I am usually the last kind of guy to go “blue pill” on everyone because I do think that things like looks, genetics, and being a quality guy on paper matter a lot. You will never see me preaching about how “game” can solve all of your issues with dating, but I wanted to share an epiphany I had.
See, I used to compare myself to other men on paper too, a bit too much really.
Am I tall enough?
Do I fit the ideal more than the other guy?
Do I look close enough to some famous actor?
Is my face handsome enough?
The list goes on. These are the very questions so many young men who don’t have much dating experience ask. It is all too common for young men to compare themselves to the ideal and see how they stack up. A more extreme example of this are incel forums where people worship male models and swear women do not want anything other than that.
I used to be like that to a degree.
I used to wonder, even when I was with a cute girl, what if I am not really her type?
What if her type was here?
What if all the women are out there chasing their “type” which I am not?
And it can be something that leaves you a bit unfulfilled even if you do get her attention.
You only got “lucky”.
You would have never got her if there was a better guy around.
You had to have a lot of luck fall in your favor for this to happen.
It would have been so much easier for someone who fits the ideal.
So…now you can’t even enjoy the success you have had because you were too in your head from it all. It is a tough cycle to break out of mentally and it just pummels your confidence.
Here is the truth, you’ll never be good enough.
Six figures, tall, handsome, and socially well-connected? Doesn’t matter, she can find a millionaire who is taller and better looking.
You have charisma? Doesn’t matter, she can find a celebrity if she wanted.
You have fame? She can find someone more famous and relevant.
That is the endless negative feedback loop you go down and it is not a fun place to be. You will always feel worthless and even if you do have success with dating, it won’t mean anything because you are going to envy the men who have it easier.
But, showing up is a big part of success in dating and in life.
One thing almost all men who have success in dating have in life, they show up. They are showing up on dating apps with their best look out there. They are showing up in group classes and putting themselves in front of others. They are putting themselves in social events and situations where women are likely to notice them or at least see them.
Think about this scenario which is all too common.
A guy has a lot of potential with genetics being in his favor and maybe if you got to know him, he is a very charismatic guy too. Yet, he is stuck in the middle of bumfuck nowhere in a town where people get married by twenty-five and never branch out of their high school circles.
Compare him to a guy who is not as good looking or as charismatic but happens to be in a favorable city surrounded by people looking to explore more out of life. Unless the gap is very huge between the two, the second guy always wins compared to the first.
And usually, it is not the guy on paper who is best that ends up with the success, in dating or in life.
You want someone to envy? Envy the guy who was in the right place at the right time. Envy the guy who is not all that on paper but somehow still ends up with the finer things in life. Improve yourself the best you can but then try to be that guy after a certain point.
See that’s the error in the way sheltered guys, incels, and people without much life experience think about, well, things. It is that very “well he was supposed to get it” mindset that leads to their failure because they think that dating, just like life, is really straightforward.
No, there are incompetent people that end up in prestigious places quite often, it happens more than you could ever imagine. There are plenty of plain average guys or guys without that much going for them who end up with women out of their league quite often.
All too often, the guys who deserved the success on paper never get it due to circumstance and well, plain dumb luck.
And that is where the true winners shine, they appreciate the role of luck and make the most of it.
The guys who are crying about facial aesthetics and comparing which male model is hotter than the other are the ones who end up spending the rest of their days on incel forums. Ironically, the few who do have good genes take themselves out of the game entirely and see it below them to work for anything in dating.
Meanwhile, it is the guys who leave their egos at the door and appreciate the role of luck that win big. It is the guys who are willing to admit to themselves that even if they are not the Channing Tatums of the world, they can still get whatever they want from life and dating but putting themselves in the best situations.
Most of all, they can appreciate the situation once the success happens.
They don’t get jealous all the time when they do get the girl and continue to set themselves up for more success. Instead, they enjoy the moment and let many other good moments come.