Ever since making my recent lay report post involving Long Island, I have received a number of messages asking me why I hate the place so much. Before I answer your question, I’ll answer why it is even relevant for me to bring Long Island up.
I never wanted to deal with Long Island, but I had to.
As a transplant to NYC, like many others, I stayed in Manhattan. I almost treated NYC like how westerners treat going to a foreign country for vacation, stay in the nice resorts and avoid anywhere outside of that. Just like a lot of transplants to NYC, I stuck to Manhattan and avoided most other borough during my stay there (outside of an occasional trip to Brooklyn or Queens). Yet, whether it was in the workplace, intramural sports or doing approaches at the bars, I ran into a few people from Long Island and had to interact with them. Even when I moved to Miami, somehow, I was occasionally dealing with people from Long Island.
You see, I never cared for Long Island until I realized how much I had to interact with it. Due to the nature of the place, its people seem to congregate in nightclubs and just about any place where pickup opportunities happen. If you are running game, expect to be unfortunate enough to have to game a Long Island girl. Even more fun, expect to have to deal with some baffling funny alpha male wannabe from this part of NY.
So, now starts the story of why I hate most people from Long Island, even though it is mainly the guys.
The most obvious, the fact that you have to deal with them for some reason.
Stay in their self-hyped suburb for good? Nah!
Nope, Long Island residents love to talk down to NYC (and anywhere not Long Island) but cannot help but swarm the city for any major sporting event or really most weekends. Perhaps the one thing that sucks the most about people from Long Island is how you are stuck dealing with them to some degree whether it is being unfortunate enough to work alongside one or finding that there are quite a few at a typical Manhattan bar. No matter how much they claim to hate NYC, these people still find every and any excuse to try and go to or live in Manhattan.
They can be your loud neighbors, toxic coworker, or the loud guy at the bar who is making a scene because he can’t get laid. Even better, they can be that cliquishly annoying girl still stuck in high school mentally despite being in her late twenties. Oh dear lord if only she would stay in Long Island but no, she just has to come to the very Manhattan her clique looks down on. At least a redneck from Middle America has the decency to avoid the big immoral cities he claims to hate.
Their weird relationship with NYC.
People from Long Island’s relationship with NYC is described in various ways. The Long Island fans will say that they are superior to the average New Yorker since they own a house and have a backyard. However, NYC’s relationship with Long Island is similar to Bobby’s relationship with his dad in Waterboy. I know it is controversial to say this since calling Long Island NYC’s dad in anything is asinine and inaccurate (given that Long Island is full of White Flight residents that ran from the five Boroughs decades ago, more on that later). However, keep that short scene in mind because I will come back to it later on.
To really make my point, people from Long Island can best be described as fair-weather New Yorkers. If it involves NYC sports teams or trying to get into the finest clubs in Manhattan? These guys are as New York as Joe Namath. However, the same middle class Long Island resident immediately distance themselves from New York outside of that because somehow they want to brag about their picket fence house. You’re not Westchester County, we are not impressed!
Now think about how stupid the idea of suburban living near NYC actually is. You pay high taxes already with it being New York and are dealing with all of the downfalls of living in one of the bluest states in the country. If I wanted good fishing spots so bad, I’d go to Florida. If I wanted a good place to golf, I’d go to a southern state. Whatever Long Island brags about offering, you can get for far better quality in a red state anyways.
Uniquely irritating clout chasers, social ladder climbers, and social leeches.
People from Long Island are some of the most irritating clout chasers out there. Clout chasers come in all cultures but the Long Island clout chaser is a bit different. The typical Long Island clout chaser will come off as smug and rude towards everyone until they find that you have something they want which usually includes access to a cool nightclub, working at a company they want to work at, or access to a lot of cool parties (and hot girls too if you are dealing with a guy). Once they find that out, they keep trying to talk to you in an annoyingly fake nice way.
Then you turn them down because you can see through their fakeness and they immediately try to come at you like Ray Benzino came at Eminem (you can read about that on your own). No, these people will try to follow you around and irritate you because you didn’t give them what they wanted. Remember when I was making the example of Bobby’s Dad? This is a small sample of how they usually come off when they find that you have something they want. Expect them to start attacking you, spreading rumors, or confronting you at every turn because you are smart enough to not help them reach their shallow and vain dreams.
You would be quite smart to not introduce any of these guys to women in your circle as they have a very rapey vibe to them. Your typical Long Island guy is thirsty, sexually frustrated, overcompensating and awful with women compared to the average New Yorker. “Toxic masculinity” is a controversial topic but these guys are the embodiment of “toxic masculinity” at its worst. All most people from Long Island want to do is mooch off of you as a way to fulfill whatever vain dream they have, often to make up for their inferiority complex towards Manhattan and Westchester County. Never trust someone who displays toxic traits, they are kings of trying to use people.
The way they desperately try to come off as Middle America and fail hard at it.
Someone from Long Island will love to talk about football, despite barely any football talent coming out of the area. Talk to any Long Island resident about Trump, despite New York being a blue state. Long Island desperately tries to portray how “American” it is but comes off as very cringey in the process. It is almost like someone scarred by Manhattan, knowing that they cannot handle it, became this annoying Bible Thumper as a form of rebellion or some petty grudge rather than actually believing in such values. Yet, these people will try to shove Middle America values at you while you are in NYC and having to deal with them.
Think about it, you moved to NYC to get away from the marriage and kids by 25 along with a house in the suburbs life with the requirement to go to church every Sunday. Then, right as you are enjoying NYC, these freaks come out to tell you how wrong you are for enjoying the city and what it offers because they want to be good Christians and good suburban boys. If you ever work with someone from Long Island, expect them to either be the biggest party pooper or the one person that cannot control their alcohol.
For the most part, they ruin NYC nightlife and nightlife in any city they swarm.
Ever hear of the worst stereotypes of New Yorkers? Well, people in Manhattan are rarely like that and it is actually most applicable to people in Long Island. Loud, rude, confrontational for no reason, easily angered by just about anything, and just most NY stereotypes at this point. Whenever these people swarm to an NYC nightlife establishment, it gets referred to as a “Bridge and Tunnel” crowd. In other words, expect fights to break out for no reason and for the place to go from Instagram cool to a Jersey Shore re-run. You also notice that a place becomes quite cliquey as soon as it gets too many Long Island residents swarming it because they love to spend every weekend in the same wealthier and more important borough they somehow manage to look down on.
Now there is one silver lining in all of this which is that Long Island women, once away from Long Island and their clique, are some of the easiest women you will ever pull. I’ve, unfortunately, slept with a few (usually finding out after the fact but hey I’ve eaten McDonalds too as an adult) and found that they were so sick and tired of the cliquishness that they almost had to slip away from their cliques. Almost all women from Long Island (and outer areas of NYC in general) fantasize about sleeping with some guy living in Manhattan. If your standards are low and tolerance for toxic behavior high (mines unfortunately was), have at it!
Be prepared to find a narcissist that chases clout like none other on social media because even she knows how much it really sucks to be from Long Island. Yet, expect her to play off of her strong woman feisty demeanor to compensate for being from a place that is Westchester County’s trailer trash cousin.
Toxic and trashy, meet Ms. Long Island.
Long Island women are some of the trashiest and most toxic women in the Tri-state area you will ever meet. The kinds of women that love to start fights between guys, get caught up in all gossip, and start drama at every turn. Your typical Long Island girl is of either Italian or Eastern European descent, narcissistic to her core, scheming, loves using men, embodies the worst traits of the stereotypically entitled western woman, but somehow keeps a passionate Alt Right demeanor to her. In other words, imagine a woman that votes Republican but has literally zero wife material qualities to her. Oh and most of them are also pretty fucking stupid and uncultured since education isn’t valued much in a household that longs for the day that the mob used to have some pull in NYC. Lipstick on a pig might be one way someone describes a Long Island girl but I like to describe her as trailer trash with botox and makeup.
You immediately notice how much envy a typical Long Island girl is loaded with. If you ever want to set her off, poke at her insecurity around not being perceived as pretty enough because she is from Long Island. Talk about how you think California girls from Orange County are hot because they remind you of Baywatch and how women from Westchester County are just so classy, she will start to get a bit enraged.
Due to the excessively thirsty men in Long Island who also play up the fake alpha male demeanor, Long Island women have inflated egos even if the looks don’t match (they rarely do). Social media obsession, hardcore narcissism, aggressive gossiping, and social ladder climbing to the extreme? Long Island women have it. Almost all Long Island women come with some short-tempered thirsty ex because they love to go for guys who get into fights and do stupid shit.
However, the one somewhat redeeming quality of Long Island women yet again is how they become long-hanging fruit for any guy living in Manhattan, especially if you catch her by herself or with just a friend. Long Island women love fucking Manhattan guys or guys from Westchester County because it gives them some temporary ego boost or affiliation with class and wealth. However, never ever get into anything serious with one, she usually comes with a trashy Guido dad, overcompensating fake alpha brothers, and bitter loser ex who needs any reason to go off the handle.
Smug as they come, despite not having the pedigree to live up to it.
First of all, if you have been reading so far, you are asking just who the fuck are these people to look down on anyone? Most are not that educated, are barely that wealthy, and have to leave their suburban life every weekend to come into Manhattan for the partying. Yeah, I asked myself that all the fucking time when I had to deal with these people.
However, Long Island will go out of its way to try and throw what self-perceived superiority they have in your face. Now this is not to mention the fact that Long Island is practically made up of Irish and Italian descendants that fled as a result of White Flight and were historically the lower class of NYC compared to the WASPs. Nope, none of that matters, they somehow manage to be smug despite not having much of a pedigree to back it up.
The most judgmental people in all of the northeast.
Long Island is what happens when you put a traditional southern state right in the Tri-State area, it’s like Alabama without the good football program (or the hot sorority girls). Running game and talking to random women? You can bet the average Long Island guy is going to be the first one in the room to tell you how it is so “weird” and how he is superior for sticking with his high school friends way past college. If you deviate from what people are taught as being the traditional way to live life (go to school, get married at 25, buy a house, etc.), the average Long Island resident will be the first to judge you and vilify.
People in Long Island don’t particularly judge you based on your education or how successful you are in your career, no, that would make them far too insecure because most of them fail in this regard. Instead, people from Long Island judge you based on how much you deviate from how they live life which is usually trying to social ladder climb and hide behind a group of friends. It’s all about fake clout such as trying to join the fanciest gyms or travel to the fanciest vacation spots despite being some of the most uncultured people in the country.
The fact that they try so hard to be around the very things they claim to see as below them.
Manhattan is below them? Yet, they are there every weekend and for every sporting event.
Anything not New York is below them? Oh they are flooding Miami nightclubs at every turn.
They are a church boy who wants to embody good American morals? Yet some of thirstiest dudes who would roofie a girl and take her home if given the chance.
Yeah, I was hoping their hate for Manhattan and anything not Long Island meant that the rest of us wouldn’t have to deal with them. Well, I was wrong, they flood into Manhattan and secretly want to have the status of living there.
Not “Strong Island” but try to act confrontational at every turn.
Let me give you a quick history lesson, Long Island is full of people whose great grandparents ran away from places like the Bronx and Brooklyn due to the diversity that was coming in. In other words, as Black and Hispanic people moved into neighborhoods originally inhabited by whites, those very whites feared for their safety. As a result of this fear of safety, they fled to Long island which is something we call “white flight”. Now tell me, in what way does that make a place “Strong Island”? What’s so “strong” about running away because you fear for your safety against groups you supposedly perceive as violent and criminal? Smart? Perhaps. Strong? No.
Now boy do the residents of Long Island try to overcompensate in the most bizarre ways. Whether its obsession with combat sports, trying to bother people at a bar who are having a good time, or trying to relive the glory days of the Mafia; they love to try and desperately convince you of how “alpha” they are. You know the Long Island guy at the bar because he is the main one trying to pick fights and get under people’s skin. It gets irritating because of how often they do it.
The typical Long Islander will try to act confrontational and swear to challenge you to a fight because you hurt their feelings. All of this to compensate for the fact that they are from a place that is really Staten Island without the balls and Westchester County without the wealth, yet desperately tries to pretend like it has both. Yet, I don’t even care for these whose more alpha conversations as much as I find it irritating how these people get drunk, loud, and ruin the mood by acting confrontational for no reason other than knowing that the other person (unlike them) usually has too much on the line to waste time with a pointless fight.
They’re quite racist, despite the history of the ancestry groups there.
Since we are talking white flight, let’s talk about how racist most people from Long Island are. However, the racism from the people in Long Island is different from that of say a white southerner. A white southerner is racist out of pride and out of some fucked up sense of American nationalism. However, the racism in Long Island comes from an inferiority complex. You see, Long Island is loaded with people who have an inferiority complex about their heritage, especially if they happen to be of Italian descent. Long Island has ruined the name of Italians worldwide worse than Mussolini ever did.
Long Island is full of Irish and Italian descendants who feel inferior to the WASP and Jewish population of NYC, so they make up for it by being extra racist towards minorities. If you are ever unfortunate to be around a lot of people from Long Island, you will start to hold some degree of prejudice towards Italian Americans. Don’t worry, Italian Americans from elsewhere will forgive you and even join in to talk about how awful the people of Long Island are. Once again, this speaks to the leech-like nature of Long Island’s culture. The typical Long Island Italian will hype up all of the parts of his “heritage” despite not knowing the language or adding of value to his heritage other than the worst possible stereotypes. But hey, being Italian is cool to some now so he has to cash in like Bobby Boucher’s dad!
Perhaps the worst part of racism from Long Island is that you are getting it from someone whose ancestors, at one point, were considered to be below people of color in American society (and to some still are). Even to this day, the wealthy WASPs in Westchester look down on the Guido trash that resides in Long Island. At least facing racism from some redneck in the south could make for an Oscar winning moment but in Long Island from someone who is supposedly insecure about their own whiteness? More like satire. If you ever want to fuck with someone from Long Island though, just go at their Italian heritage and tell them how you think Italians aren’t white.
A problem and a cancer in whatever clique or workplace they inhabit.
If you are ever unfortunate enough to work alongside someone from Long Island or have them in a social circle, prepare for drama. Most of these people are habitually unhappy and insecure people who use drama and instigating confrontations as an outlet. Debbie downers, party poopers, gossip girls and toxic drama queens to the core. Expect to have someone unload all of their miserably toxic emotions on to you as they judge the flaws in just about anyone around them. Such miserable people who want to ruin the mood of others that are just trying to live their lives and have fun.
The fact of the matter is that Long Islanders often lack any kind of soul and are often living a life of just overcompensating for everything. Expect them to be the one that is trying to keep tabs on others and size other people up at every turn. You know you are dealing with someone from Long Island in the way they are always scanning the room and trying to find who to use to further their own agenda. Most of all, high school never ends for these people.
Overall, God Awful people that embody the worst of American society.
To cap it all off, the people of Long Island embody the worst of American society. Whatever negative traits you can put on American women, expect them to be ramped up in Long Island girls. Whatever issue you have with toxic masculinity, expect to be ten times worse in the men from Long Island. In fact, Long Island can be seen as a poorly written American satire. At least you can go to most suburbs in the country and even if you run into Bible Thumping Republicans, they have some degree of class. No, Long Island is the worst of both sides of the political spectrum mixed into one. Truly, without question, one of the worst places in the entire northeast if not all of America when it comes to the people.