As those of you who know my story or have come across it spread across many posts, you know that I was never the popular frat boy type in college or even in any fraternities despite going to a school where it was big. When you go to school down south, Greek Life is about as southern as college football on Saturday and church on Sunday. In other words, you are quite SOL for meeting higher quality women at a southern college campus if you are not in a fraternity, at least in most cases.
In a way, not being in a fraternity just crushed me. For most college-aged men, outside of being a sports star, Greek Life is practically a rich kid’s party club. You practically have parties where girls show up and are there to eventually get with you. In other words it is a rich kid’s play club to meet women and get laid. At some campuses, you cannot even enjoy the party life and hookup culture unless you are in Greek Life. For me, it definitely burned for a while and made me regret life by not being a part of it.
After a couple of years from college, I eventually moved to NYC. The longer I stayed in the city, the less I cared about back home to any degree. Maybe it is because the world is a small place to some degree or perhaps it has to do with fate and karma, home came to me in an odd way. Due to a close friend from work and a guy her sister was dating, I got connected to home in a way.
One night after Happy Hour, I met my coworker’s sister’s boyfriend, a guy named Trevor who seemed to have it made at my Alma Mater. Trevor was an SAE and for any school down south, that is easily one of the top fraternities on campus. Me and Trevor likely crossed paths in college but we never really met each other. We had all heard stories about the SAEs and how the guys in it managed to get the best parties and situations for meeting women.
Me and Trevor make some small talk that night but I was a bit detached, he reminded me of a period of my life I wanted to forget. As I go to get another drink, a really cute brunette and a hot blonde stand next to me. I talk to them and am going for a while as the bartender takes forever. Taking a risk, I get both of their IGs as I wait for my drink.
We play around as they have my phone and are trying to browse through, me laughing as I try to get my phone back. Finally, I grab one of them, it’s the brunette who gives me a seductive look as her blonde friend laughs and pulls her away. I get my phone back and have two new followers, who I follow back obviously. After getting my drink, I head back over and get to the table where Trevor had been looking at me the whole time.
“You do this a lot?” he asked.
“Yeah, glad to be in NYC when I can do it,” I reply.
“Hey man, I agree, its a big world here,” he says.
“Big world, feels small at times, never thought I’d run into someone from the same school as me and we graduate around the same time,” I reply.
“I know, small world feeling big and this city feeling small,” says Trevor.
We have a great conversation and afterwards, we would hang out quite a few more times over the weeks. At some point, Trevor and I grew somewhat close, if I had been less avoidant of what reminded me of the past then it would have been a lot closer. I met some of Trevor’s fraternity brothers in New York and some of them I even winged with, none really had much game other than talking to girls drunk.
At some point, almost a year after knowing Trevor, we had gone out and I had managed to get a few DMs along with one girl who aggressively made out with me. We had ourselves a fun night for sure and it was Trevor with a couple of friends. Afterwards, we crashed at Trevor’s apartment which was big but since it was in Queens, it was more affordable given the area it was in.
“Dude, do you like pull every month or every other week? Some crazy shit man,” says Bryan, Trevor’s close friend.
“Every now and then, it’s not the worst city to try the shit I do in,” I reply.
“I mean, ballsy as fuck but how do you like not get scared of the rejections and all that? You been doing this for a while?” asked Trevor.
“I mean fuck, if I was in a big fraternity in college I wouldn’t have to, I’d have twenty new girls a semester,” I joke, as Trevor and his brothers give each other confused looks. At this point, I am thinking I said something I should not have said.
“I mean, it must be easy for you guys in a fraternity back then compared to the normal dude? Right?” I ask, an awkward silence hits, I am thinking I try to break the ice or change topic.
“Dude but that fucking bouncer ma-…” I said, before being cut off.
“I think the shit was kind of overrated,” said Ryan.
“I thought it was a great club,” I reply.
“No not that, I mean, college in a way,” said Ryan.
“Oh…” I reply, realizing I touched a hornet’s nest here and might need to see my way out.
“Yeah I mean people hype up college life as being the it thing and Greek Life as a saving grace to get pussy but it really isn’t. Most guys get a girl or two and a lot of them just date a girl as opposed to just jumping around,” said Bryan.
“I mean we did have that situation with Sean who got with a couple of KDs and that caused a shitstorm, Sarah wanted everyone from our side away from her sisters and it was just drama after drama. It’s such a small world where word gets around so fast,” said Trevor.
“Yeah you would think it’s easy on the outset, it really isn’t. Most guys get a girlfriend or wife from Greek Life but it’s just tough to pull off what you are pulling off here,” said Ryan.
“I mean people advertise it as the group you join to get laid but most mixers that happen, guys go with a girl in mind already. Most parties are guys standing near other guys and girls with other girls, they rarely interact much, it’s the weirdest shit too because most men there do not want to work for anything with a girl and they just stand until some girl falls into their lap,” said Bryan.
“Especially these days man, they are out to get straight men in fraternities and you can easily get hit with law suits and a rape charge if you abuse the wrong girl,” said Trevor.
I do not know how the rest of that conversation went, not even this one word for word, only the general gist. As it carried on, I found from Trevor and his friends that Greek Life is great for finding a wife but not all it is cracked up to be for getting around. Word gets out fast and sororities themselves, unless trashy, do not want to be that easy girl.
One other takeaway I had was how it was a Pareto Principle to the extreme with Greek Life. Apparently, most men do not really get much and it is the top 20% of guys in that fraternity that get all of the attention from women. It is all too common for kids who are not a part of that 20% to get very frustrated which leads to them portraying the worst fraternity stereotypes as they are the ones to go around picking fights and acting douchey.
For a while, I did not think about it but it did make sense to me. I noticed that approaching a lot of women over the years, it was fraternity guys or former ones who wanted to be buddy buddy with me from the bars. The desire from them was there to approach but it took a while to really get it refined. I always thought these guys got it out of their system but usually, I found that they didn’t. Over the years, I met more who said Greek Life was not what they thought it was going to be.
Now let’s get one thing clear here though, being Greek in college is better than not being Greek. All else equal, most men would be better off with those circumstances as opposed to being independent. One caveat is that you are better off not rushing than getting a bid for a really bad fraternity. While there were many benefits that come with being in a top frat, I was surprised to find how even for them it is not what it is cracked up to be.
My biggest takeaway was that despite the social circle benefits, the highest ceiling is truly in getting good at cold approaching and just being an attractive guy. As much as I still would have liked to be have been in a fraternity, I would not trade it for being a single guy in a great city with a lot of single women. Maybe the ceiling is just higher in life after college.