inner game · self-improvement

Five lessons I’ve learned after five years of dating.

I remember around the 2015 to 2016 time frame when my dating life really took off in a big way. Matches were happening a lot more often on dating apps and after losing some weight to get in the best shape of my life, I actually had better luck at bars and nightclubs. As 2020 ended and I reflected back on the past five years, I thought of the lessons I’ve learned. To be honest, I learned way more than five lessons so it was tough for me to condense it down to just five. Here is my best take.

Once you start to attract a lot of women in your life, you’ll start to actually realize why they do what they do to men.

She didn’t take two days to text you back because it is a shit-test or some game she was playing, at least not always, maybe she was genuinely busy. She didn’t reject you at the bar because you she is a cold-hearted bitch who takes pleasure in destroying the confidence of men, she did it because maybe you were drunk and off your game.

She didn’t pick the hotter and more popular guy because of hypergamy, she picked the hotter and more popular guy because if you had an option between her and the hotter and more popular girl, you’d go with the latter yourself.

In other words, you start to realize that while women are different, they are not really that different. You start to realize that as the game shifts more in your favor, you start to take forever to text her back because you are too busy deciding which woman you want. You start to live with the fact that you have hurt someone’s feelings because you picked a hotter and more popular girl over her.

The biggest litmus test to see how truly successful you have become with women and game is how much harder it becomes for you to relate to the doom and gloom incel crap about girls. I do not completely deny the validity of the red pill but I do think it applies more to human nature as a whole than just women themselves. In other words, you’ll start to see their perspective more too.

Sure, there will always be that one crazy bitch that just makes no sense but don’t we guys have our wackos too?

You will always want what you can’t have (or think you can’t have).

You seem to attract a lot of blondes left to right, your life is full of them and they come to you in an instant. You could go to Sweden or Denmark right now and probably have half of the country itching to date you, or half the women in the country who are single at least. Yet, you want the Salma Hayek or Megan Fox lookalike.

Maybe you are on the opposite end and seem to get the dark haired olive skinned brunettes, they are so into you. Then, come to realize, you find yourself itching for something different. Anything that is easy to get, even if hot, will somehow deep down make you not respect it as much or just get bored of it.

I remember when my younger self would attract Latin looking women and tanned brunettes in droves, maybe even some pale brunettes with lighter eyes, but I was crazy for blondes. Come to think of it, I seemed to struggle with blondes more than any other kinds of women at the time. Then as I moved up north, my luck turned around with hot blonde women and now I am not that into them anymore, finding myself wanting a Latina or Megan Fox lookalike. You can probably guess what I struggle with the most now right?

Sometimes, the best thing to do is realize this and not let it overwhelm you. As far as I know, it could just be a me thing. The same goes for life in general, the DJ at a strip club wishes he had the stability of a corporate job while the corporate drone wishes his life was “more exciting”.

You don’t lose when you end up in an unideal situation, you lose when you become bitter and negative due to it.

You don’t lose when a girl rejects you, you lose when you let that rejection turn you bitter towards women in general. You don’t lose when a girl cheats on you or screws you over, you lose when you let it get you to the point where you are bitter towards women and dating in general. You lose when you let yourself lose on the inside.

Say you get rejected at a bar and it is probably a brutal rejection in front of many people, it hurts. You lose when you make no more approaches that night and instead decide to let that rejection make you bitter. You win when you go out and make more approaches with a smile on your face, some turning into good experiences with women.

In the end, there is no freeing feeling than knowing that only you can let yourself be defeated. At the same time, only you can lift yourself out of the ashes to something even greater. With relationships, you ultimately decide how much they can hurt you or make you happy.

You didn’t lose because your ex cheated on your, you lost because you let it emotionally crush you to the point of taking all life out of you.

The guys who brag or talk most about it are usually over-inflating their success, they are usually not that successful.

The “game” experts and social psychology geniuses who seem to understand all there is to understand about women? These guys are not nearly as successful as they may make themselves appear to be. I have found that often time, with knowledge you don’t necessarily get more power, you just get bitterness. Sometimes, ignorance is truly bliss.

A guy who knows little or just enough is usually in a better state of mind to approach beautiful women as opposed to the guy who knows all of the “dark truths of female nature” whose mind is too bogged down by negativity to approach. I take pride in knowing that if I was to argue female nature in some debate, I’d lose because I wouldn’t even want to bother with it.

While I cannot debate or argue psychology with some red pill sage, I know that I can go out on a Saturday night when things start to get back to normal and be in a better place. People would want to be around me and women will want to spend time with me because I am not basing my ego off of knowing. Maybe this is why they say that sometimes, “those who can’t do, teach”.

Maybe it is insecurity, they say the loudest man in the room is the weakest man in the room. Maybe not having enough of it gets you obsessed with it while getting a lot of it makes you take it for granted, almost getting bored of it.

Most of the men I knew who seemed to be the type taking home a different girl every week were very subtle. A lot of these men were even clueless about game or pretended to not know much. Rarely have I met a guy who is living the Don Jon lifestyle and yet seems to be the game philosopher you took so much of your advice from.

Being truly in love will show you how emotionally weak you may be, do with that what you will.

Yeah, you were this hard and cold bad boy right? Well, when the situation involved playing Call Of Duty by yourself on a Friday night and not having a woman in your life you cared about, you probably were. If you are like some men in the younger generation, maybe you skipped the dating and relationship phase in your youth (more common than you think these days).

Even if you “dated” a girl, maybe you never really care for her, you dated because you felt like you had to. Then, that special someone came along, probably when you least expected it too. You were this cold, careless, and emotionally detached soul but she won you over. Then maybe life got in the way or perhaps, you found out that you were not that much like John Wick. You realized that you had been missing that special connection and all of those hidden insecurities and weaknesses came to the surface.

You don’t want to lose her. You thought you had “game” but damn you get insecure when other men make a move on here. You thought you had an “abundance mentality” but you were thinking all night about what other guys she could be texting and spending time with.

What if I told you that despite all your knowledge of “game” and the “red pill”, once you have that special girl come into your life who just hits your emotions differently, that you are going to be that very guy you said you would never be? Maybe you turn clingy for her, she occupies too much space in your head, and make all of the mistakes the experts told you not to make with her. Emotions got the better of you, what can you do with that? On one hand, there is the humanity in you that led to that but on the other, you weren’t as cold or composed as you thought.

As painful as it may be, I recommend all men go through this type of a relationship with that one woman that just emotionally got to them, you’ve never truly lived and tested your emotional frame until you have.

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