You were supposed to get that promotion, supposed to see your date, and supposed to have that awesome vacation that you have been planning for a while. You thought you had paid your dues, did everything right, and been the best you could be. In the game of life, maybe a lot of things went your way and you were doing better than the average.
Maybe this comes off as a pure motivational post, I don’t really care here.
Until, the bad news comes.
That promotion gets delayed because certain people hated the idea of you getting moved up.
That date flakes because well, she is a flake.
You make a post on social media and no one likes it.
That one guy you know for a fact is a total scumbag, well he has all the great things happening to him in life.
That girl you had a thing for? She hooked up with that one guy who was either your rival or you really hated.
Hell, you get called into the office and well? You’re laid off.
That job you wanted? Got to the final rounds of the interview and you didn’t make the cut.
So you put your head down, maybe your AirPods in, and you walk around all slumped over. You listen to a sad song or maybe you just pout. Everything that you were working on goes on pause and you lay around all depressed with what has happened. Just like that, your life mostly shuts down as you take it all in, it just hits too hard. Even if you are not just depressed, your mind is just so heavily occupied by it.
I know, because I have been hit with a lot of bad news at the start of 2021.
For a while, I could barely find time to do much because life overwhelmed me, which explains why you have not seen as many posts from me. I felt overwhelmed and too in my emotions to put up content and carry on with my day to day. So much uncertainty, losses, and bad news that I almost gave out and barely gave it my best on a given day.
It was too much.
When you feel like no one is in your corner and that all the signs are crying for you to throw in the towel, it is tough to get going and give it your all. In fact, it feels so deflating to know that all the events that have transpired have led to life telling you to not even try.
And that is where things start to get interesting and the world starts to judge.
Not sure about all of my readers but I watch sports, a lot of sports. One of my favorite games of all time is when Tom Brady led the Patriots back against the Falcons in the Super Bowl in what is the biggest comeback of all time in the event. Being in Atlanta at the time due to having family there, I smiled in joy at how the smug look in the locals (which is all too common there) got wiped off of their faces.
But that in and of itself defines who Tom Brady is and why he is the best to play the game.
When other quarterbacks and athletes who are great, say rival Peyton Manning, get hit with a large deficit, they fold.
And that is when you really lose, when you lose inside of yourself and stop doing. When the fight in you goes off.
To make it less motivational and more game-oriented though…
You are out at a bar and approach this cute girl. You are one of the very few men to do it so props to you.
You say what you have to say and you are likely nervous doing so because she is hot and well, you are doing something that in most places is still somewhat taboo. You are being that sleazy guy approaching randoms according to society. You should be sticking to your own crew and not socializing.
Then, a roadblock comes in the way, a shit-test.
Maybe she says something to test your mantle.
Maybe her uglier friend steps in to be rude to you.
Maybe some random guy intervenes.
Then, like most men, you give up and panic. If you are anything like me, you even walk away and excuse yourself. Now that is the problem, because you are fearful. You are shameful and you listen to society too much, the voices are ringing loudly in your head.
“Don’t approach her”
“Don’t talk to random women at bars”
“Don’t drink, you have church on Sundays and Jesus would be mad at you for it” (for all Southerners reading this, you know its true)
“Shouldn’t you be focusing more on marriage and kids at the age of 25?”
They bark loudly in your head and you cave, you give up, and the downward spiral begins.
Bad news in life are kind of the same way.
Your business idea fails, now you get to tell yourself to give up and never start a business again.
That beautiful girl you dated dumps you or even cheats on you, now you think all beautiful women are evil harpies and sacrifice on standards.
That dream job you had fires you, now you think it is not worth it to go after that dream job anymore.
Those goals you had of being more popular on social media take a nosedive as no one likes your posts, now you decide to hate on social media.
There is this correlation I have seen in guys who succeed at game and those who frankly fail at it. The ones who succeed have this ability to take the bad news and keep on going. These guys will go out after bad news, keep a cool head, and still do well.
Why is this?
Perhaps they care less of not just the outcome, but how others feel about the outcome.
It is not always losing the dream job that hurts, it is what others will think of you for it that does.
It is not always having a hot girl dump you that sucks, it is how much of a laughing stock you will be to the world once they see how she left you.
It is that worry deep inside of you of the way you will be perceived by the world for your failure that hurts more than the failure itself. Now this is why I feel that guys who tend to care so much about how others see them or perceive them hit a ceiling earlier when it comes to doing well with women and quite frankly, even life to some degree. It is not that they are not capable, it is that they are afraid of shame.
Bad news in life are the best shit tests because they give you choices.
You either change the gameplan to go for what you always wanted.
You keep sticking to the gameplan to go for what you want.
Or you give up altogether on what you always wanted.
The way you approach things will determine your ceiling.