Deja Vu from my Saturn Return.

Here we are again, at least that’s the feeling that hit me. I can’t believe it, just like that, my time in NYC came to an end. NYC for me was a lot more than just a city, it was an experience. NYC for me gave me the story of that social outcast from the south who would move up to a world class city as his social life did a complete 180. So many good friends, so many fun parties, and so many experiences I will cherish forever. If I die, I can say I died a happy man.

Yet here I am reflecting in a city that is not as big or on the same level as NYC. Some consider it a fun city but I am still finding my footing here. Here I am.

I remember it, Atlanta was just like this for me. I moved in to a large apartment complex where most people were in their twenties to early thirties. A lot of these were college kids and people who knew each other from college. I could remember how badly I wanted to fit in and be a part of that in crowd. I remember going out alone to get drunk and never really having too fun of a time, something that eventually got better with time for me as I made some friends in Atlanta.

Here I am though, in that same situation. I moved to a new city which pales in comparison to NYC in so many ways and all I can say is that I am in that exact same situation. Same kind of apartment complex, same vibe, and same role for me.

As they say, wherever you go, there you are.

I am assuming that same role of an outcast now after having had a one of a kind social life in NYC. Everything I worked so hard for in NYC, gone for me, at least socially. It is not so much starting over that gets me, it is being in that same exact same painful spot I was in right before I moved to NYC. I always felt like such a social outcast in Atlanta and it drove me to the point of bitterness and anger, making me hate people in general sometimes. I remember those dark and isolating feelings all too well. Everyone else had their crew and their social life, I did not.

It is as if Saturn is testing me, almost saying “what’s going to be different this time?”.

In hindsight, I could have invested a lot more of those years in Atlanta and in Georgia on improving myself than chasing a social life I would have never gotten. I would have been better off if I spent more time at the gym and on my nutrition as that would have made life in NYC even more fun that it was. If I had not let the distraction or depression from those years get to me and instead focused more on myself, it would have no doubt paid dividends down the road.

Yet, the silver lining in all of this is I have been there and done that. When you have partied in Manhattan with your crew, there is almost no city that can come close to rivaling it. The women in NYC are the best looking in all of America, bar none, so nothing rivals the dating scene of the city. It is as if everything else is small fish compared to what NYC offers with its nightlife, women, and overall vibe.

I didn’t have my NYC experience in the past when I was a social outcast, I hadn’t been there, and I never knew what was even possible. By not having that, I was lost and approaching life with a scarcity mindset. It is easier to treat an old money southern Bubba with respect when you have not had drinks with old money East Coast WASPs (whose ancestors made the Confederacy their bitch).

I digress, I ramble, and now let me get back to the point.

It is almost as if Saturn threw this exact situation on my plate to test how I am different now. Saturn did this because it wanted to see just how much I have matured since then, to see how much being an outcast would hurt me now.

In some ways, I savor solitude. I have grown to appreciate the peace and quiet in life now compared to the younger me who was always trying to fit in.

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