, I received somewhat of a harsh reception from the Emily Ratajkowski lookalikes. Olive skinned brunettes were not very nice to me to say the least, my blond friends had a better experience. I remember one of my teachers in middle school who was this Italian woman that always had it out for me and wanted to get me in trouble. Throughout my life, I had my worst experiences with women of that kind of look whether they were white or Middle Eastern or Latina.

Some say there is biology involved here where women want to prevent inbreeding, who knows. I’ve also heard the opposite too where women prefer men who remind them of their dads in many ways so the “research” is all over the place.

Due to my experiences in my youth, I naturally gravitated towards really pale girls or women of minority groups when I started to run game. I remember when I’d go to a bar and see a sexy Gal Gadot lookalike but not approach as much as I wanted to because I wanted to protect my pride. Come to think of it, I even caught myself intentionally avoiding these women to protect my ego and going for a woman who I thought was likely to go for me.

The other thing that kind of backed up my beliefs is the fact that on dating apps, I matched a lot with blonde girls, black girls, Asian girls, and the occasional Indian girl.

What’s odd is that because I approached women who were not my type, the rejections hurt less. A blonde who looks like a supermodel could have rejected me and I would have laughed it off. Deep down, it didn’t do much to my emotions because she wasn’t even my type. If some Kendall Jenner lookalike (who is my type) did it on the other hand? It would sting harder.

But then, there was that emptiness in me.

Yes, I had slept with hot blondes that most men would happily look at photos of in private. I had been with a redhead that turned heads everywhere she walked. I had a wild one night stand with a sexy black girl that resembled Rashida Jones. I had been with a beautiful Indian girl with Bollywood actress looks.

Even after all that, I guess for some men, there comes that mentality of wanting what you cannot have. I am in NYC where a large portion of the population is Eastern European descent, Jewish, or Mediterranean background. If I decided to completely avoid the look I was supposed to have a tough time with (because maybe I remind them of their brother?), I’d be ruling out a significant portion of women in NYC. The other part is that perhaps I got to a point where I was up to a challenge.

Naturally competitive men will have this happen to them where whenever they have a challenge or score left unsettled, they will get to that once they have had enough success. Once you have slept with enough women and been with enough beautiful women, you want to naturally play in tougher environments or challenge yourself.

Time to face the fear.

One night I go out with my Indian friend and we are at a bar in the Meatpacking District. I see this cute Dua Lipa lookalike and immediately, I approach. The girl’s name was Riley (odd) and she was mixed, originally from Ohio. Surprisingly, she is nice to me and when she touched me, I felt an arousal I had not felt in a while. We ended up making out as the night went on but her social crew was there so a number was all I got.

As midnight neared, Riley was gone and I saw these two girls at a bar off at a distance. The girls both had black hair, tanned skin, and looked beautiful. Without a second to waste, I approach with my Indian wingman and get blown out. I have to say, that shit hit me deep and I had never had a rejection hurt like that in a while. Come to think of it, I had blondes and the girls I was supposed to be doing well with also reject me hard but I guess I never took it the same way.

As the night neared, I approached this dark haired girl in a black dress at the club. We chatted for a bit but she was really on some drugs and drunk. I even smelled her breath, it smelled like vomit which does suck since she was hot. My Indian friend however was making out thirty minutes later with this curly haired brunette with tanned skin.

I loved that emotional beatdown, let’s go again!

The night did end without me taking a girl home and that rejection from those two dark haired girls at the bar hurt pretty bad. I had not felt that kind of sting from a rejection and I know it hurt because that was my type. A part of me, I guess the competitor in me, wanted more so I readied up for Saturday.

I walk into a club and make small talk with a blonde that had approached me, it was a good warm up. The blonde was cute and later on, she had to go home. About thirty minutes later, I see this Irina Shayk lookalike and as I get closer to approaching her, I start feeling the goosebumps. I smile because I loved that I was in that emotional state where I know a rejection could crush me.

Now I do approach the girl, she was apparently Brazilian, and we have a nice chat. She is attentive and receptive to my advances but her friends join in from the bar minutes later. Needless to say, her two friends look fucking hideous. Both are short, kinda chubby, and are trying to ruin the vibe. The girl is also visiting and not living in the city so I bail.

I know I did some approaches here and there but ended my night approaching this tanned girl with black hair, a chiseled face, and athletic body. Right now, the closest lookalike I can think of is pornstar Lezley Zen (yeahh…NSFW but look her up if you are at home). The girl’s name, oddly, was Alexis and she was a southern girl from Arkansas. Alexis told me she has some Native American in her and Italian as well mixed with other stuff but she was just my type. After thirty minutes of chatting, we make out and luckily for me, her friends are alright with it.

Now I chat with her friends while she is sitting on my lap, they involve a couple and a gay guy. After some chit chat, they trust me enough around Alexis and I manage to pull her home. I have to say, it was some of the best sex I had that year.

Let’s get this ball rolling.

I go out with my Asian wing one night and it is getting past midnight for the time being. Right next to me at the bar is this woman with black hair, a light tan, fit body and blue eyes. I chat her up, she is visiting the country from Italy and is in her thirties, I must say she either got the best plastic surgery or aged like fine wine. My Asian wing is chatting up these two brunettes across the bar who seem to be into him as I get going with the Italian lady.

Immediately, from the way she touched me as I leaned into her, I know she wanted a nice fuck. I grab her ass as I wait for my drink and we lightly start making out. Just the way she touched me got me hard. Fortunately for me, she was staying in the hotel the venue was in so it didn’t take long after some chatter for me to go for the close and sleep with her in her hotel room. The lady tells me after fucking how she hates her marriage back home and traveling is such a good release, I hope I never run into her again for my own safety…

After that, I slept with various women who had the look of my type (dark hair, olive skin, and white). I don’t even know if my laycount was lower to be honest but I know I got more than I could handle without sacrificing that much on quality.

Was it really worth it though?

So the question comes in, was it worth it for me to give up easy lays from women who are automatically into me because of my look and go for women who are potentially not as into my look? The answer from my end is a resounding yes.

I still cannot figure out why I rarely matched with olive skin brunettes on dating apps but in terms of going out, it was a fun challenge. Given that I was pursuing women who were my type and girls who were supposedly not that into my look (since you know, I might remind them of their brother or family), it did mess with my emotions a bit. I could approach a blonde supermodel and get rejected, only to laugh it off and think little of it. Meanwhile, if a young Irina Shayk lookalike did that to me, I would have been crushed. Somehow, that fear gave me a chance for some emotional growth.

The next thing is, it felt fulfilling to me given the experiences I had. I remember when I had the Italian cougar riding my cock in her hotel room how great it felt given how an Italian woman (the teacher I told you about) almost singlehandedly ruined my youth for years. In a way, I could almost see my teacher pulling her hair out seeing me fuck a prettier version of her.

Then, there was that arousal that came from some kind of a forbidden fruit or being different effect. I know that when a woman who comes from a country like Italy or Spain where blond hair blue eyed people are worshiped and sleeps with a darker guy, it’s like you are playing spoiler. One of my friends is a Mexican guy who was sleeping with an Italian, Spaniard, and Albanian woman on rotation. The Italian woman even said after fucking him how she would be dead if her family found out she was fucking a Mexican and then laughed about it.

Most of all, it was the growth.

I have to say, there comes a certain growth in your game and mindset when you get with women you are not supposedly not be able to get with. Sure, you can coast through life with easy wins but eventually, you’ll always get bored of the game. Often times, I find that weak men go for women they are not into but are into them because they are trying to protect a delicate ego.

There is a difference here though.

If you go for women who is your type and your type happens to be the very type that is into you, you’re just a damn lucky guy. If on the other hand you go for women who are not your top preference but want to do so because it is easy for you, then it depends on how you approach going after women who are your preference. If you actively avoid going after your type and even hold toxic views of them (like I used to with my type), then you are a weak guy.

In my view, at some point, every guy needs to invest the time into going after the very types of women he wants. Now this can vary a great deal as well depending on the guy and how he defines the types. For example, for some men it is less about ethnic appearance and more about niche. Some guys may want to date party girls even though they were never able to get them, it might mean something to them. My advice is to put time aside and go for the very women that are your type.

For me, I always fell for the Salma Hayeks and Penelope Cruz even when I was younger but never really had a good reception with them in my youth. I naturally had a thing for dark haired and olive skinned brunettes so my type was going to be what I mentioned. Having success with the kinds of women you want to have success with will bring you a special kind of happiness that other things in game just cannot rival, especially if you struggled with them at some point.

2 thoughts on “Should you go for the women you want or the women that want you?

  1. Enrique should just be himself, it might be a little bit more work to it but if it’s the exotic latina but common to him it will be worth it in the long run. Take from a gentleman who has been in long term and short term relationships, it’s the one’s that take the effort that always are the one’s that you will be happiest with.

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