bio · inner game · psychology · self-improvement

Things worrying me that I have no control over.

Stop worrying about what you can’t control, a saying all of us have heard over and over and over again. I could use that saying in my life sometimes as well because in recent months, I too have fallen into worrying about things I have no control over. Thankfully, I was able to get a handle on this and do some damage control. Ever since the pandemic, it is easy to worry about a lot of things we have no control over since we live in uncertain and tough times.

Lately, certain things worry me a lot. I decided to share them with you guys and also a newer approach I have taken to all of them. You can say this this my morning therapy session in a way, maybe some of you can relate. If there are things worrying you that are out of your control, let me know.

“What if I lose another family member?”

2021 was a particularly tough year for me because I lost someone very close to me, the news was sudden. I broke down crying and could not for the life of me get out of bed that entire day. The following day, under slept with dark circles under my eye, I took a flight back home. Ever since then, I worry about receiving news of someone else close to me passing away. I sometimes even said that may fate make the next one me so I do not have to go through this again.

The new approach

Even though this is something that worries me a good deal and is out of my control, I have learned to accept that whatever will happen will happen. Instead, I savor time with my family members more and have slowly transitioned out of the big city life of partying and drinking hard. I talk to my family and friends more these days and value quality time with them. You are better off making the most of the time you have with your loved ones, no matter how long or short that may be, so when the time comes you can be at some peace knowing you had a great time. Even though it will hurt, you accept that it will hurt and accept the mental and emotional pain but you know you made the most of your time with them.

“What if my health goes to shit?”

Ever since I got vaccinated for COVID, mainly because I was forced to do so by my workplace, I have not been feeling 100%. At times, I feel tingles and the paranoid side of me worries that I might be facing some onset of GBS. I read about people who got vaccinated and had some severe side effects and now I worry that I might be one of those people. At the same time, I know that doctors risk a lot by trying to label anything wrong with the COVID vaccines. Health, can’t always take it for granted.

The new approach

For anyone facing this, be grateful that you are actually on top of it and monitoring your own health. I have written down my symptoms ever since taking the vaccine so hopefully whatever doctor I show this to can help me. Thankfully, I have done my research and know what tests to get in order to get the best healthcare I possibly can. I have learned to accept that if certain things are going to happen, they just will. I can do preventative care and be healthy but after a while, there is only so much I can do. Until then, let’s make the most of every breath!

“What if I can’t defend myself or my loved ones?”

I have managed to avoid a fight throughout my life. Even when I was growing up, I didn’t get physically bullied because I was taller than most of the kids. One kid did punch me when I was in the 8th grade but I shoved him to the point where he flew back, hit the locker and then the teachers broke it up before I could do anything. I managed to avoid confrontation most of my life and didn’t really have to see my loved ones in a physically compromised state. In some ways, I count myself as lucky. Yet with the amount of scumbags, guys looking for a fight and wannabe alpha males out there, you worry as a man if you can defend yourself and your loved ones.

The new approach

It’s a fine line you walk when it comes to self-defense since, well, one wrong move and you could end the other guy’s life. Now imagine doing some serious time because you let pride and ego get in your way, how so many young men in this country ruin their futures because they had to prove how alpha they were. As much as I feel insecure about not being in enough fights and at times even letting someone walk over me, I look at the men whose lives have been ruined because they got too violent. More so, I have started to get into MMA more and more where I get to be around guys who can throw down.

“What I get into some serious legal trouble?”

You just never know these days and there are so many things out there that you can get in trouble for. I have always tried to live as clean of a life as possible but if some authority figures hate you, then you are screwed. We could easily move to a society where you disagreeing politically puts you in a tough spot. Sure you can live as clean of a life as you want but even then, it can hit you.

The new approach

While I try to obey the law to the best of my knowledge, I do acknowledge that just about anyone can get into deep shit legally if they are not careful in a country like the US. One mindset I have taken is that all you can do at that point is have enough in savings for a good lawyer and keep your cool. I truly believe in karma and try to do as much good as I can in this world.

“What if I find the love of my life and she cheats on me?”

I am not an LTR guy, the first girl I ever fell in love with led me on. Yet, I feel like even for the coldest players, there are certain kinds of women who will just grab your heart. As strong as you are emotionally, there are women who will just have that special effect on you. You see it in movies where even the coldest asshole finds that one special girl and now he cannot even control his emotions. I have found women myself who were that special girl that just left an emotional impact on me.

The new approach

Accept the emotions, don’t fight them. I have learned that you will worry and get more anxious than usual around that girl. At the same time, accept it and distract yourself as tough as it may be. Try not to pay too much attention to other guys hitting on her, if she is hot then they definitely will. Do not pay too much mind to men creeping on her, because if you get possessive then you will lose her. At the same time, accept that you are emotionally compromised and see the punch coming. If it does come to that sad situation, hopefully you are not caught by surprise.

“What if I lose my sense of privacy and all of my dirty laundry gets aired?”

On this blog, I get about a thousand visitors a month. Some people love the content I pose, some are neutral about it, and some are downright offended. I have seen my posts linked from sites with active discussions and in one instance, there were people trying to dox me and expose me. Clearly, given some of the content I pose, it won’t sit well with a lot of my friends in real life but it is that anonymity that gives me the power to share my unfiltered thoughts.

The new approach

I have realized that if someone is willing to go to the point of trying to hurt me because I said something they didn’t like, well it must mean my writing is that good. Good writers and good artists often inspire a provocative response from the audience, they are often polarizing. One other epiphany I have had is that the people I will lose as friends were people who were never really friends to begin with.

“What if this free society we live in just falls apart and we get taken over by some tyrannical government?”

All too common of a concern here in the Western World given how much things have changed since 2020. We have faced mandates and restriction after restriction, it is all too common to worry about living in an Orwellian world. Every passing month, life just seems more and more dystopian for almost everyone worldwide. I sometimes worry about waking up in a world where privacy and free speech are gone for good, as much as they may have declined in recent decades. Yes, sometimes I do snoop around on some of the conspiracy theory stuff.

The new approach

Worry about what you can control here such as moving to a more free part of the country or trying to do all you can to distance yourself from areas with strict mandates. At the same time, do accept that this can all change fast and all it takes is one election. Vote for politicians who will fight for your freedoms and get involved in local politics so you can have clean and fair elections. After that, accept whatever happens. If there are a large group of billionaires who want to takeover the world and install a totalitarian government, then believe me they are going to succeed and there is little we can do about it. At that point, leave it in the hands of God and whatever faith you may believe in because you did all you could do.

“What if people think lesser of me because of things about myself I cannot change?”

I have struggled with this for quite some time as an outsider in life. We all need to win the good graces of some in order to get that promotion, get that job, or just have a more pleasant experience. At times, we cannot help but compare ourselves to others. In the past, I have run into prejudice and been treated unfairly because of who I was and where I was, it cost me a chance at a great education in some cases and even a good social life. I became more insecure as a result.

The new approach

The truth is that there will always be people that hate you and you will never be able to win everyone over. Even the President of the US has rarely cracked over a 70% approval rating. Now this is all generic stuff you can read in a book or motivation post so let me propose another idea for you which has helped me out a lot. Spend your time around the people in a room that are good towards you or neutral. Sure, some will say “but be open to feedback man”, but there is a limit. There is a difference between taking feedback from someone neutral to you that genuinely wants to help versus someone who will never like you no matter what you do. Do not spend too much time around people that hate you, some people simply won’t like you no matter what you do for them.

“What if attractive women pass me up for things about myself I cannot change?”

Lurk around enough discussion forums centered on dating and you will find that guys of all types worry about this. What if I am not tanned enough? What if I am too tanned? What if I am too short? What if I am too foreign-looking? What if my culture is perceived in a bad way? We all fear this and as men, we all run into this with our inner game. I ran into this too because I was not the stereotypical cool kid in my youth but since then, I have managed to overcome this.

The new approach

Stop seeing dating as a competition, see it as a marketplace. Women do not like the same kind of guy, there are millions of them out there. Better yet, focus your energy on trying to get in where you fit in. Find that city or culture you love and dating will start to slowly fall into your lap. Focus more on making yourself happy and finding demographics you fit in well with, the dating success will follow. At the same time, avoid areas and crews that you do not fit in well with.

What if I don’t get to live the life I always wanted to live?

In my 30s, living like Dan Bilzerian (as much as people hate him), single, unattached, and partying it up as I make mad cash. What if I do not get to live this life? What if something happens to me? What if I get possessed by the ghost of a cookie cutter khaki wearing suburban Dad who thinks marriage and a mortgage are the Holy Grail of life? How would I ever survive!? There go all of my dreams! Maybe the countless bloggers and people talking about how life goes downhill after 30 because you have to settle down were right, oh no!

The new approach

I look back at my high school self that wanted to be at an Ivy League and work on Wall Street. After I got more exposure to both, I realized that I actually dodged a bullet and found an even better and more fulfilling path. You have no idea what might come up or what might present itself to where you end up liking it more than your original plan. I never thought I’d leave NYC but I ended up in a city just as fun with women that some can say are even hotter than those in NYC. In other words, life has a way of presenting you with respectable alternatives when you stay the course and stay true to yourself.

2 thoughts on “Things worrying me that I have no control over.

  1. One of the best quotes about futile worrying which I heard was ” worry is like a rocking chair, it moves back and forth but doesn’t lead you anywhere.

Leave a Reply