I come to all of you today about something that has plagued me for a lot of my life and something I see affecting almost all men who get into the game. That something is called ego. I won’t bother with a psychology lesson here and in terms of the way psychology would define “ego”, I might even be off. Instead, I use this post to define ego as something we all consider to be a big ego. We can even refer to it as excessive pride and arrogance here, even if the definition is not the same.
Ironically, a big ego is a common trait I see in most men we call “incels”.
When we think of an “incel” (guys who struggle to meet women and get laid despite trying), we think of a guy lacking in confidence and someone with a low self-esteem. Now this would make others think that an incel is actually the last kind of guy to have an ego right? Well, go lurk any incel community (not for too long though) and you will find that it is actually not the case. All too often, you’ll hear incel men point out the following:
- “That woman is ugly anyways because she doesn’t fit this golden ratio of hot”
- “It is society’s fault I cannot get a girlfriend”
- “Getting laid doesn’t matter if you aren’t a handsome slayer”
- “I am better than certain guys because my race and heritage is superior to white supremacists”
- “Why should I work for a woman’s attraction when a slayer doesn’t have to?”
- “X person is a subhuman due to their race and their height and therefore I am better than them”
- “Eeeww she should not be going with that short/Asian/redhead guy, I could please her way better”
Overtime, you start to find that the very men who cannot for the life of them get women often have these massive egos. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that incels have bigger egos than the “slayers” they worship who are actually getting results out there. I started to notice that guys who invest a lot of energy into the sexual market place, maybe even taking some action, but get no results often have the most out of whack ego. A good example of this is the guy who was responsible for the Isla Vista shootings, despite lacking what it took to be appealing to the typical sorority blonde, he felt entitled to their attention and went crazy when they didn’t give it to him. Rumor has it that what made him snap was how he saw minorities getting the same women he wanted and apparently, incel communities had filled it in his head that he was more deserving because he was half-white.
While not as extreme, I used to have somewhat similar thought patterns around women.
Why should I bother trying to be attractive to women or even trying to “learn game” when genetics matter so much?
Why should I bother improving myself when girls cannot like me for who I am aka my genetics and “facial symmetry”?
What’s the point of putting in all of that work to attracting women when she has been with some guy who barely had to put in any work?
Why should I bother going and approaching women, risking rejection in the process, when it’s all about face?
Why bother learning different forms of game when dating apps alone can get me validation from women and dates?
I will be the first to say that these patterns probably cost me close to four years worth of results. Yes, I sat out and looked down on men that approached because obviously, why risk getting your ego shattered and your pride battered when a hot girl rejects your advances out in public? Well, some of those men consistently get some of the best looking women out there as a result of putting themselves through that. In fact, a trait I have seen with a great deal of men who are successful with women is the healthy relationship they have with their ego.
You can crack a joke at these guys and they will laugh it off.
A lot of these men can laugh off rejection.
Most of these men do not feel entitled to women and therefore don’t get as hurt when a hot girl rejects them.
Most of all, these guys can take the rejections and less flattering parts of the process and still keep going.
Try cracking a joke at a guy who is an “incel”, you either get a ton of self-depreciation from them or they take it way too personally. Similarly, these very guys will take a rejection from a girl way too personally. It is no wonder that these men tend to give up fast in the process because they have sensitive egos. Unfortunately, trying to help them out can lead to retaliation on their end as any feedback you give is treated as either an insult or you not knowing what you are talking about. Sure, they have failed a ton with women yet they still know all of the answers.
My epiphany as someone who used to have an out of whack ego.
I am guilty of having an ego that was way out of whack. I used to see myself as above running daygame or approaching women because why risk the rejection? I used to hate the idea of being a go-getter when it came to getting laid. Just rely on the apps and let it come to you right? I mean after all, why bother putting in the work when its all about looks and all about social status?
Then it dawned on me, I almost thought of it in the sense of sports.
You see, as men, we always want to try and be the superstar of the show and win the championship. We all want to be the Tom Brady of this whole thing, win the championship and the MVP award. Yet, I started to see it in another way. What’s wrong with being on a championship winning team and just being good enough? What’s wrong with being good enough and not being a superstar? At the end of the day, you still won the damn championship!
Sure, you didn’t have the stellar stats and the analysts even called you things like “game manager” but who the fuck cares? You won a championship and played a part in it. Maybe you were not even the leader on the team but you played your part and won your championship. You don’t need to be the superstar or have everyone praising your performance so as long as you win.
Game is sort of the same way once you have enough exposure to things.
How often have you seen really hot girls get with guys that were not exactly the GQ Magazine pretty boy? The answer should be, for those who have a lot of life experience, quite often! In fact, I’d say more often than not that the Instagram model you beat off to or the pornstar you have blown many loads to has fucked and been with guys much uglier than you. Some of them might even be dating guys who you will look at and laugh.
Here is the other thing, a number of those guys likely accept that they are not genetically blessed or the stereotypical high sexual market value guy. The thing is, they don’t give a fuck. Sure, they probably had to put in a bit more work than a Cristiano Ronaldo lookalike but they do not care.
In fact, a common trait you notice amongst guys that get with a lot of hot girls is not that they are genetically blessed, per se, but rather that they look like they put in the work. They look like they have hit the gym, put work into their style, and into their charisma and social skills (also what we refer to as “game”). When life tells them that they are not a Zayn lookalike or a Jeremy Meeks, they don’t fucking care, they laugh it off.
At the end of the day, even though it might have come to them with more difficulty, they still got the result.
In the same sense, maybe one guy walked into a bar and immediately got approached by a cute girl he walked out with. Maybe it happens a good deal for that guy.
Then the other guy might have gotten blown out a lot more and then finally went home with a girl after putting in the work. It was no doubt tougher but he still made it happen.
When you get serious about results, you don’t care and just want to make it happen.
Obviously through legal ways here.
This is what separates “incels” who cry all day on internet forums about how easy certain guys have it from guys who are hellbent on results. The “incels”, five years from now, will still be crying and not having the results. Most of them were never serious about getting results in the first place, they just needed their highly sensitive ego massaged. The danger is that the sensitive ego never gets massaged enough and always looks for constant validation.
Meanwhile, for the guys who were serious about making it happen, they didn’t care. They hit the gym, controlled their diet, and followed the process. So what if they had to make more approaches or get their egos battered more? When they are balls deep in some Instagram thot other guys are wanking to, it means jack shit to them. It’s how men who are serious about results approach shit, they just care about getting shit done.