“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”Albert Einsten
All too often in the game community, people respect a guy for “approaching” and for doing a lot of approaches. A lot of dating coaches will run bootcamps where they are telling students to approach like mad men. Well, I am here to say that approach volume means nothing and is actually a very poor predictor of success on its own. I am sure we have all heard of the story of the guy that did hundreds of approaches only to find that after months of going hard, he has had no luck at all with women.
Outside of the guy saying he did all of those approaches, we know nothing. We have no idea of exactly what this guy said and did. Were all approaches literally the same spam opener that came off as canned? Did he vary his approaches at all? How was his tone?
Yes, if you are a total newbie, accept that you are going to fuck up and just do approaches to get warmed up a bit. After a month or so at it though, you must stop caring about the volume and number of approaches you do. The truth is if that if you do it too much at a certain area, no matter how big the city, you risk being labeled as that guy if you are living in the city itself. Even if you may disagree with me here, you have to understand even for the sake of efficiency, doing a ton of approaches may have diminishing returns for you.
You will get crushed more because the rejections will keep piling on. What you will start to notice is that after a few months of doing so, even the most gritty and persistent guys start to ask what they are doing with their lives. Now these same men may hype up other forms of game like social circle game or online game because they kept on getting blown out during the day. Eventually, it starts to catch up with men which is why constantly trying to do 20+ approaches is not a good metric.
Instead, focus on the following.
How can you improve your approaches based on where you are at?
Is your opener falling flat? Are you just opening but having approaches last less than a minute? Are you having issues progressing past the opener? What are your “sticking points”? Where in your approaches are you falling flat and where are you seeing progress?
If you are approaching the same way when you started doing approaches, you are obviously messing up. Your first few months should be spent almost as a way to find out where your gaps are so you can refine your approach. After your first few months, your approach should always be completely different because you took the time to evaluate where your gaps were.
You should be doing fewer approaches as you advance because each approach will now go for longer, lead to something, and you will likely have a more full schedule with dates and lays. Instead of trying to hit a certain volume to please your PUA friends, you are now trying to be efficient and only going after girls you are attracted to.
How many newer and advanced concepts are you introducing?
Are you using more push pull and more of a hook to your approaches? Are you just staying at the opener and then turning the whole ordeal into a job interview? What exactly are you doing to not just advance but also evolve your approaches overtime? Do you have a way to handle objections better and how is your frame in all of this? Are you emotionally vulnerable to rejections and shit tests or are you actually making things happen?
Yes, you should transition from spam approaching to going for girls you are genuinely attracted to.
Maybe she is your type. Maybe she looks good and you can get aroused being next to her. You should be approaching women like that as you get better as opposed to approaching just about anything. For one, it says a lot about you as a guy that you aren’t just willing to approach anything that moves. I have seen men approach women that were hideous only to get “practice” and believe me, it is not a good look for you.
Even in cities loaded with good looking women such as a Miami, in any area you will maybe find about 20% of women that you are genuinely attracted to and are also approachable. I say 20% and maybe it can be 40% for some men. From my own observations, men tend to have preferences. For example, some guys would never approach Asian women even if she was hot because they aren’t into Asians.
So ultimately, you are transitioning to the point where you have a refined approach and are using it on women that you can be aroused by. Even if you did five approaches, how can you improve those approaches? The point should not be to do approaches to impress your friends and to show how much of a player you are. The point is that you are using approaching as avenue to meet women that might not be in your circle or your life.
Improving how you read social situations and approachability.
A lot of beginners want to spam approach and cast a wide net. Now if you want to lose approach anxiety, obviously you do this. This is only if you want to lose your approach anxiety and aren’t as results-oriented. What naturals and guys that get results are good at is reading the social situation and how approachable a woman truly is.
Is she walking too fast? Is she on her phone? Is she looking really pissed off about something? Chances are, you are probably not going to want to approach her because it may not lead anywhere. Now there is an exception, if she is your type then you take the risk and live with the consequences.
Meanwhile if she is looking around or seems bored, you have a much better shot at getting that number. Start paying attention to how well you are picking up on vibes and social cues so you can be more efficient with your approaches. Not only will this pay off with game, it will also pay off outside of game itself because of how well you will be able to now read people. This is the point where you go from weird pickup guy to socially calibrated natural.
Now we know the story of the guy who did a thousand approaches and got nothing.
Even if this guy was hideous, which is completely plausible, he would have had some luck if he had learned from every approach. Simply saying the same shit thousands of times and hoping for different results is by its definition, insanity.