At one point, many many years ago, I had some kind of a depressed epiphany. I would go out solo to nightclubs and bars and see people out in groups, it depressed me. Now I should have felt free and happy being able to “cold approach” but that wasn’t the case. Instead, I felt that I was missing out. I realized over the years that I was being naive.
Lately, there has been a push to get men to invest in “social circle game” as a means of meeting and getting with high quality women. Now before I get into the nitty gritty of why social circles and groups are overrated, let me give credit where credit is due first.
If you are looking for a girlfriend or wife, they aren’t overrated.
If your sole purpose is to find a quality girlfriend or wife, then social circle game is right up there in terms of meeting women. Social circles open the door to finding a quality girl that you would consider a keeper because you see each other more often. I also advocate that you should be spending time on building a social circle but not for the purpose of meeting women. You should want a social circle because you genuinely get along with a group of people and can see yourself having a great time with them. A healthy social life spent with good people is healthy for your overall life.
But, it’s not so good for meeting women.
Unfortunately, “social circle game” as they call it is actually very overrated for meeting women unless you are in a top tier social circle. To get into a top tier social circle, you’d have to already be a guy of high value to the point that most dating advice in general will work for you. For most men though, social circles centered around meeting women are a waste of time. Here are some reasons why social circle game is just not worth it if your intentions are you meet a lot of beautiful women and keep it casual with them.
The best ones are rarely accessible.
I’ll concede to some degree, if you happened to be buddies with Hugh Hefner back in the day or bros with Dan Bilzerian or VitalyZDTV right now, perhaps social circles can work to your favor. In that case, I’ll even wonder why you are reading my site or any site dedicated to self-improvement with dating and meeting women. Chances are though, outside of the top 1% of social circles, the rest are a waste of time.
Most social circles you will get across cities will be old friend groups or people that just know each other from work. You are going to be an outsider and not let in so easily. Sure, some exceptions like owning the club they are partying at might help but at that point, you have so many options that you are not even going to bother with exceptions. For most social circles, the juice is not worth the squeeze.
It’s not in the best self-interest of men to help you get women in their groups.
I repeat, when it comes to game and getting laid, men are not your friends. Men are there to either distract you or just flat out stop you.
Similarly, in social circles, it is not in the best self-interest of any guy to help you get with the quality women unless you bring something very valuable to the circle (a lot of wealth, access to a lot of parties, or just a job/business opportunity for the guy). Chances are, if you had all that, you wouldn’t be wasting time on a social circle when it comes to getting laid anyways. In every social circle, there are a group of hot girls that are not in the majority but one that every guy wants. Even more common? A lot of the hottest girls are usually dating the guy in that social circle anyways.
I noticed this back in my earlier days in NYC when I met up with the alumni group of my college. We had a decent enough presence in the area I was in and I’d go to their house parties when I could. A few girls would show up but I noticed that whenever me or another guy who was from Ireland would get close to talking to them, the guys started being a lot less friendly to us. Basically, the point of the house party was for them to get laid, not another guy to come along and steal their opportunity.
All too often, you will find that the guys and the lesser attractive women in a social circle are playing gatekeepers. Most do not want another guy to enter the social circle unless he is practically some rich dude who is going to marry their friend. In case you missed the point I have been trying to make, you are already starting off with a strike against you. You are a guy they do not know but can sense is likely trying to associate with them because of some women in their circle. Once you try to make moves of any kind, strike two. Then eventually, other guys see you as a potential threat, strike three and you are out.
Most of the times, the best ones are taken.
Realistically, here is how most social circles form. You have a couple people that date each other, say a couple of girls dating a couple of guys. Girls have friends and then the guys just tag along with them for whatever events they do. Most of those friends are also with a guy and maybe a couple of them are single at best.
Unless you happen to make friends with the modern day Hugh Hefner or a Dan Bilzerian, basically any top 1% guy who is rare as fuck, the top girls are going to usually be taken in a social circle anyways. A lot of the best looking women are going to be dating the guys in that social circle. If they are not dating the best guys in the circle? They will be dating a guy they met outside of the circle. As it goes to my point above, most of these people are dating each other.
You can say that about most avenues for meeting women except for maybe online dating because most women with cool boyfriends would not be on Tinder. The difference here is that at a bar or in day game, you can chat up and expand your options even if one turns you down. You will likely never see that woman ever again. Now say you are solely relying on social circle game, if the girl you want is taken then you are practically screwed.
It’s more drama than anything else.
One common underlying theme of social circle game? Drama. The people who need the social circles affiliated with partying and hooking up often come with a lot of drama. Sure not all social circles are like this, duh, but those are the social circles you would be in for the hobby and friends rather than for meeting women. A lot of the social circles that get hyped up are those that center around Instagram, going out to the popping nightclubs, and those commonly affiliated with the high life.
Problem with all of that? The people who want all of that after their high school or maybe even college days are generally not the people you would trust. A lot of them live on alcohol, drugs, and drama. Most of these social circles will attract women that are likely to cry over nothing whenever they get drunk. Oh and gossip, that’s practically a second language in a lot of social circles.
You will run into a lot of people who, if they let you in, will just use you.
Maybe you have a nice paying job? “Buy us some drinks!”
You have access? “Well, get us in dude!”
Chances are, even if you get let in to some of these social circles, people are going to want to use you and abuse you. You will be used for your resources as others leech off of you. Girls will tease you most of the times and you will not get what is worth it for you. In most cases, you will be played for a sucker. Happened to one of my friends who made good money, he brought into the social circle hype and people just used him one night to try and pay for their tab at the club which he was wise enough to decline.
Most of all, it takes away from your own self-improvement journey.
Partying and drinking hard on weekdays? Not good for your physical health.
Being tangled up in drama? Not good for your mental and emotional health.
Being tied into a group and not being able to approach? Awful for improving your game or online dating skills.
As a guy, you should always be improving and trying to be the best version of yourself. Most social circles, unless they are dedicated to something you are passionate about (usually career or stuff that makes you money), will always hold you back. You will waste your time on nonsense drama and mindless status games that could be better invested in improving yourself. More so, your game will decline as you get shy from approaching women.
Some closing thoughts.
The truth is, most of these guys in a social circle envy men with the freedom and courage to approach random women at a club. Most men are not brave enough to actually walk up to a random girl and hit on her in a smooth way. Majority of the men that have hit on her that night were either drunk or just nervously doing it in an awkward way. The path you got on where you learned to improve yourself and talk to women you don’t know? Most men will never go down that path or develop those skills.
2 thoughts on “Why social circles are overrated for meeting women.”
Pretty informative. I like the verbage used and some good examples. It’s sad that’s the wolrd we live in. I’ve been exposed to some of this stuff and after all of my triumphs still get caught in many of the traps. Then again it is fun and just goes with my nature to play the game. Right now have just stayed low key but you got to get out there!
What do you mean got to get out there?