For those of you who had the chance to read about my decision to quit the party lifestyle recently, I thought I’d share even more on why it is tougher to meet women in that lifestyle. Now once again, I define this lifestyle as not exactly going out and drinking. I highly recommend men go out and have a couple beers at the right venues as you need to do that to meet women or at least make the most of your dating life.
What I define the partying lifestyle as is pre-gaming hard with your friends to where you are almost halfway drunk when you get to the club, going to a super loud music venue and then getting yourself even more drunk in the process. Throw in some drugs and a whole bunch of other stuff, we have the recipe we have.
I used to think that this lifestyle was the Holy Grail for meeting attractive women, over the years I learned that I was being misled. Many men have been led down this route too so who can blame them?
Now the media always shows a case where you go out like this and get lucky with a girl, fucking in the club bathroom, but there is actually a lot to this that the media does not show. In fact, it might be right for the conspiracy theorist in me to assume that the there is a link between nightlife venues pushing Hollywood to show this so we invest more money into nightclubs ourselves! As someone who has lived that life for years now in probably the most lively city in the world (definitely the US), let me tell you why that might not really be as true as the media leads you to believe.
The mental frame changes when you go out, you are no longer going out to meet new women.
You are going out to get drunk with your friends and your crew, along with partying with women that are a part of it. The venues where you likely go out too will also be the kinds where women go out with their friends and to be with their friends, not really to meet new guys. Try living this lifestyle and for anyone who has lived it, they can relate. You are going out to spend time with your crew, not to meet new women, at least that is what the frame is.
Meanwhile, you get comfortable being in that groove and cannot really see yourself approaching new women. Your friends might judge you and so will women in your group who think you are weird for chatting up strangers. The subtle pressure is on for you to conform, be with your clique, stay in your corner, and not meet new people. It is something that can be sort of tough to break out of.
You are already compromised most of the time with alcohol and other substances in your body.
If you party with a group that is familiar with what they are supposed to be doing, so in other words enough party people, you realize just how much alcohol you will drink before you even enter the club. Most of the times, you are going to have at least three to five drinks before you even arrive at the club itself. Excessive drinking affects your game on a negative level but paradoxically, you realize that you need to drink a decent amount to really function with the loud banging music at nightclubs.
Such an environment makes it tough for you to be your natural self as alcohol compromises your game. Now you rely on her being drunk and receptive to even have a chance here.
Most of the men who come to the club or get laid with women are doing so through women they already know.
That encounter where the guy bangs the hot girl in a bathroom? Yeah, he is dating her, they are just making a scene at the club.
Very rarely will girls get with random guys from a nightclub, they are showing up with guys they want to be with already. Most of the times, women will meet a new guy at a club but have no intentions of getting with the stranger that night. In a lot of cases, they are there to be with their friends and usually be left alone. You start to find overtime that the guys who get laid are doing so with girls they already know, are dating, or have been seeing for a while now.
Everyone is invested in the party itself, not really others.
People are invested in seeing a DJ perform or some special event, not really in meeting new people. Most attractive women at these events are there to see the event itself, that is a priority, not really to meet new guys. I know if I am seeing my favorite performers or artists, I am there for them, not for the women themselves. In the same manner, it is tough to meet new girls and make something out of it. People want to be there for the party but not really for meeting strangers, they already have their crew to enjoy the moment with.
Your friends will likely get in the way.
When you are out at the club with your friends, your obligations are your friends, even though it may be subconscious. Even if you do go up and talk to a girl, your friends will be there in the way wondering what you are up to. Sometimes they can be well-meaning but they will still get in the way. Other times, a girl in your group may love you and be puzzled at you talking to other girls, now you kind of have somewhat of an image to protect with others in the group. Occasionally, you may luck out by having a natural in your group but at that point, you are best off going out just with him at nights as your wing.
It puts a dent on other areas of your life where you could be meeting women.
Let’s see, you go out and stay out well past midnight, either sleeping in the next day or trying to drag yourself to work hungover and out of energy. Now even if you pull off the latter successfully, you spend time after work just catching up on sleep itself. Where this hits you hard is that it stops other parts of your life where you could be meeting new women because you are too busy recovering from that nasty hangover or just that tiring night out.
A good example is if you go hard on a Friday, it puts a dent in you potentially day drinking on Saturdays or even doing other activities that can lead to you meeting women. Maybe you don’t look as sharp for your date anymore since you are so under slept and exhausted from all the crap you have had in your system after that night out. I think that this is probably the biggest barrier in meeting new women because it is so invisible and you realize how hard it has hit you after the fact.
Ironically, some of these other avenues that your lack of sleep and other areas of your life are stopping you from being a part of are the ones where you can find your future fun fling or even your hot girlfriend that you always wanted. Instead, you are so worn down and out from those nights of drinking hard and constantly trying to recover.
So when you put it altogether, it is good to maintain perspective.
You go out to party at the club because it is fun, not because you want to meet a lot of new women. Going out to meet new women can be done in far better ways and with a far better lifestyle than just going out to nightclubs. You can protect your health and well-being as well as set realistic expectations with yourself by seeing nightclubs and the party life for what it is, a fun way to have a fun night. Most often, men equate that with meeting new women which is why so many leave disappointed with the party life and grow into bitter incels. Instead, see it for what it is and then work on newer ways for meeting new women which are also better for your well-being (more on that later).
