culture · self-improvement

The most underrated rule of dating: Lose Fast

What is the most valuable resource in this world?

What resource is so valuable that unlike money, once you lose it, you can never get it back?

What if I was to tell you young men out there that even men like Warren Buffet envy you for having this resource while they do not?

The answer is time.

Once lost, you can never get it back. In business, you see this happening when you chase low quality clients that cannot give you a solid answer. While you were spending time on those maybes, you were not spending enough time building connections with higher quality clients.

In life, you see this happen over and over again. People waste time pursuing a career that is a bad fit for them or just wondering around in life without any focus. Before they know it, they have wasted the most energetic years of their lives in bad careers and chasing the wrong things, waking up at forty to realize how behind they are.

One other place you see this is in is dating, especially when men pursue women that are maybes.

As much as it hurts, a NO is the second best answer you can get from a girl.

A couple of months ago, I went on a date with this cute Persian girl and it seemed like she was energetic and very chatty too. I thought it was going decent with her so after some drinks, we went for a walk. Now I noticed that she was chatty on the walk but she had to be somewhere in a couple of hours. Meanwhile, I had a place I needed to be at in a couple of hours too.

I made the mistake of chatting with her too much, not escalating enough, and after an hour I walk her to where she needed to be. So after the date, I try to go in for a kiss and I am rejected. The lack of touch and everything told me immediately that this was not going to be a good use of my time. In hindsight, the signs were there but I did not want to accept them.

In the past, I have actually had multiple dates with women who were not touchy at first. What was the result? A whole lot of dates, lots of money spent, and almost no action.

Instead, I could have learned to disqualify them fast from the time we matched to the time we met. I could have learned to escalate faster and make my intentions clearer to avoid the friend-zone or it not going anywhere. Yet, somehow and someway, I still went along with it and I know why. I wanted that validation of going on a date with a cute girl or I just wanted some company which actually made me come off as desperate. When you are desperate, especially as others sense it, you are very vulnerable and prone to making a lot of mistakes.

I went on dates for the sake of going on dates and after a while, my bank account was starting to hurt. I’d go on a date because of the ego boost it gave me but this was foolish. In a way, I can empathize, having a cute girl on a date with you is a lot more validating than potentially going up to hot girls and getting rejected. In fact, now I know why guys who do decent on dating apps prefer that to cold approaching. Unfortunately, if you do not qualify her well, you just get a no after having spent money on her which is a lot worse than her flat out telling you no.

The rejection is not even the worst part.

The worst part was not even the no or at times being rejected in front of others that laughed at you, after all it is NYC, nope….not at all. For me, it was that feeling of knowing that whole time, I could have been spending time with women who were likely to turn into a yes and give me the night of my life.

For every extra hour I spent with a maybe, I could have just walked over to a bar and met a girl. Even better, I could have cold approached and at worst I would have gotten the second worst answer, no. Instead, I held out that hope for that maybe to turn into a yes. It was knowing how overtime, those hours added up in a big way.

Say you spend forty hours in a given year, which amounts to pursuing women that are a maybe, that’s about 46 or so minutes a week. Most guys will know that a week has about 168 hours, it’s barely an hour in the week.

Let’s say if in those forty hours, you could have approached 3 girls per hour. We can do the math here:

40 hours * 3 approaches per hour = 120 total women approached that year

Now let’s say your success rate for that to lead to anything is 10%, you could have had 12 new women in your life by that time. If we put you two spending the night alone in one of your own bedrooms at 5%, that is 6 new women in your life to have fun with.

Find math fun? Lets say it was 52 hours a year since there are 52 weeks a year.

52 hours * 3 approaches per hour = 156

If you had a success rate of 10%, that’s almost 16 new girls.

Puts things into perspective doesn’t it?

Think right now, for those of you worrying about whether that date will text back or want to take things further with you, think if you just took an hour off of your week to focus on approaching or just meeting new women. 3 approaches in an hour, very doable number there. 16 new girls is not a bad number either for an hour investment in a given week.

In my future posts, I am going to elaborate more on losing fast and how you can do it.

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