Perhaps the pandemic caused it or something did but in recent years, we have seen a death in the glorification of the bachelor lifestyle and a shift to the radically different end. Now, in male spaces, there is a glorification of the family life and kids. Now, the idea has gone from be single for life and hook up with various women to how the lifelong bachelor is doomed for misery. So which is it?
This is normal, it happens so much with society.
Society swings on a pendulum where once it has exhausted a certain way of life, it will shift immediately to the more extreme end. You see with politics here in the US where it is rare for any party to have more than two terms with the presidency. People vote for a liberal president and after eight years, they want someone who is the exact opposite of them. Similarly, you are witnessing it now with society where people have gone from embracing the lifelong bachelor to trying to shove marriage and family life down everyone’s throat.
You see cases of former pickup artists now fully embracing religion after spending years living what they themselves now view as a hedonistic lifestyle. It’s quite common to see as well where men who lived on one extreme in life end up living on an entirely different extreme. I have known men who grew up religious and moral somehow end up getting into a life of chasing strippers and doing drugs to make up for lost time. It is always the most extreme men who are on radical ends that end up changing directly to the other extreme side as opposed to being in the middle.
So what went wrong with the bachelor lifestyle?
Men used to complain how marriage comes with divorce and can be so expensive but now, they want to have kids and be great husbands. How have things changed so much within the past five or so years? If we know that marriage came with divorce, then what about the pitfalls of bachelorhood?
A lot of people have claimed how the lifestyle is empty and meaningless. Quite a few have claimed that it gets old sleeping with lots of different women. A few have pointed towards biology and human nature to recreate and have kids. One thing has not been mentioned enough because men do not want their egos to take a beating here.
The game is fucking brutal!
When you see and hear of guys who sleep with hundreds of different women a year, you are falling victim to survivorship bias. Most men who get into “game” or the goal of getting with lots of different women are going to go through an emotional and mental beatdown very few can handle. Approaching a girl you find attractive at a bar and getting the guts to approach only to get brutally rejected? Men can only take so many of those before they opt out.
How about finding that some guys out there are getting hundreds of Tinder matches only for you to get maybe five at best (if any at worst)? That shit fucking hurts.
Nightlife, online dating and that whole lifestyle itself is not just vain but also hurts your feelings in a significant way. If you are not an attractive guy with some charisma, it greets you with brutal rejections and shows you how low you are in society. You see other men who are attractive with charisma get the girls you wish you had while you remain alone. After a while, the wear and tear will wipe out most men and crush them like they have never been crushed before.
Make no mistake about it, it is not in any way shape or form easy to be that guy that gets with a lot of different women. After taking a beating, it is no surprise that these men run to comfort.
So what about those pick up artists who actually got laid a lot?
On the onset, I want to call bullshit. Anyone can write up a field report or “lay report” and claim that it is legitimate but it is tough to really prove. I will, for the sake of this post, assume that they were telling the truth and did get laid. I will assume that there are men out there who did indeed go through the whole process and managed to somehow sleep with a hundred different women. Why them?
Because they built their entire lives solely on “game” and nothing else.
Most of these men were about nothing other than getting laid which is a very sad way to live life. A lot of them were willing to change countries just because they heard that getting laid was easier in one country compared to another. Throughout that whole time, these men found nothing to be passionate about outside of the amount of approaches and increasing their lay count. Even if they found a career somehow, it was solely career and then dating.
In some ways, wanting a wife and being married to the “game” are the same thing.
You are being dependent and reliant on women.
If going out at night and getting laid define how good your night is, you are being reliant on women.
If you have to do X amount of approaches to live a good life, you are being reliant on women.
If you are reading for “IOIs” or how receptive women are and that determines how good the night has been? You are being reliant on women.
If you are using lay count as a measure of how good you are with women? That is being reliant on women.
If you are using any metric where a woman’s reaction determines your success? You are being reliant on women.
You have placed your happiness and fulfillment in the hands of someone else who, in most cases, doesn’t even fucking know you. You didn’t think that was going to go wrong? You didn’t think that somehow, you were going to be miserable for it?
You never freed yourself from anything, you are still attaching your fulfillment in life to an outcome that is out of your control. Just like you cannot do much after a point around whether your wife stays with you, you can’t do a thing after a certain point around how receptive a girl is to you. Men are simply divorcing themselves from another kind of marriage now.
So how do you stay sane without committing to either extreme?
If you are like me, you want to stay a bachelor for a while. If you are like others, perhaps you do want wife and kids. To each their own. So what do you do to keep yourself sane if you are caught in this?
Attach your happiness and fulfillment to things that you can control. Men need a purpose or passion more than any other time in their life. You can control how good you get at a certain skill or hobby that doesn’t require a subjective opinion of someone else. In the same way, you are better off investing time in where to take your life in five years financially and other ways as opposed to obsessing over women.
Ironically, that’s what men who are doing well in life are doing. Most men who are fulfilled do not care for how their night goes in terms of approaches, they are out to have fun regardless of how women react. Most men who are fulfilled being single have so many hobbies and fun things taking up their headspace that women just naturally come into their lives. Women are very intuitive and can feel your emotions, it is why so many wealthy guys still struggle because despite having the money, they are miserable and a lot of women pick up on that.
Men got too attached to the women and how much they would get laid part of being a bachelor but not everything else. The freedom from being tied down or having to answer to someone when you get home. The freedom to travel the world and do your own thing without having to be tied down to anyone or anything. Knowing that you can change your career and what you want to do with life without having someone heavily reliant on you. Realizing that if you do find that random woman who wants you that one night, you can get lucky and not feel any guilt because you are single (because guys who cheat on their wives are scumbags).
Quite a rant but men could benefit from detaching themselves from how they do with women. Unfortunately, whether pickup/game or marriage, the end goal is still the same: Feeling validated by a woman to some degree.