An unfortunate truth you start to realize after trying to help guys better their station in life is that, well, not all men are going to make it. You can spend so much energy and effort on some guys in trying to help them improve but at the end, your time will usually end up being wasted.
While dating advice and life advice in general can benefit a great deal of men out there who may just be lost, there are those who just do not get it. Such men can easily become toxic to everyone you are trying to help and potentially even ruin you. As Robert Greene says, avoid the unhappy and the unlucky.
I’d say that in a lot of situations, these men might comprise of about 20% of guys in a given sample size. I just made that number up, maybe it is slightly more or less but it is no doubt a decent amount. The rest will be men who just need guidance, men who have it figured out, or men who might need more coaching than usual but are coachable.
You do need to be patient when helping men because quite frankly, it is a long process. A lot of us accumulate so much trauma throughout our lives that you cannot expect things to change overnight. If a guy doesn’t get it, keep on coaching and working with him. Yet, there are instances where it is just not worth your time to help certain men.
Overtime though, I have observed common themes in men that I determined would just not be worth the effort to save and coach. I have realized that when they show these traits and signs, it might be time for me or anyone to bail.
So what are the signs that a guy is beyond saving? What do they all have in common?
He spends a lot of his time gossiping and digging up dirt on other men.
You will find this character lurking internet forums a decent amount and he will usually be the one to “doxx” people (give away their personal info to the public so they can be miserable). I would go as far as to say that as soon as you get a guy who shows this type of tendency, immediately drop him.
Such men have no interest in improving anything about their lives, it makes them bitter to see others succeed. To them, the satisfaction is in seeing the ruin of other men. Their own lives are such a mess that they do not even pay much attention to it.
In many ways, these guys have given up on themselves and know they are not going to accomplish much of value, so why not drag down the other guy?
Moreso than any other kind of guy I will list out, this one is beyond help, avoid him at all costs. If you can, see if you can have some dirt on him yourself in case you need to play defense and show his true character if he is targeting you.
I would also venture to say that this kind of guy is probably the most dangerous one in the whole list too, be careful.
They are genuinely hateful and bitter guys.
Racists, sexist, you name it. These men have a lot of hate in their hearts and prejudice towards different groups of people. On one hand, I do admit that I am not the most liberal and tolerant person in the world and yes, I may view certain cultures in a negative light. Despite all that, I do not waste my energy spreading bad vibes about certain groups because of my prejudice.
Now these guys? They are all out. Every conversation is about this anger and hatred they have. In today’s society, this can get you in some serious trouble in public.
Occasionally, you will run into racist guys who do well with women. Most of the times though, they are not spending their entire time voicing conspiracy theories.
They are just ungodly cynical and negative.
Life sucks, it has always sucked, and it will suck. While such guys might occasionally find a niche, most of the times, they are a drag. In fact, these men are the ones who wince at the sign of the smallest struggle and of the most minor roadblocks. Just talking to these people will leave you drained because no matter what you do, they will always be negative people.
No one needs to be happy all the time, it is human to be sad. The reality is though, people endure through some tough times in life and still keep their heads up. For some spoiled middle-class kid to be so negative despite having more than 99% of the world? Unacceptable, abandon this guy.
They think they already have all the answers.
He will tell you what kind of guys all girls like, despite never having been with many before.
He will tell you that all women are prejudiced and shallow, arguing that point to death.
He will tell you how the game actually is, despite never having succeeded before.
He just won’t listen and instead, every discussion is a debate where he has to outshine you.
Let him be “right”, eventually, life will show him how foolish he is when the years have passed and his chance for pursuing what he wanted has faded.
He has too many outside influences stopping him and he does nothing about them.
He lives with his overbearing parents because it saves money on rent, not knowing how toxic it all is.
He still hangs out with his toxic friends because he does not want to explore new circles.
He still has people in his life holding him back that he refuses to break from.
In this case, just abandon him. Even if he is well-meaning, the other influences closer to him will win over. Only give him a chance if he has proven he is willing to make the sacrifices to break from toxic people.
They’re ungrateful as hell.
You buy them something, they forget about it.
You help them out, they are mean to you the next day.
You offer them so much of your time and energy, they just take it for granted.
You show them the beauty of the world, they rather focus on the negativity of it.
No matter what you do for them, they hate you. They forget about you. They do not remember anything good that people do for them and just forget the kindness that life throws their way.
Don’t be let down by this show of ungratefulness, eventually life will hit these men. Their parents may cut them off, their friends will abandon them, and they will soon start to see the rudeness of the world. Maybe then they will appreciate the kindness and love they were raised around.
They are way too stuck in past glory and think life after that phase will never stack up.
He was “the man” in high school, life after that sucks anyways.
He was the big man on campus, no one cares about life after that.
The early 20s were his prime, it’s all downhill from there.
Life ends after (insert age here).
In some cases, maybe he does genuinely feel that way. No harm no foul, let him feel that way. In most cases though, these guys are insecure and knew that they had a lot of help in other phases of life. Being in a rich private school and on a sports team got them easy status with the few girls in school.
Then the big mean world hit, you had to look good to get matches on dating apps and be interesting enough for women to want to spend time with you. I also left out having made something of your life so women will want to be around you. Nope, too much, might as well say that life ended after high school because for some, it clearly did.
Maybe there is more.
I probably left certain kinds of men out.
I’ve still given you a lot to work with here so make of it what you will. How do I know all of this? Stay tuned for my next post.