In my last post, I posed a question about whether men should go for women who are naturally going to be into them (even if the women are not their type) or go for their “type” even if their “type” does not consider them to be a top option. For those of you who have been following me for a while, you know I advocated for why you should stop having a type as well. At some point though, I did kind of think of my experience and had an epiphany.
You guys know my predicament, as a guy with dark hair who tans easily, I tend to be a hit with natural blondes and pale girls. My type is more Penelope Cruz or Salma Hayek, those kinds of women prefer not to go for men who could look similar to their brothers. For a while, even after my success, I thought that I would have been better not having a “type” and listening to the law of power which says you should disdain that which you cannot have. When I really had the time to think on it, I do not regret chasing my type at all for a period of time, it definitely taught me some lessons.
You realize that while social biases do play a role, your reaction and mindset figures into it as well.
Yes, due to how the social situation is in some countries, women will prefer the Nazi Aryan ideal. One of my friends from the Mediterranean told me how the people in the region hate being tanned and dark haired so much that being a blond is a blessing from God there. As you can guess, if you are not white, it is going to be tough sledding scoring in that place.
While this might be true, the way you react to it plays a role as well. Yes, based on their cultural background and nationality, women from some places will view darker skinned men as animals or just lower status. While such prejudice does exist, and is common in certain groups, that doesn’t mean you cannot have an impact on the outcome. The way you react and conduct yourself can actually help you score with women from backgrounds that might initially be prejudiced against you.
You realize that subconsciously, you were more emotionally invested which led to you having a confirmation bias or a poor mindset.
I remember getting harsh rejections from hot blondes and it barely registered in my head, I laughed it off. The reason is, because I did not have a thing for hot blondes at the time. Meanwhile, the same rejection from an Irina Shayk lookalike would have killed me on the inside a bit, because that was my type. Somehow, we get more emotionally invested when we go for the kinds of women we value which leads to us trying harder.
Women are excellent at reading emotions, even better than men are. I think this is why I started doing well with hot blondes right when I stopped wanting them, there was just something to this. The next time you have a confirmation bias or toxic views towards women who are your “type”, think how objective you are being and how your emotions are overwhelming you.
It is not as black and white (pun kinda intended) as you would think.
The game does not work in absolutes, it works in varying degrees. Sure, some Wilmer Valderrama lookalike might struggle with women in Spain compared to some Aryan ideal since Spain and the Mediterranean are probably the worst places in Europe for darker skinned guys, but even then it varies. Do not think of it in absolutes of 100% and 0%. In reality, it goes more 60:40 or in the worst case scenario 70:30.
One way to think about it if you are an American that knows politics is look at the electoral college and see how it breaks down every election. Sure, around 60% of Alabama will always vote for the far right Republican candidate but even when, around 40% of Alabama is voting Democrat. In other words, even from groups that are supposed to hate your appearance, you will find thousands if not millions of women who are open to getting with a man of your look (even if they might not be in the majority).
I have had black friends who got with southern belles that came from racist families. One of my Arabian friends took home this beautiful girl from Spain one summer and a couple weeks later went to town on this sexy Italian girl on vacation, the reason I mention this is because both countries absolutely hate Arabs and Islam. A friend of mines who is Mexican fucked a California blonde from Huntington Beach on vacation, the place is very hostile towards Hispanics. It’s all an area that is shaded grey.
At the end of the day, people are people, as generic as it sounds.
One girl I used to regularly hookup with was a dark haired and olive-skinned brunette from California, she was of Italian background. We share our social media pages and she shows me a picture of her high school boyfriend, a black football player. In college, she ends up dating this Latino guy and even dated a Korean guy. Now while anyone who has been around a lot of Italians know this is odd and very taboo, she was different.
At the end of the day, people are still people and you will find many who deviate from stereotypes. I used to sleep with this one Punjabi girl who was hot and had a thing for black guys. One other girl I knew was a Korean American medical student who was sexy and loved rap music and black men. I’ve known a Trump loving blonde from Ohio who thinks Asian men are sexy. You just never know until you get to know some people.
It is a tough game to play though because on one hand, you have to be practical. For example, an educated Jewish girl born and raised in Manhattan to a wealthy family is far more likely to be open minded towards minorities compared to some Italian girl raised in Staten Island whose dad is probably a Neo-Nazi. Even then, learn to read people and sense their vibes.
You realize that your “type” might be a bigger group than you initially think, especially if you are basing it on looks.
I know my type were hot white girls with dark hair and olive skin, for a while I thought this meant women mainly from places like Spain, Portugal, and Italy. Well, I realized that my southern upbringing left me quite naive on this regard. The look I was crazy for was commonly found in Eastern European women, Russian women, and surprisingly (thought not as commonly) in Irish, English, German, French, and in some cases even Dutch and Scandinavian women. It feels great knowing that as a guy with a thing for tanned brunettes, I have a lot of options.
Similarly, even if a guy likes girls with glasses and nice bodies, he can find that look in a lot of places as well. You realize that as you go out more, your “type” ends up being more spread out and varying more than you would think.
Some kinds of women are just tough for everyone, including guys you think are supposed to do well with them.
When I was in college, I thought that frat guys had it easy with the blonde bombshell types. I realized that I was being naive and that this wasn’t exactly the case. After being around enough fraternity guys, I found that it was really only the best looking, most charismatic, and the most popular ones who got with the blonde bombshell type. In other words, you just had to be all around a high quality guy to have some regular success with them.
If your type is the type that is very high in demand, even the men who are supposed to be doing well with them are going to struggle. For some kinds of women, their standards are just really high. If you want to date an NFL Cheerleader, Victoria Secret Supermodel, or some socialite with good looks; you better be bringing a lot to the table regardless of your background.
You’ll lose so much hatred and bitterness as a result of you have been failing with your type.
You can succeed with women but if you do not succeed with the kinds of women you want to succeed with, it is still possible to be a bitter guy. As I said in my story, I slept with hot blondes, hot black girls, hot redheads, and even a hot Indian woman and it felt great at the time being. Deep inside though, I heard my longing from adolescence of that Salma Hayek lookalike who life did not throw on my lap as readily.
The lack of contact with the type along with my bad experiences growing up (aka the psychotic Italian teacher in school who had it out for me for some reason) made me bitter towards certain kinds of women. I even remember crossing paths with a Gal Gadot lookalike who had spilled her groceries, fruits rolling everywhere on the street, and never bothering to help her.
That one night when I took home the Italian cougar and fucked her in her hotel room, I could feel the bitterness leave me as she rode me. In a way, it felt like an exorcism where I heard my psycho Italian teacher from my youth yelling like a Satanic spirit (would not surprise me if she is capable of that) as that bitterness left my body. If you ever have any bigotry or hatred towards any group in your heart, I say go attract and fuck their women, it will be hard to be hateful.
But you will always want what you can’t have.
When I had a thing for hot blondes, I could not get one to save my life. I remember having toxic and limiting beliefs about the hot blonde bombshell, how they do not like anything other than the All American Frat boy. Lo and behold, years down the road, I got to a point where I was not into them anymore and had a new type. Somehow, the universe threw so many cute blondes my way (dating apps for one) that I had to beat them off with a stick (figuratively speaking). Now somehow, all evidence pointed to how hot blondes love men that look like me so much.
Meanwhile, now that I somehow managed to get with a lot of sexy olive skinned brunettes, the universe is sending me different messages. I just happen to match more with the Emily Ratajkowski lookalikes than I would have years back. Somehow, my friends with a darker appearance just happened to pull more Irina Shayk lookalikes back home for the night or end up dating one.
Now for my other fear, my “type” somehow changes in 2021 and this whole cycle repeats yet again.