As I near the age of thirty, I look back and reflect on how things have changed since I was in my early and mid-twenties. So many told you that men peak later on in life compared to women but that depends on a lot of things. I used to always wonder how dating would look like as I got older and now that I am there, or pretty close to it, I thought I’d share some experiences. It is time I gave some clarity compared to the snake oil that the red pill tried to sell you or the doom and gloom the men whose life didn’t pan out tried to pitch you.
You must move to a big city, this is non-negotiable.
You will hear a lot of stories of older guys complaining about how tough meeting women is and how everyone around them is married. While a lot of this does have to do with them and how they are, a common underlying theme I see is that these men are typically in smaller towns, small cities, suburbs, and areas where most people are likely married between the ages of 25-30.
While some big cities are better than others, the reality is that in order to have any sort of a dating life and options, you must move to one. If you do not, you will be in an area where most people are married and most decent women are taken up. Can’t afford moving to a big city? Focus on that first and getting your shit together financially before even thinking of dating. If you don’t move to a big city, you are toast.
Logistics are king, just like they kind of always were.
Think about it, they hype up college for meeting women a lot but if you went to some engineering school or some community college, that was not the case for you. If you commuted, this was not the case for you. Now if you went to a party school and lived on-campus, this is where the “college experience” happens. The guys who rushed frats and went to a party school had way more fun than the guys who commuted or went to an engineering school.
Adult life works in the same way, your logistics and set up is king. The guys who move to big cities, get a prime spot, go out a lot, and are where the women are partying meet a lot of women. Men who live in small towns or with their parents do not get much action at all.
Just like how science majors and guys with tough majors hardly partied much in school, same can be said of adult life. Men who work in boring professions with long hours do not get much action compared to men who work in professions with relaxed hours. Complicated right?
Well, just like in college, Pareto Principle applies. The men who figure out the good setup are in the minority but it is always the small amount of men getting all of the action.
The way women evaluate men changes and it makes sense why some guys struggle a lot with age while others prosper.
I notice that in high school and college, women put a ton of value on what crews you ran with. Social circle game was king and women would get with an uglier guy if he happened to run with the right crew (fraternity, etc.). As I get older, I find this to be less and less true, women just become a lot more objective. I see this trend in men who complain versus those that start to do good with women.
The guys who relied on social circles and popularity contests to get girls seem to fizzle out and not do so well as they get older. Meanwhile, the men who look good and are just objectively higher value men do a lot better. Now there can be an overlap, someone could have easily been some cool frat guy in college and grow into a higher value bachelor but I find that this is somewhat rare.
What I see more commonly is that the guys who didn’t get overly involved with the popularity contests but hit the gym, worked out, ate well, developed social skills, found the right logistics and worked on their careers are a hit. Meanwhile, the guys who relied solely on social circles and social politics are the main ones struggling. One reason is because the definition of “cool” changes from college to your city days. The only takeaway you should have here is that women are a lot more objective and will rarely take an uglier guy over an attractive guy due to social circle game like they would have in college.
You yourself will transition out of the social media clout, popularity contests, and nightlife.
I used to worry a lot about being cool, popular, and dating the same girls the college version of me could not. Maybe it’s because I hooked up with a few upperclassmen sorority girls in NYC during intern season or I just got old, who knows, but I am over it. As much as younger me wanted to make up for being an outcast and dating the same popular women I could not date, older me could care less. I find the social media games, popularity contests, and clout chasing which makes up the Greek Life world to be something worth avoiding now. As a result, you find it tougher to be around younger women for long unless they break the stereotypes.
Yes, younger women do like older guys and if you have your shit together, they will chase you but….
Unfortunately, I do draw in a lot of women on dating apps and even in real life who are in college or their early-twenties. I say unfortunately because I prefer not to go for younger women given that they are in a different stage of life than I am. Most of them prefer to party hard, do drugs, live for social media, and have massive social circles which does not appeal to a guy like me at all. I prefer to date and go for women who are closer to my age or even older.
The red pill and “biology” always hypes up how guys love women younger than them, that does not apply to me. I cannot stand younger women at all and prefer women in a similar stage of life as I am. Most of the times, I find that older guys trying to chase younger women are just compensating for a boring or unfulfilled youth. In a way, I am glad that the 25-year old me had all his fun with upperclassmen college girls on intern season in Manhattan.
You actually meet a ton of amazing women who are around your age or older.
The red pill sold men on this lie that women go downhill after a certain age or that older women are all bitter and low value. Here is the reality, there are a lot of sexy and fun women over the age of 30 in this world. You’ll find a lot of fun women even in their forties that know how to give you the night of your life. I have not found older women more bitter or anything compared to younger women these days. I’d venture to say that younger women care a lot about social status and what their friends so they are likely to be more difficult to be around.
A meme goes around of older women being bitter that men do not approach them as much as their younger counterparts, this is over exaggerated. Women who stay in shape and look good in their thirties and forties have a lot of available men ready to marry them or get with them for the night. With how much western culture has hyped up “cougars”, I’d say that older women are quite popular if they look good. The red pill crowd doesn’t want to hear it but it is true.
Social interactions change when women are involved and they do get thirsty if you are a single guy, assuming you look good and have a career.
I do want to dedicate a post to this but this is by far one of the biggest changes I notice as I get older. When I was younger, you could be socially interacting with friends and women would be casually chatting with you two. You could have a normal social interaction back in college or your early twenties and girls would casually chat about whatever topic.
Once you get older, this changes fast. I have noticed in the past few years that if I am chatting with my friends and there are girls that know them or are in their social circles, I am getting evaluated. Women probe more, they ask more questions, and they no longer want to pretend to care about the topic at hand. I’ve had women make moves on me when alcohol was involved which was unheard of back in my early and mid-twenties. One other thing I notice? Women try to set you up with their friends a lot more as well because in their eyes, I guess they think you are all getting to that age.
Women also care a lot less about what their friends think as they get older, in fact their friends are more and more out of the picture.
When you were trying to date girls in high school, college, or their early-twenties, you found that you had to deal with their nosy friends. Even if she was into you, her friends always came in the way to make sure she was going for a pre-approved guy in their social circle. Even if she was into you, she ignored you because she did not want to take a hit in front of her friends.
I find that as women get older, they tend to not give a fuck about what friends think. Touching back on a point from earlier, women are just more objective and go for guys they find hot, not guys they think their friends will pat them on the back for. You even see glimpses of this with college girls as they intern in big cities, often getting with men they would never date or be seen with on a college campus.
Which means getting laid becomes a lot easier.
If she likes you, she will fuck. Compared to your younger days, there are a lot less obstacles stopping women from going for men they are attracted to. Once they are past their late-twenties, women just go for whatever men they are into. I’d even venture to say that women in their early to mid-twenties who find themselves in a large world class city will go for men they are attracted to while ignoring what their nosy friends say.
Yes, there are plenty of gems still out there worth marrying, but only for the right guy.
The red pill and toxic incel crowds will have you convinced that the good ones were taken up by their early twenties. I have found that there are a lot of quality women out there from early twenties to even their forties who are worth marrying and having a great life with. Now I rather not get married but I have seen plenty of cool guys in their thirties and forties find happy marriages with great women. The common trend? Those guys themselves were worth hanging out with and a far cry from toxic incels.
Such have been my observations so far, wish to share more. If any you have experiences to share, share them.