Of any race of guys out there, I get the most messages from Indian men asking me to help them with dating advice or just flat out saying that they struggle because they are Indian. In most pickup and game communities, or any that focus on dating talks, you will always have your resident Indian guy talking about how hard it is to be Indian. When I lived in NYC, I clearly saw a number of Indian guys struggling with women but after getting to know them better, I realized it had a lot to do with how they carried themselves.
Yet, even more so than Asian men, Indian men have become the one group to complain the most about race when it relates to dating. I always wondered why the same men that gave the world the Kama Sutra are now crying on pickup forums. So on this long post, I will dissect this phenomenon.
For one, perception is reality and if you look around….
You don’t necessarily see a lot of Indian guys killing it with hot girls. Now a silver lining here is that I have seen this change a lot since 2015. Before 2015 in Manhattan, it was rare to see an Indian guy with a hot girl of another race but now, that has changed. Still, Indian men have not made the strides with interracial dating success that Asian men have made in recent years and it is considered to be the worst race to be if you want to have interracial dating success. Now, let’s dig into the whys.
Obviously, the upbringing and the community, it’s the most repressive of any ethnic group in the US.
Indian parents, from what I have witnessed, are by far the most over-possessive, domineering, and controlling of their children than parents from any other culture out there. Now in some cases, this does work out. Indians generally have the highest salaries out of any ethnic group and tend to dominate in high-demand fields like big tech. The success maintained in academics and the white collar world is admirable but it also comes at a cost. Unfortunately, the style of parenting makes Indian men docile, afraid of confrontation, and the exact opposite of the type of guy likely to get the hottest girls at the club.
I also want to add that in any area with a significant Indian community, it is tough to break free. I’ve had Indian friends who were not in any way involved with the Indian community have other Indians try to coerce or push them into it. At times, I have seen other Indian men make life hell for the one Indian guy who is having dating success and dating women of other races, even if they do not know him. From my observations, there is clearly a crabs in a bucket type of approach that older Indian men and those engrained in the Indian community have towards the Indian men that do break free from stereotypes. I believe this is part of the reason why I rarely see Indian men have success unless they have a lot of friends of other races.
Next up, representation.
The truth is that there are just not that many Indian pro-athletes or Indian sex symbols in western media for women to admire. Now this ties into the former as Indian parents generally do not let their kids go into acting careers or play sports on a serious enough level. Women often have a famous celebrity crush and if you happen to look like that guy, they will be likely to favor you. On a positive note, it has gotten better for Indian men over the years with movies like The Big Sick and guys like Zayn (not Indian but South Asian, which Americans see as the same thing unfortunately) coming up.
So now, let’s look at the end product.
You have a guy who was likely repressed and hardcore sexually shamed by his parents and community in his youth. On top of this, you have a man who probably missed out on learning how to date in his formative years. Add to this that the repressive and borderline abusive parenting from a culture that likely celebrates that sort of stuff created a man lacking confidence. Now add that these men are going to be inclined to show beta male behavior from the get go such as crying on pickup forums and the internet about how much it sucks to be Indian, hence giving everyone the impression that Indian men are unattractive.
Now add that the repressive parenting from the repressive society is likely to create men who will resort to acting like creeps online (Bobs and Vegene). Such men are going out, with bad hygiene or complete lack of social awareness, and approaching girls en masse. What this does, especially in areas with a high Indian population, is leave a bad taste in the mouth of women.
Plus add a lack of good figures in media to look up to and you have the Indian man dating struggle.
Could we perhaps blame prejudice from society itself?
After having observed it long enough, I can confidently say that the struggles of Indian men are mostly self-inflicted. In fact, I have actually known quite a bit of women to express interest in aspects of Indian culture such as yoga, Bollywood, and Indian food. Even if you look at the pandemic hit from Netflix, Tiger King, one of the lead characters, Dr. Antle, literally gave himself an Indian name after being involved with the Swami. While the Incel forums and 4chan will say that Indians are “street shitters”, I have seen Americans still have an infatuation with Indian culture.
Finally, do most Indian men even care about all of this?
Sure, there is an influx of Indian men that seem to join dating and pickup communities to try and get better with women but usually end up bitching about race but do most Indian men really care? I can say that the answer is a flat out no. Unlike men of other races and cultures, Indian men just do not have a drive to succeed with women and dating. Most have an arranged marriage waiting and the vast majority, I’d say close to 90%, are perfectly content with living the average life. Of the 10% that do pursue the hedonist lifestyle of hooking up, more than half are just going to resort to being incels and crying about race all day because they couldn’t handle rejection.
Now what you are left with is the perception at the start of this post, meaning not a lot of Indian men out there doing well in the nightlife and hookup scene. For those who do decide to commit to it and take it seriously, they have a lot more to work with than they think. After all, we are talking about the same group of men that gave the world the Kama Sutra.