“Hell yeah baby, go!” said some random loud younger guy at a bar.
Things have slowly started to reopen here in the city and I was out not that long ago. I remember the guy had on the hat for my alma mater and I could only think back to how things have changed for me in a span of less than about three years.
I remember, as a social outcast in college, wanting to fit in with my alma mater and the crowd there. I used to identify so much with it and quite frankly, secretly wanted that acceptance from the crowd which had the sorority girls and well-connected frat boys in it. When I was in Atlanta, I really felt it. Then I moved to NYC and something in me changed, something I could not easily point to. It’s like when I saw what I saw, that desire in me to fit in was gone.
“Where’d you go to school buddy?” the guy asks.
“Uh me? I went to Occidental College,” I replied, even though I didn’t.
“Is that like one of them dental schools?” he asked.
“Kinda,” I replied.
The conversation died there, I had no interest in really speaking with him. Then I saw three more people come in and recognized one kid, he was definitely what seemed to be a well-connected fraternity guy back in my college days. Old me would have tried to chat with him and wondered how he ended up in NYC, now I barely cared.
Maybe its NYC.
I call it the City Of Abundance, something I completely made up but what I feel is a fitting nickname. Ever since moving here, I’ve made friends with so many rich kids and dated so many cute girls that quite frankly, I just got jaded. When you are getting with some former sorority girl from one of the hottest sororities in the entire country and have friends who are wealthy New England kids, you kind of get to a new level of elite perhaps? Now the wealthy southerner just kind of seems like, well, one of those southerners to you.
Perhaps that’s the snob in me that still remains, he just found a higher rung on the ladder to climb.
Or maybe, I just found that I don’t really need any of that.
At some point, I stopped trying to seek approval. I realized that I had it in me to build a life so great that others will want to feed off of what I have and others would want to be a part of it and frankly, they were. I realized that on my own, I had more than what it took to make good friends, meet amazing women, and have a hell of a party that very little mattered.
I didn’t have to belong to any social group or any social crew anymore, it was up to the crew to find me and they did.
I could go out by myself and walk out having made some cool friends and having met some awesome women. Such is the privilege of living in NYC, there are so many great amazing people to be found when out that these social cliques who’d have a monopoly in a southern city are no longer there.
This oddly had more of these sorts of people coming into my life.
It is when you least want something or someone that they most want to break into your life and be a part of it. Through just going out, I came across some guy named Brett who was an SMU grad from a wealthy family in Dallas. We randomly stumbled across each other recently and he even called me out to a house party that him and his fellow alumni were having.
Out of kindness, I went with some booze but I was not feeling it. I interacted with the people there and some of the girls were kind of cute, they do say SMU has a lot of beautiful women. Yet, given the talent in NYC, they didn’t seem to stick out that much to me anymore. I seemed to notice this one tanned brunette with a volleyball player who was giving me a lot of signs but I had a date later on that night too so I played it easy, only letting her follow me on IG.
I left my booze for everyone and after an hour, just bounced.
What happened to me?
The old me would have killed for that social experience but the new me? I was overwhelmed by abundance of this great city. I felt like there was something, as much as I hate to use the word, better for me out there.
I didn’t care to be accepted by these people or quite frankly, anyone anymore. I had my life and I felt like that was good enough.
I knew I could get dates and meet quality women through so many avenues, I didn’t really need a social circle.
I just felt that now I could go out and meet some cool friend whether at a bar, through hobbies, or through anything really. I didn’t have to commit to some old social circle and fear losing people anymore.
I felt like whatever life I wanted regarding women and friends, it was there for the taking and there were so many ways to get it. I just felt like there were too many quality people to meet for me to confine myself to any group.
Do I feel like I’ve gotten redemption? Is that it? I used to think that way but not really.
Do I feel that I am above those same people I used to want to fit in with? Maybe but I know that’s not the driver.
Maybe I feel like life is too short to seek approval from any one group, maybe it is true what they say, build it and they will come.