Every year, I get closer to 30 and as I approach the new decade, I thought I’d share some of the lessons I have learned about women, dating, relationships, and “game” throughout my twenties. Now the post may get long and even have a part 2 to it if I feel like it is worth it but for now, here are 10 lessons I’ve learned.
Lesson One – Nothing will limit your chances with women more than bitterness and negativity.
Bitterness and negativity are the number one thing plaguing the men’s self-help community, as seen in the rise of the black pill and incel movement. If there is one thing I wish I did in my twenties, it would be to become a more positive guy. It’s hard to do, I know, especially as you get into the working world and deal with an endless stream of losers and Karens, but it can be done. If there is any advice I would give to any guy in his twenties, it would be to become a more optimistic person. People feed off of your vibes and a lot of times, high quality people (cool guys, hot girls, etc.) will avoid you when they sense that you are a negative and bitter guy.
One place where this is crucial is when you go out at night. If you go out intense, angry, and pissed off, then your results will suffer. Women will sense that something is off about you and even people at the bar itself will try to distance themselves. If you are pissed off, either try to cool down and get in a better mood before going out or don’t go out at all.
Now this is not to say that bitter and negative men don’t get laid, they do. The point I am trying to make here is that even those guys grossly underperform with women than where they would be if they were more optimistic. People say that being optimistic is naive, I’d argue and say that it is often the people who have gone through the most shit in life that are least likely to complain because they have shit to be grateful of. Often times, it is the homeschooled and private school spoiled brats that barely had to work for anything in life that are the most bitter and unfulfilled.
Yeah you might not be the ideal jock or the male model lookalike, you might not even get results close to as good, but being bitter about it will give you no results at all.
Lesson Two – If you cannot be happy as a single guy, you will struggle a lot with attracting women, especially if you really want one.
Lately, men are desperate to get married and find a wife to the point that they are bitching and moaning about it online nonstop. All of these guys come off as needy and desperate to women who, rightfully, avoid them. If you are a single guy right now and not happy and fulfilled in life, then you are doomed to struggle a ton when it comes to game and meeting women.
Men have become so weak that they are desperate for a wife and it has only happened in the past couple of decades. A lot of these buffoons do not understand how cringey and low-value they are coming off, completely clueless as to why women avoid them and then converting to dangerous philosophies like The Black Pill. If you cannot somehow find fulfillment in life without women, then you will struggle a lot with game and with attracting decent women into your life.
Think about it, even if you are one of these guys and a woman gives you a shot, you will come off as desperate and a “Nice Guy” that she will eventually drop. Whatever is making you unhappy or unfulfilled in life, fix it. If it is women and dating, then just go to a place where it is legal to pay for it at this point. If it is intimacy, learn to love yourself first. If I am not changing your mind here and you fail to get the point, then forget about it and accept your fate of having an awful dating life.
The more you want something, the more it will elude you compared to you wanting it less. Guys who are single, happy in life, and don’t need women often end up drawing a lot of women into their lives. For other men who are hard-headed and will argue with me non-stop here (“but but muh intimacy, look science backs me up bruh”), a fate of misery and loneliness along with being duped by women awaits them. Learn to be happy in life without sex and intimacy and you are far more likely to get it.
Lesson Three – Nothing is sexier and more “cool” than abundance, the guy who has it is the strongest man in the room.
The guy who can walk away from a job because he knows he can easily get another job. The guy who needs no one but himself. The guy who can quickly disqualify a girl that is just leading him on because there are ten more waiting for him. The Man Of Abundance is the most powerful man in the room because he needs nothing.
I noticed this when I first entered the working world, the “cool kids” never begged to play golf with leadership or sucked up to them. No, the “cool kids” just did their thing, never begged for leadership’s attention, and often times got it. Meanwhile, the people who were constantly kissing up and trying to relate with the bosses were the ones who were laughed at when they were not in the room. The People Pleasers, Suckups, and Brown Nosers were the main ones that the bosses tried to avoid.
Similarly in the world of dating, the man of no options will let a woman dupe him. The man with little options will play into a woman’s game and go five dates without sex, never splitting the tab once. Meanwhile, The Man Of Abundance will not hesitate to call her out on her shit and most importantly, just walk away. The Man Of Abundance rather lose fast so as not to waste time.
Here is the reality, no woman is really worth your life. You can always find amazing women out there. No job is worth losing so much of your sanity over. The most powerful man is often the one who can walk away and be alright.
Lesson Four – Most men are not your friends when it comes to meeting women.
Bros before hoes is a load of nonsense. Most men are not your friend, it makes no sense for them to be your friend. It is against the self-interest of most men to be your friend because an extra guy means more competition for women. The only circumstances concerning game in which men will be your friends is if they see that they can benefit from being around you. If you are the reason they meet more women and get laid, then they will be your friend.
Most men will compete with you to get girls and if you do get a hot girlfriend, then even more men will try to take her from you. More importantly, you can judge who is areal friend based on how well guys react to you ending up with a hot girl. You will find that a lot of your “friends” will try to pounce on your girlfriend if you are not around.
Lesson Five – “Cold Approach” is realistically the best way to meet a lot of available women.
Whether it is nightgame or whether it is daygame, cold approach is king. Yes, I used to feel differently a while back, but I have learned that this is indeed the best method for most men. Now if you seem to be born into and luck into a top tier social circle, then this does not apply to you. The truth here is that very few men will be so lucky and having a social circle that needs you a lot of hot girls is a full-time job itself.
Yes, cold approach comes with a lot of rejections and it may even seem weird. Yes, cold approach is nerve racking and you even risk humiliating rejections. Yes, in some cases, being that cold approacher can lead to you being that one creepy guy. However, getting good at it will net you opportunities with women who you otherwise would have no chance with.
Lesson Six – The “game” is really fucking hard if you want something other than your standard relationship, very few people succeed.
Getting with a lot of different women is really fucking hard unless you have low standards. Very few men out there are actually going around and getting with a different girl a week. The amount of rejection you will go through and the amount of work you will have to put in to get good will break most men. Very few men will get to the point where they are hooking up with more than ten different women in a year.
Yeah, that sounds odd but the reality is that when you add it all up, it takes a lot of work to consistently get with above-average looking women. Not only is it a lot of work, people will judge you and you will sour some friendships and personal relationships because you get around.
Whether it is doing a ton of cold approaches, putting together a stellar online dating profile (and converting those dates to lays), or getting together a tight social circle; it is tough as hell to be that guy who “slays”. Most men have to make serious sacrifices to get to that point.
Lesson Seven – The pickup and “game” community is best utilized in a minimal way, there are significant diminishing returns to being too much into this shit.
There are guys who get into “pickup”, learn the basics about game, and use the community to find a good wingman or two. Now these are the guys who will see a lot of success with what the community is trying to teach. A lot of times, these guys have minimal involvement and are only using the community for basic advice and finding wingmen to go out with. On the other end, you have the guys who are more involved.
The guys who get into pickup, post a ton on pickup forums (and can be found on multiple ones), are always busy debating theory, often argue with everyone, and treat the whole shit like some high school popularity contest, will rarely see as much success. I have met guys who were “regulars” on different pickup forums, their game almost always sucked and they barely got women. All they had to go off of was their clout in the community because they could argue more, were good at the social politics of an internet forum, and kept tabs on everyone. Do not be that guy.
You can get to a point where you are too in your head, bitter, and not making the most out of your day because you get sucked into the world of internet communities. Even worse, now starts the process of going to the red pill and black pill.
Lesson Eight – Most “incels” and bitter guys that struggle with women cannot be helped.
A lot of guys want to try and reason with these guys or try to help them, this is not only a waste of time but also potentially dangerous. The reason I say that this is a dangerous idea is because you can get infected by another man’s negativity. You may think that you are trying to help and making a difference but stick around enough bitter and negative guys and soon you will start to feel bitter and negative yourself. Most of these incels cannot be helped, we should not even bother.
Anyone who has gone into the black pill and incel movement is beyond saving now. To even convince someone like this that they are wrong is a losing battle. Most incels have massive egos centered around wanting to be proven right just so they can validate their misery. Stay away from incels and if you have them coming around in any community you create, ban quickly and swiftly.
Lesson Nine – The quickest way to get good with women is to make friends with guys that are “naturals”.
Assuming you are in good shape and decent looking enough, the best way to get good with women is to make friends with guys that come off as “naturals”. I would encourage all guys to go to hobbies that your typical “Chad” might go into. Be friends with a guy who is naturally good with women, not a pickup artist that is trying. You will find that overtime, you too will adopt his behaviors.
In NYC, I roomed with a couple of guys who were former college athletes, one a former football player and another a former college wrestler. After going out with those guys enough and seeing how they interacted with women, I started acting like them. Instead of a neurotic PUA guy, I became more of a natural that could have conversations with women rather than going through checklists in my head (“ZOMG did I escalate?”).
Lesson Ten – Always pick the city where you will be the happiest over a city that is “good for game”.
Way too many men move to NYC and end up being frustrated, beaten, and depressed as they settle into the hustle and bustle of the city. The reason? A lot of these men moved to NYC solely for game purposes and found that the city was a depressing place to be when all other things were considered. You can actually have a better dating life in another city, even if the ratios are not as good, simply because you are happy there.
One of my friends lives in Seattle, a city known for being awful in terms of dating for men, and he has been with some good looking women in the city. I also have a friend who lives in San Francisco and has a great dating life for himself there. The underlying theme? They love the city that they are in and that happiness reflects in their behavior, drawing more people to them.
So that concludes it.
Some of these lessons were unique and some, you have heard a lot. Let me know if you are down for a part 2.