Recently, I shared a Bachelor Tale about a southern belle in Manhattan. For those of you who plan to read it and have not, consider this sentence my spoiler alert. Basically, what ended up happening is that I approached an upperclassman from Alabama who was in one of the top sororities there and visiting NYC on an internship and….we eventually ended up fucking. Perhaps one of the best parts about an environment like NYC before the pandemic was that women who visited the city, stayed there for a while, or even moved from otherwise conservative areas often slept with men they would never sleep with back home.

In other words, her preferences are never set in stone but rather fluid.

A woman’s preference in men is not exclusively based in biology but rather on social circumstances of her environment. All too often, women face serious backlash and a hit to their social status if they sleep with men that a given society dislikes or doesn’t put on a pedestal. In other words, just because someone says that certain kinds of women hate certain kinds of men, at best it is only relevant in that environment where the prejudice exists.

Now this is not just geographic, it is also group based. What this means is that a woman will react differently to your advances based on what context you approach her in. If she is out with her judgmental friends, even if she likes you, she might reject you to in order to avoid any backlash.

Let’s go back to my story and why it is so relevant to this post; it’s because if I had tried my luck in her college town then I would never had any luck. An older guy in a college town attempting to talk to sorority girls? No chance at all if she is good looking or in a respectable sorority. Now in the story, the frame was changed. The sorority girl about to finish college was coming up to NYC on an internship where she was not the top girl in the environment and looking for some guidance. Outcome? I managed to close.

A lot of the biases a woman has in seeing you or getting with a guy like you are impacted by her environment. In fact, women are more fearful of being judged than men are. A lot of this is biological as women had to rely more on the tribe for safety when humans were evolving and risked serious danger once outside the tribe, more so than men at least. When she says she doesn’t like certain kind of men, it is not solely due to biology but rather her environment and the judgment it would bring.

During my time in NYC, I roomed with an Arab guy from France who did quite well with women. Now my Arab friend had darker skin and was at least a couple tans darker than Sami Kheidira whom he facially resembled (people often confused him for Pakistani and South Asian at times). The reason I bring up his race to you is because there is a serious stigma around Arab guys (and brown guys in general) when it comes to women getting with one, especially in many parts of Europe.

In NYC, my Arab friend had his fair share of European girls whom he brought back. One of the best looking women he ever pulled from his night out was this black-haired tanned-skin woman from Serbia who looked like a younger version of Carrie-Anne Moss (the actress who looks damn stunning even right now!). After having drinks with them one night, as he kept seeing her, she let out how much she loves being with him and is glad she came to NYC so she can get with men she actually loves. From what she told me, there is so much racism towards Arabic looking guys in her home country that she would risk a lot of backlash if she ever got with a brown guy.

I found the conversation to be a bit eye-opening and truly showed just how much environment matters. The other reason I have to bring in race is because I get a lot of Pakistani, Indian, and Arab guys asking me to talk about it and how tough they have it because of their race. From my own experience, I know a lot of their problems are self-inflicted and do not want to spend too much time on the topic as men with certain mindsets just can’t be helped.

What should your takeaway be from this?

For one, stop being bitter towards certain kinds of women and their preferences.

Stop being bitter towards women in general, even those that on paper are not supposed to like you. It is not really their choice, most of the times they cannot be bold. In some instances, women risk their lives if they go with certain kinds of men in that given environment. You cannot ask her to always be a hero and say fuck it when so many forces in a given society are pushing her in a certain direction.

Cold approach is truly a cheat code.

Social circle game is grossly overrated and cold approach is almost an answer to it all. Perhaps that white girl from Toronto is just hoping that some suave Asian or Indian dude approaches her and takes her home, she can do with what’s considered forbidden fruit in her home city. Maybe that French girl is just waiting for some cool Arab guy in NYC to take her home. Yet, you’ll never know until you actually make the approach.

In case you didn’t get the memo, approach!

Stop living in your head and start living in the real world. Forget labels and just take your shot. You’d be surprised at how quickly prejudice can die under the sheets.

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