dating · inner game · mindset · reflection · self-improvement

gratitude will save your dating life

I have a very bad habit which, while it has led me to a lot of pain, has also somehow helped me build a great dating life for myself.

The truth is, when it comes to women, I am an ungrateful piece of shit and have been for the longest of times. I could be doing well with one kind of girl who is beautiful but then want another kind of girl who I may not be doing as well with. No matter what, I was for the longest time an unsatisfied person.

For a while, I just accepted it and even took it as a blessing. It was a tricky situation because my constant dissatisfaction with my dating life caused me to continue to get better and continue to be my best self. I didn’t really want to change it because I took it as a blessing in disguise.

Well it was, to a degree…

If I had not been ungrateful or tried to improve, I would have likely joined a church and gotten married by 25. I would have probably not moved to NYC and lived the wild crazy dating life I have lived. I attribute my ungrateful attitude and never being satisfied to a lot of my success in life.

But after a while, you have to be able to enjoy that success….

You have to be able to enjoy a date with that above average looking girl instead of thinking that you should be with a supermodel. You have to be able to enjoy going on a date or two a week instead of fantasizing about living like Dan Bilzerian. If you don’t, then you miss out on the experiences that make life worth living (as cheesy as that sounds).

It is not just about being on a date with a cute girl, it is about experiencing that date and all of the emotions that come with it. It is about having your head in that date and not looking for the next thing in that moment.

After a point, you become the guy who is not satisfied with anything and it rubs off on others around you. Ironically, that ungrateful and eventually toxic attitude puts a quick ceiling on your success and stops you from getting to where you eventually want to get to.

It is particularly common in the kinds of men likely to find a site like this.

If you were the type A overachiever or the kind of guy who is likely to find this site or the pickup movement, being ungrateful comes naturally to you. In fact, you probably made it out of whatever shitty situation you were in (or are on your way to) and broke the mold because of it.

In guys who are successful on paper and have the drive to get that high paying job, this trait is common. That unsatisfied drive to keep going for more is actually a gift which gets you where you want to be.

But then, you get there, and you realize that you are not happy there and the cycle continues. You get to that party with hot girls because you worked on yourself for long enough to get to that point but, you realize that you cannot enjoy it. The pent up frustration or just the need to make it as perfect as possible makes you the kind of guy who is not too fun at parties.

And it is exactly in that moment when being an ungrateful piece of shit stunts you, in a serious way really.

Ungratefulness turns into bitterness and bitterness turns into a low ceiling for success. People pick up on your poor attitude and the bad vibes you give off which in turn sets off alarm bells in the heads of the people you want in your life, particularly hot girls. Ever wonder why you see mediocre guys get with women out of their leagues and it makes no sense? It is because even if he is a very high value guy, women with options do not like to be around dry men.

The other way ungratefulness and bitterness eventually kill you? You start being less fun in bed. It is tough to get hard when you are constantly anxious, miserable, and upset all the time. No seriously, try getting a boner when you are outrageously pissed off, it is going to be hard (pun intended) to do.

After all, why did you do all of this?

Validation?

To get even with people who told you that you would amount to nothing?

Well, even if you do get that, if it makes you miserable then those who doubted you still sleep easier at night.

You missed the point behind all of the success, it was not to try to cover up that wound from the past. The point was to open up that wound and fix it.

After a while, it is good to enjoy the victory for the given time and then move on. It is one of the tougher things to do when it comes to inner game because of the paradox. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

Appreciate your current success too much and you risk being complacent. Move on to the next thing and keep seeing imperfections in your success, you risk being an ungrateful piece of shit. So how do you successfully practice gratitude?

Stay tuned for the next post.

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